Steve's Nude Memphis Blog

Sexual Battery

2012-02-03T00:15:00.000-06:00

According to America's lawmakers, judges, prosecutors and police, the following is a crime of SEXUAL BATTERY:

No one was hurt. The sexual organs involved belonged to the man now being charged with sexual battery, and there was exactly no emotional or physical trauma involved.

According to America's lawmakers, judges, prosecutors and police, the following is NOT a crime of SEXUAL BATTERY:

The victim is unarmed and both hands were clearly visible and empty when he was assaulted in his genitals hard enough to lift him off the ground and throw him onto his back, prior to the assailant leaping upon him and pummeling his face like a hockey player during the third period, followed by another assailant walking over and for no reason whatever, applying a Taser shock to the victim's face despite the fact that the victim is on his back, unarmed and not harming his assailant in the least.

Is it my imagination, or is it the case that our lawmakers are fucking insane? Teabagging a sleeping man is not sexual battery. It is being a dickhead. Kicking a man's testicles hard enough to rupture both of them and lift the man off his feet so that he lands flat on his back is absolutely sexual battery. It is battery and it is sexual to the victim, as well as to everyone who witnesses the battery and sees clearly that it involved the victim's sexual organs. It is sexual battery because we, the people, say it is. And if the laws as currently written disagree, then the laws are wrong and must be changed. If our lawmakers can't comprehend this, or simply refuse to do as we say, then our lawmakers are wrong and must be changed.

Alternatively, the lawmakers, prosecutors, etc could be forced to stand out in the street and submit to repeated kicks to their genitals with extreme force in the same manner as this American citizen was, over and over again, until they finally understand why everyone except them sees the act of violently assaulting a person's sexual organs in a non-fear-for-life, non-self-defense situation as being an act of sexual assault, indecent and obscene in the eyes of society in general, and infinitely worse than tea bagging some drunk for a gag.

Seriously, is it just me or are the laws in every state in the United States, most of which didn't even have laws defining sexual assault of a male in any form or fashion until the 1990s or later, totally out of touch with reality and utterly wrong?

Does it matter at all that researchers in the field of sexual abuse found that male victims of this exact act of violent assault received it as a sexual assault, with the exact same long-term psychological damage and symptoms as victims of all other forms of sexual assault and abuse, including violent rape? The researchers themselves were shocked, but noted that no one had ever actually asked male victims of sexual violence of this nature anything about how they felt or what effects it had had on them. Once they asked, victims reported all the symptoms experienced by victims of violent rape - nightmares about the assault, long-term depression, flashbacks, and panic attacks. Medically the victims were undeniably sexual assault victims. Legally, they were nothing.

What will it take for the laws to be changed to acknowledge the reality of this crime? Our society has become fixated on violence, as sex is declared taboo and foul language the worst of all possible crimes. So we've sexualized the violence and celebrated it. It's everywhere, from kids television programs to the hallways of their schools to the streets of our own neighborhoods, brought to us by the police themselves. It is an epidemic, which researchers warn is already having devastating consequences for our entire culture even as it continues to spread and grow worse.

What happens to a society that sexualizes violence and then celebrates it?

Auto Update - The Test Drive

2012-01-29T00:41:00.005-06:00

Two weeks ago or so I wrote about how I was considering buying a new car, and my three choices were between the Camaro, the Mustang and the Challenger. I listed horsepower and gas mileage and various other numbers. Then I asked what you thought. You overwhelming thought that A) the Challenger was the best, followed by the Mustang and B) I badly needed to go test drive all three before making any decisions. So today I did exactly that.

I also brought someone with me who has very strong opinions about everything and is never shy when it comes to sharing those opinions. They rode in the back seat of all three cars.

Here are the results of the test drives:

Camaro SS
The Camaro was the clear loser in the poll on my last post about the car decision. No one favored it. Here is what I found:

PROS: The SS model is much better-looking than a basic Camaro. I liked it much better in person than I thought I would. The engine was dead silent, which is surprising for a car making over 400 horsepower. We even popped the hood to see if it was really running because it was so quiet. It was, but if not for the turning of the pulleys you wouldn't have known it. From inside the car you can't hear a thing. Speaking of inside the car, the driver's seat is comfortable. Having a side mirror on both the driver's door and the passenger door was very helpful. The car rides solid and handled the really horrible Memphis roads with a smoother ride than I would have expected. It beat on us a little bit, but not as bad as an economy car. The car handles like a sports car, easily flying around a looping off-ramp without any lean or skidding tires at all. This car will fly. It has more power while getting better gas mileage than either of the other 2.

CONS: Sitting in this car is like putting on a condom. It's really tight in there. My left leg was against the door and I really couldn't do anything about that short of amputating my leg. The roof was so low, partially due to the fact that the car was equipped with a sunroof, that my head was touching the ceiling. Lowering the seat all the way down didn't give me any significant headroom. I definitely don't want one with a sunroof. I didn't anyway, but this just confirmed that it isn't even an option for me. I'd break my neck if I ever hit a bad bump in the road. That's just insane. Speaking of insane, I can't see in this car. Not only is there very limited visibility out the rear window, but the blind spot when trying to look to your right for a lane change is big enough to hide a Humvee. And it's no better when you look to your left either. The low roof put the rear view mirror directly in my line of sight so that I really couldn't see well out the windshield when looking towards the right. Basically, I could see what was ahead of me and in my mirrors and nothing else. I felt like I couldn't keep up with where the cars were around me because I could not see well. I would expect to have a nightmare of a time trying to maneuver this car in rush hour traffic with all the blind spots. And I would expect to die were I to ever crash at any significant speed. There's no room between you and the car at all. You're pretty much wearing it.

FROM THE BACK SEAT: I couldn't even sit up all the way and even slouching I still had to lay my head to one side. There is nowhere to put my feet. You can't slip them under the seat in front of you for some reason, so where the hell are they supposed to go? And I couldn't see anything at all except the inside of the car itself. You can't see out any of the windows. It's like being in a box. I do NOT like this car.

Mustang
The Mustang received a fair number of votes in my poll and is the car I had been considering buying for the longest amount of time. Here is what I learned from driving it:

PROS: This car felt right before I had even gotten out onto the highway. It just has something about it that feels perfect. I don't know if it's the wheelbase or steering ratio or what, but it feels like you could do circles on a 2-lane road and not even go off the pavement. It feels tight and right. It also has a mild musclecar sound that isn't too loud or too quiet. The exhaust is about perfect. Even though the interior has a lot of plastic, which I've read car enthusiasts complaining about, it didn't really bother me. If a plastic pretend bumper doesn't bother you, why would you care if the interior is plastic? Anyway, the seat was comfortable and I was able to adjust it to sit low enough that my head wasn't against the ceiling. The car had no sunroof, which helped give me enough headroom, too. And I can see extremely well in all directions.

CONS: The trunk was smaller than I expected. The driver's seat was literally touching the seat behind it, meaning there is no possible way anyone could sit there unless they had no legs at all. The plastic interior will not age well in the Memphis summer sun, but then nothing plastic ever does.

FROM THE BACK SEAT: There is nowhere to put my feet. There is something blocking them from going under the seat in front of me. But I have enough headroom to sit up straight and my seat isn't uncomfortable otherwise. Why is there no arm rest back here? I have nowhere to put my arm. Its just pressed against the side of the car with nothing to rest it on. I hate that.

Challenger
The last car I drove was the Challenger SRT8, a 2009 model because the 2010 model had sold earlier that morning and already left the lot. This is the car most people recommended that I choose.

PROS: The car looks awesome. It has the most trunk space of any of the three cars. The car can actually seat 5 people rather than 4, like the other 2. No sunroof and my head was nowhere near touching the ceiling. My left leg wasn't pressed against the driver's door while I drove. I had plenty of room, the most of any of the 3 cars. My passenger beside me, who is taller than me, had plenty of room. My passenger in the back had plenty of room. The engine rumbles like a musclecar should. The car rides like a dream, especially compared to the Camaro, which had the harshest ride. I can see better than I had expected. I really like this car.

CONS: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Wow, between 1500 and 2000 rpms the exhaust was so loud and deep it actually hurt our ears. This is a used car so the original owner may have installed an aftermarket exhaust which is to blame for this, but I don't know if that is so at this point. I would swap out the mufflers with something quieter right away. There is a slight blind spot where the rear pillars are between the side quarter windows and the rear window. It isn't nearly as bad as in the Camaro, though, and if you move your head enough you can see around it. I believe I can compensate for this well enough for it not to be a big issue.

FROM THE BACK SEAT: I almost fell asleep. It is really comfortable back there. I had plenty of space, including leg room and my feet could slip under the seat in front of me which meant you could move it further back and I'd still have enough room. I like this car the most of all.

So there you have it. It's down to the Mustang and the Challenger and I don't know which one I'm going to choose. I liked driving the Mustang the most of all. It feels just right. But the ride and extra room inside the Challenger is unbeatable and if you're going to be doing a lot of driving like I am that matters quite a lot. But then again, the Mustang gets the best gas mileage, which also matters quite a lot when you're doing a lot of driving and over a long distance.

At this point, it may come down to what my insurance agent says it will cost me to insure either of these cars. After that, it will depend upon how much of exactly what I want I'm able to find in one of these cars. I'm not planning to buy it brand new off the lot where I get to name all my demands and have it built the way I want, so that limits me to what is available on the market. I was told the SRT8 model Challengers can be hard to get and disappear almost instantly. The fact that just last night I checked the lot and confirmed that they had 2 of them, only to arrive the following afternoon to find that the newest one had already sold and gone, would seem to confirm that actually getting a decent used SRT8 may be a significant challenge. If that proves to be the case, then I'll either have to settle for a standard V8 Challenger, or give it up and go with the much-easier-to-find Mustang GT or other specialty model, like a Shelby, Boss or Saleen.

So, what do you think now?

Life's Regrets

2012-01-25T11:30:00.005-06:00

I had been thinking about something over the past many months, and then Cath Smack went and wrote a post about the very thing on my mind. Well, not exactly THE very thing, but it was included in what she wrote.

I have had some major crises in my life recently, some very nearly tragic disasters which appear to be averted, although nothing is certain as yet. During this time, I've done a lot of soul-searching and thinking about my own past. Having the opportunity to be near my old friends from days gone by over the last 3 years has no doubt played a role in this, too.

When I was younger, there were always girls I liked, but was too intimidated by to approach with any level of confidence in order to find out if perhaps they might like me in return, or even to give them the opportunity to decide if they might. People said I was shy and that this was normal. But I was shyer than a fair number of my friends and more prone to end up dating girls who, as I learned years later, not only treated me shittily* but also cheated on me throughout the entire relationship. Meanwhile, other girls who were just as attractive, indicated to me that they were or might be interested in me. But I hung onto relationships even as I was shittily treated because I was already in them and they were safe. I had the opportunity to date many girls, but chose instead to stay where I was, where it was safe, and yet I was poorly treated.

When I went to college, I made better selections of girlfriends, but still blew at least 2 major opportunities to at least attempt to date girls I was extremely attracted to and very much wanting to go out with. I'm not sure whether they would have gone out with me, but I'll never know because I failed to fully try to find out. I was too afraid.

I hated the university I went to and graduated from. People around me kept advising me to take out student loans and send myself away to a better school. My parents, ever the defenders of warm, safe fearfulness, warned me not to. Debt is risky. Debt is scary. Debt would take me away from them and out into the world where I might fly and be happy, or possibly crash and burn.

I used to enjoy writing and putting on comedy plays. I was apparently good at it. People always laughed and I was the only person I knew of at my school ever asked to do repeat performances for classes not originally scheduled to see my plays. But at some point I developed a crippling fear of public speaking and stopped doing any acting.

I always wanted to master the guitar, join a band, and sing and perform screaming guitar solos. I was never good enough to do this, practicing on my own as I did. But had I actually pushed it I might have made my way into a band and likely improved enough to at least give it a try. But I never did.

People have all sorts of nice sounding words to describe a person who is afraid to do something that they want to do. Afraid to ask out a beautiful girl? That's OK, you're just shy. Afraid to go into debt in order to attend a good university instead of spending years in a nightmare situation that will scar you for life and stunt your career? That's OK, you are just fiscally conservative and risk-averse.

Afraid to speak, act, sing or dance in front of people? That's OK. You're totally normal. Everyone feels that way. It's just stage-fright.

Did you know that Unique Stephen, the Australian blogger, has done more exciting adventurous things in more parts of the United States than I have ever even seen? And I'm from here! He's mountain climbed and biked and all sorts of fun things all over the US. And then he's gone back to Australia and done it there, too. He's afraid of nothing.

One of the most beautiful girls that I never knew, with a heart of pure gold, married a guy that, although he was a very nice guy, he was not at all what any of us considered attractive in the least. In fact, he was ugly. And poor. Everyone was shocked when she dated him, and flabbergasted when she married him. But she did marry him. Because I never asked her out myself, and immediately following my failure to ask when given a golden opportunity, he asked her. And she said 'yes.' They married straight out of college. And they are married still. They have 3 daughters.

What is the purpose of the fear of rejection? What possible good does it do to be afraid to simply approach someone you feel a strong attraction to and tell them that you are interested? I can see where a person might benefit from a fear of financial risk to some extent. Too little fear and you can bankrupt yourself and your family. But too much and you will never accomplish anything. You certainly can invest properly with a strong fear of risk.

Fear of dying is understandably useful. I think mountain climbing looks like a lot of fun, although intensely strenuous. Unique Stephen once said that he nearly died while mountain climbing, falling and smashing on rocks below. There is always that risk. But all of life has risks. We drive cars in bumper-to-bumper traffic, facing a possible crushing death by 18-wheeler in an adjacent lane at any moment or simply our own inattention to the road ahead leading to a missed turn and a telephone pole collision. Yet we don't feel a crippling fear of this or even consider not driving. Why not climb a cliff or hang glide or jump out of a plane once or twice in your life just for the thrill of it?

I seem to have no problem jumping a motorcycle way up into the air and trusting that I can safely land it on a ramp on the other side. And this despite having done a "Superman" a time or two when things didn't go quite as planned and the bike stopped abruptly against some barrier while I continued on without it. I'm still alive and walking. I've drag raced at midnight at ridiculous speeds against total strangers without a crippling fear of them coming into my lane and killing me. I've had guns pointed at me and pointed guns at criminals who intended me harm, yet I don't have a crippling fear of going out in public at all hours.

People say a person who is afraid to approach people whom they are attracted to are shy. People afraid to go into debt to send themselves to a good university and launch into the life they wanted who choose instead to stay in a bad environment and 'make the best of it' are said to be fiscally conservative and risk-averse. People who won't climb a mountain because they might fall are simply not "adventurous."

I have a friend who had dated only 2 girls that I know of in his entire life. He has barely and rarely dated. He has barely left the comfort of his family home. He has few friends and no apparent aspirations. Some would say he has no life and has never lived the life he already had. I hear people say he's shy, he's withdrawn, he's a loner.

I look at my own life and all the opportunities at happiness which I myself missed out on, never knowing whether I might have attained them if only I had tried. I didn't try.

People say I was shy. But isn't 'shy' another word for 'afraid'? If you are too afraid to live your one and only life, aren't you a coward? Isn't that the same thing?

Is it?

MEMPHIPEDIA ENTRY:

* Shittily - of or relating to shittyness; Of a general shitty nature; action of being shitty - verb. As in the phrase: "Steven Tyler sang the national anthem shittily before the game."

Loonies On the Path - Solar Storm

2012-01-24T10:13:00.003-06:00

OK, the beginnings of the whole "Loonies on the Path" posts were simply about documenting any connections, real or perceived, between weather and other phenomenons, and traffic insanity. So with that in mind, I want to document today. And I want your input.

On the way into work today I saw multiple wrecks. Plus, everywhere I went there were traffic jams. I couldn't even see the reason why there were so many jam-ups. But they were everywhere. Traffic just didn't seem able to flow at all.

I emailed someone in Alabama about this and they said the same thing was happening there.

Today there is a massive solar storm and it is bombarding the Earth with radiation from the sun. Yes, call out the EPA and have them arrest the Sun! Anyway, I want to know if you have noticed anything funky in traffic, too. This is sort of like an internet science project. And we're all participants. But we don't win any prizes if it goes well. I just want to know if you perceive traffic or people in general where you are to be more dysfunctional than usual today. More wrecks than normal? More traffic jams? More people in a daze or wanting to argue? What's happening where you are? And while you're telling us that, tell us where you are exactly.

Thursday Things I'm Thinking About

2012-01-18T23:54:00.005-06:00

OK, so I'm thinking of buying a new car, and since I have yet to really live my life in any sort of fun and exciting way I am thinking about doing the typical guy thing and buy some kind of modern day muscle car. As I mull this over it has been brought to my attention that women have some very definite opinions about the cars men drive, which I have to admit caught me a bit by surprise. So with this in mind, I want to tell you what I'm looking at and ask what you think.

Here are the cars I am considering:

Camaro
There are 3, but only 2 that I am interested in, the SS and the ZL1. The SS gets a 6.2 liter V8 making 400 horsepower and 14 mpg city, 24 mpg highway. The Z28 or ZL1, whichever they end up calling the damn thing, has a 6.2 liter supercharged V8 and makes 556 horsepower. I can't find the mpg and I don't see the price listed yet, but its no doubt going to be damned expensive. The Camaro has consistently won all the performance contests thrown at the three modern muscle cars, with better acceleration, handling, and braking than the Ford or Dodge.

Mustang
There are 3 Mustangs I am interested in, the GT, the Boss 302 and the Shelby GT500. The GT comes with a 5.0 liter engine and makes 412 horsepower while getting 18 mpg in the city and 26 on the highway. The Boss 302 is a pain in the ass to look up on the internet when all you want is basic data so I gave up. Suffice to say it makes more horsepower than the standard GT and gets a little less gas mileage. The Shelby GT500 comes with a 5.4 liter supercharged V8 engine making 540 horsepower. It gets around 14 mpg in the city and 23 or 24 on the highway. It is a kick-ass car. The Mustang tends to come in 2nd in all the head-to-head performance tests thrown at the 3 choices.

Challenger
The Challenger comes in 3 different versions. I am only considering 2 of them. The RT comes with a 5.7 liter Hemi engine and makes 370 horsepower and gets about 16 mpg in the city and 25 on the highway. The SRT8, pictured above, comes with a 6.4 liter V8 engine making 470 horsepower, gets 14 mpg in the city and 23 on the highway. The Challenger always comes in third in the performance challenges, but consistently scores the highest long-term customer satisfaction rating by owners of the three choices. In other words, its the lowest on the totem pole performance-wise, but highest in terms of owner satisfaction. Liking the car I buy counts for a lot with me.

So anyway, I'll tell you my thoughts and then you tell me yours.

I never liked the look of this new Camaro. I'd honestly rather have a real 1969 Camaro outfitted with the engine and suspension of the modern one than this plastic nightmare. But the women all tell me they think this car is awesome and can't see a man like me driving anything else. I honestly wasn't expecting that. I keep thinking I'll get used to this new bodystyle, but only rarely do a I see one with a paint scheme that makes the car look decent to me. Most of them look like the car has a big, fat ass jacked up in the back and lacks a bumper up front. It's just funky.

I like the Mustang. Everyone I know who has one likes theirs, too. I also like that I can take a standard GT to a Ford dealer and have them install a 150 horsepower supercharger if I want and it'll still be under warranty, and no one will know its there. Bonus! But certain females I know tell me they think the Mustang is a girl car. I don't know why.

I never paid much attention to the Challenger in the past, but the more I read about it the more I like it. I see them more and more all over the place. The fact that everyone who owns one has an extremely high level of satisfaction with the car even years after buying it rates pretty high with me. That's important to me, liking a car you pay a shitload of money for and plan to keep for a long time. You know what I mean? And they say its really comfortable to drive, not like riding on a rail and feeling every pothole and groove in the pavement.

So what do you think? Am I wrong about the Camaro being butt ugly? Would I strike you as a big flaming pink homo in a Mustang? Is the Challenger a red flag signifying redneck loser with an 8-track player and Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes playing 24/7? I had joked that if I bought a Camaro I was going to grow back my '80s mullet. A certain female didn't think that was funny AT ALL.

Keep in mind, I haven't test driven any of these cars yet. It may be that once I get behind the wheel of each of them I'll have a totally different opinion. But just from what I have seen of them and what I have read I like the Mustang and then the Challenger and then the Camaro last of all, not that I hate any of the three or anything. What about you?

Pick one

Irony

2012-01-11T14:07:00.011-06:00

Irony - it's when a blogger asks for help in figuring out how to 'unfollow' someone. So you try your best to help them. And then they unfollow you. That's irony.

Little Red Riding Hood - I swear I am trying to come up with something for this! I am super sick today, so I may just have to write whatever comes to mind while under the influence of Mucinex and hope it's good enough to live up to the hype.

Football - I was shocked by the BCS Championship Game. Leave it to Alabama's coach to throw everyone a total curveball and send his offense onto the field with instructions to "pass-pass-pass that ball" while LSU never seemed to make up its mind what their game plan was.

Politics - it's when all the worst people you ever knew, the biggest liars and sociopaths, gather together in one place, and they call it "the capitol" which is located in "the capital" just to help get the confusion started, and they all sit around together bullshitting and trying to see who is the most full of shit. This person is then given an award called "the presidential nomination" and they run against the biggest bullshitter of the other political parties to decide who the most full-of-shit person in the entire country is. That's politics.

Cliques - I've come to a strange place in life where I am, as always, totally OUT of the biggest cliques, only this time I don't know why for sure. There are two really big cliques where I live during the week. I am being excluded by people who used to be my friends, but I can't figure out which clique they are in that is so insistent that I be ostrizied. There is the "government security clearance" clique, which consists of people working in government jobs that require they qualify for a significant security clearance. Almost everyone I know giving me the brush-off is in this clique. And then there is the "Jones Valley clique", which is a group of people who get paid a shit-ton of money by virtue of working for the government and all live in the "Jones Valley" area of my hometown where only the 'right' people live. Actually, one or two of these people will talk to me and even be seen in public with me. But what is confusing me is the people in the Jones Valley clique who don't work for the government, or anyone, who also won't talk to me. Perhaps I'm oversimplifying? Perhaps both cliques have me on their shit-list and it is just a few rebels who don't care and talk to me anyway? Ah high school, it doesn't end just because we all graduated long ago. Now it's called Facebook.

Sick - I am sick. Everyone around me was sick during new year's eve and early last week. I resisted and was fine. This week I am sick as a dog. My chest feels like someone cut me open and put a big rock inside my lungs. My throat feels like someone is choking me with both hands and really leaning into it. The best medicine I can find makes me thirsty and gives me a headache. Right now I am typing while looking through only one eye because they both hurt, but one hurts less than the other.

CDs - all the time I've invested in watching "Attack of the Show" has begun to pay off. They reported on the music industry's intention of discontinuing the manufacture of CDs this year and I took note. Just last night I bought and copied 2 Deep Purple CDs, 2 Beatles CDs, 2 Faith Hill CDs (yeah, I know, but they were on sale) and one CD by The Cars which I still own on vinyl, but my turntable is currently broken. I expect to be spending a lot of money on CDs as I try to round up all the music I like before they stop manufacturing them.

FCC - during the FCC hearings currently before the Supreme Court, someone, I think it was Kagan, was quoted as saying that decency standards should go the way of vinyl records and just be done away with. It's interesting to me because vinyl has made a bit of a comeback. It never totally went away and now that CDs are being phased out the demand for vinyl is increasing. In fact, there are reports of radio DJs requesting vinyl instead of CDs because the quality of the recorded sound is significantly higher on vinyl.

SACD - are you familiar with a high-density CD called an SACD? I had never heard of them until my cousin mentioned them to me. If you can find an album you like on an SACD platform CD and you play it on an SACD player you get near-vinyl quality, but with all the benefits of a CD. And if you purchase a "hybrid SACD" you get a dual layer CD which plays high-quality on an SACD player, or regular quality on a regular CD player. Pretty cool!

And now, an instructional video on "How to get laid - for dorks" ...

Monday of a New Year

2012-01-09T17:25:00.005-06:00

There is a lot going on in the news, mostly political and cynical and dirty. It makes me angry the more I read. I have a strong sense of justice and all I see is massive corruption feeding itself and getting bigger while the taxpayers (me) get raped to pay for it all. I want to do something about it, but nothing I try seems to have much effect, if any at all.

I am going to try not to comment on any of the specifics of what I just said. I am going to try to just leave it alone. I am going to try, but you know at some point I wrote a letter to someone in Washington DC and told them exactly what I think and what I want.

And we both know what they are going to do with that letter. It will be deleted and ignored, as usual. That's pretty much par for the course with Washington DC these days. Heaven forbid any of the "little people" dare to speak to the criminals who rob us of our hard earned pay day in and day out.

Your Congressman

So, is anyone excited about the remaining Republican candidates for President? For that matter, is anyone excited about ANY of the candidates for President? I guess the Ron Paul people are excited. I don't know that Obama has as many people as he used to. Certainly among the rich white females he has lost that lovin' feeling. He's trying to buy it back with all sorts of outrageous and sexist legislation, but so far it isn't working. Again, I'm grinding my teeth as I resist the urge to comment on this in detail here.

I get the sense that people feel as if Mitt Romney has been hand-picked by the Republican leadership, those dark lords hiding in the shadows who so despise their own voters and especially the Tea Party that those voters created. It's more than a tad bit insulting to be told that you can choose any candidate you want so long as it's Mitt Romney. It brings to mind the last disastrous election in which conservatives were told "thanks for voting, but we've selected John McCain and he's getting the nomination even if no one actually voted for him." Yeah, thanks for that, you closeted foot-tapping homosexual pedophiles. And then McCain himself came out and just flat-out admitted he was never intended to win.

"Off with her head!"
Following the phony campaign of John McCain, which handed the White House to hand-picked Democrat candidate and known Marxist Barack Obama, the Obamas instructed Hollywood to send the stars of the recent film "Alice in Wonderland" to the White House to throw them a party in the them of "Alice in Wonderland." Johnny Depp himself, as well as Tim Burton, were there. It was during the height of the Depression and the slavish News Media obediently reported not a word about it until just this week, 3 years later, and even then only because a man how released a new book exposing the whole thing. It seems quite appropriate that new President Obama wanted to have a party themed after "Alice in Wonderland", complete with the Queen of Hearts, whose unjust, tyrannical, insane and arbitrary rule so closely mirrored his own upcoming display of legislative madness.

Before I get off the political stump, have you all noticed how many Obama staffers and czars and dealers and whores are jumping ship already? Every day there's another news story about someone in the Obama White House resigning and running like hell for the exits. Today it's one of the criminals from the Daley Klan out of Chicago. The other day it was one of the Lesbian Brigade. Before that I can't even remember who it was because there have been so many people grabbing for lifeboats and paddling away.

So tonight is a huge football game in college football. Two SEC teams (Yay SEC!) with little to no passing ability are going to spend all night beating the hell out of each other without scoring many points, if history is any guide, and then decide the final victor by a last second field goal or defensive take-away that gets run back for a touchdown. Games in which there are no offensive touchdowns often suck. But this game is the most important college football game of the year.

Yay SEC football!

Paul McCartney has a new album out entitled "Kisses on the Bottom." I'm sorry, perhaps he doesn't mean this the way it sounds, but I picture him kissing a naked woman on the ass when I hear this title. I didn't research it very deeply so I don't know what the real explanation is. But I prefer mine anyway. And when I hear 'album' I think of vinyl. So I wonder if this new album will indeed be available on vinyl?

The FCC is having to stand before the Supreme Court this week to defend their authority to regulate obscenity and indecency in broadcast media. According to the article, they have not been enforcing their rules since 2006, and prior to this they were a bit arbitrary and confusing in what they classified as illegal and what was legal. To me, as long as they permit scenes of men being viciously sexually assaulted by protagonists in what is depicted as a heroic act of justifiable retribution, I don't give a flying fuck how many curse words or bare breasts, buttocks, vaginas or penises are shown on the screen and to what audiences. Violent sexual abuse is the most obscene and indecent act there is short of murder, and they have stubbornly refused to prohibit it except when the victim is female. Thus, as far as I am concerned, the FCC serves no legitimate purpose in the first place and may as well be abolished. We already know from research that these glorifications of anti-male sexual violence have led to an explosion of misandric sexual assaults in this country. It isn't just a theory. It's a confirmed fact. And yet not one lawmaker, not one government agent, not one prosecutor has lifted a finger to stop it. Quite the opposite, in fact, it is packaged and sold as a uniquely American product while we pat ourselves on the back and claim we are doing a good thing by transforming our society into Sodom.

God's gift to the working man - beer and boobs
And with that cheery note, I see that I have not yet rediscovered my 'funny', so I'm just going to stop here and go watch some football. I hope you guys are all having a happy new year so far. Mine hasn't been too bad yet, except when I turn on the TV or read the paper, at which point I get more than a little discouraged and angry.

The FCC says this is fine, just so long as no one says "fuck" when they are assaulted ...

Hump Day

2012-01-04T23:13:00.006-06:00

OK, so it's Wednesday and I still haven't written the Little Red Riding Hood story. Sorry, I'm swamped and I'm having some headache issues that make it difficult for me to sit and work at the computer for extended periods of time. So with that in mind, this will probably be short.

Out
Republican conservative candidate Michelle Bachmann has officially dropped out of the race for President of the United States. Obama's supporters couldn't be happier. She was the one candidate that he and his people feared most. They had already managed to assassinate Herman Cain, the second most feared opponent for Obama, so the defeat of Bachmann is a real high point for Obama's new year. Now all he has to worry about are a bunch of white males who all look alike to him and his supporters. They will be much easier for him to beat than a strong conservative woman or black businessman. From here on out, it's straight up attack ads calling the Republicans 'racists' and '1 percenters' and shit like that.

Gone
The music industry has indicated that they are going to abandon the production of CDs in 2012 and just focus on selling digital downloadable music instead. Personally I think this sucks in a big way. If I like a song I want a hardcopy of it. I want a good hardcopy, in fact. If I can get a SACD I will. And if not, a standard CD will do. But the iTunes downloads are crap in terms of quality and only good enough for songs I just like a little bit, about 99 cents worth and no more. So anyway, I am in the market for a new high quality turntable after hearing this news. I still have a large collection of vinyl, which incidentally is superior to standard CDs, so if they are going to give up on CDs, too, then I'm going to scarf up as many albums and CDs as I can from the artists I listen to and then, I suppose, live in the past from here on out.

Serve and Protect?
I'm reading more and more articles talking about the alarming trend in the militarization of American police departments, resulting in more and more "no knock" SWAT team home invasions, inexcusable sexual assaults of unarmed men and now a high school girl, tanks, M16s, armored Humvees, and other totally military war-specific weapons, assaults and strategies by police officers against ordinary and frequently non-violent American citizens, with absolutely no justice for the victims and no response from lawmakers or judges. Police are now shooting and/or sexually assaulting American citizens who are not armed, not fighting, not dangerous, and not resisting, and then charging those citizens with an avalanche of crimes that absolutely make no sense. Police in other Western nations have indicated some concern at what American police are doing, but inevitably, American abuses by police are slowly creeping into the practices and arsenals of those other nations as well.

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. And good men are disinclined to fight when they are being shot in the testicles with shotguns and Tasers and semi-automatic M16s and handguns, or grabbed by, punched in, or kicked in the testicles while simply standing still and protesting for their basic human rights.

So anyway, my eyes are killing me. I really can't write anything more at this point. So, happy hump day!

Not Christmas and Not New Year's yet

2011-12-29T23:55:00.003-06:00

So, Christmas is over. One more come and gone. And the new year begins between Saturday and Sunday of this coming weekend. Meanwhile, I truly have nothing much to say. My life is currently in a state of uncertainty. I mean, it's certain that I am still physically alive, but as for the rest of my situation, my general status and all that, it's sort of up-in-the-air. This is one of the reasons that I haven't really known what to say here lately, and the main reason that I don't know what to say here now. I don't know what to say because I don't know what I'm going to do or which direction I'm going to go.

I have not forgotten about the Little Red Riding Hood rewrite. If you've been anxiously awaiting that, I'm rolling it around in my head, but so far nothing concrete has come out of it.

How about, for no particular reason, I write 10 Things I'd Like To Say to 10 people without identifying who those people are? Sometimes that's entertaining. Other times it's just ... wtf.

1. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. I certainly would not feel particularly loved or appreciated if the person I was married to valued a bunch of random stray animals over me and my health. But then they have always been like that. In fact, a lot of people are, mostly women, which is where the whole cat-lady stereotype comes from. I don't know what to say about it, but I can see that it really hurts you and I think we all fully understand that. We try to say something and point out how it might be unfair, unreasonable and downright hurtful, but it's sort of like talking English to someone who only understands Korean. The best I can say is, protect your health and let the animals go wild. Whatever they destroy, just make sure it isn't you. Perhaps when the back yard is being flooded by a now-bitten off faucet and there is no easy way to turn it off then that person might decide that their own convenience of not having to walk very far isn't really worth the cost. Perhaps.

2. I think my purpose in your life, my role, however brief, may be ending. I mean, no regrets. You have been a great friend to me. But I think my purpose may now be fulfilled as you appear to be on your path to happiness with the person you were meant to be with. I wish you all the best. If anyone 'deserves' happiness I think you do. I hope you find it and it all goes your way. You are a truly great person.

3. Seriously, all our lives we have known each other. All our lives. And yet I mean no more to you than your car in the driveway or a stray cat wandering the neighborhood. And sometimes I wonder if anyone does. I mean, I know your family does, but is there no one else?

4. I don't know what you want from me.

5. So you're determined to win this race, eh? Even if we desperately need someone better, someone who is who they say they are and not just a poser who moves in whatever direction the wind blows? Well, here's hoping you find the courage and integrity to be someone better if you win this thing, because if you get in there and sell us all out it's the end of the line for the shining city on a hill.

6. There's no pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. Wait, that's not a rainbow. That's just a trail of colorful smoke coming from the burning remnants of all my hopes and dreams.

7. Why don't you just kill me and get it over with? Or is that too much trouble? You're obviously busy and don't have time for me except on the bad days.

8. Isn't it odd how the people I once held onto so tightly as best friends never cared a thing for me at all and yet now I find some of the people who passed me in the halls without knowing me are today better friends than any I ever had before? Or maybe it isn't odd at all. Maybe I'm just an idiot. I say maybe, but there's really no maybe about it.

9. Squirrel!

10. As far as I can tell you have a bright future ahead of you. If you can just get through all the frustration of being so tightly controlled, and it won't last forever, then I think you're going to have a very happy and promising life. I certainly hope that you do. Surely there is at least one of us who might be permitted to fly?

Yeah, well, that's the best I could do. So there it is, about as random as it gets.

Christmas

2011-12-24T18:47:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!

I Remember

2011-12-21T23:13:00.004-06:00

I remember when I could go outside first thing in the morning and look down my street to see the morning paper in every single driveway. Now its just me. No one else gets the paper anymore.

I remember when the sky seemed so incredibly blue and the grass so green, the sun was so bright it was blinding. Now its all just gray.

I remember when it seemed like everyone had a mom and a dad and they lived together in the same house. And then one day, suddenly, it was as if a bomb exploded and half of every home was blown apart. Now a kid living with their own mom and their own dad is as rare as the morning paper in the driveway.

I remember believing that everyone was nice and wanted to help you. I remember believing the mailman was nice, and the garbage man, and the milkman, and even the policeman. I didn't even realize at the time that there was no such thing as milkmen anymore. After all, they were in all the storybooks. I remember when the police were called policeman and not police officer, and they were men. I remember believing that you were safe if a policeman was around.

I remember cars made of metal with chrome and doors that went THUNK when you closed them. The sound was so solid and reassuring. You knew you were safe inside that steel shell.

I remember women in dresses, but only just barely.

I remember when bullies punched you in the stomach or the face. And then one day feminist teachers at my school taught sexual assault against boys and the world became much different.

I remember when your coach was as respected as your preacher and neither one raped you in the ass.

I remember when people who assaulted a person's sexual organs were reviled rather than admired. And you couldn't show it on TV because it is obscene.

I remember beautiful women with long shiny hair.

I remember when my dad wore a tie to work every day.

I remember riding a purple bicycle to school early in the morning. I have no idea why I had a purple bicycle. I didn't choose it.

I remember when almost no one wore a seatbelt and child seats were only for babies.

I remember when everyone's mom had a giant stationwagon and no one thought there was anything wrong with that.

I remember thinking electric windows were neat because all my parents cars had manual windows.

I remember when we would install cassette decks in our cars in place of the factory radios, some of which were AM only.

I remember Members Only, polo shirts that fit way too tight, and tight jeans.

I remember when I believed I would one day have a good and secure job, a wife who loved me, and a family of my own which my wife and I would raise together. These were my major goals in life. These are what I always wanted and needed in order to be happy. And they still are.

I remember when I had faith that people were basically decent and good and I trusted them not to betray me.

I remember when I lost my faith.

Frying Friday

2011-12-15T22:18:00.010-06:00

Police intentionally shoot girl in groin with Taser
In Allentown, Pennsylvania, a police officer grabbed a 14-year-old high school freshman from behind, slammed her against a car, then pushed away and drew his Taser. He aimed the Taser at her groin, which he admits was absolutely intentional, and fired. The girl was electrocuted through her genitals and fell to the ground.

The video of this is going viral all around the internet.

Apparently now it's copyrighted and we can't see it

There are numerous stories being reported about this already. The cop said he was told that students were walking in traffic and create chaos on previous occasions, so the police were called to put a stop to it. He says he yelled to her and she had her back to him and ignored him. He said she was cursing, which he defined as inciting a riot.

I have already commented numerous times about my feelings concerning the use and abuse of Tasers, as well as Taser's own encouragement of targeting the groin and genitals specifically. If you read this blog then you already know how I feel about this. I'm leaving it up to you to watch the video, read the articles detailing what happened, and make up your own mind.

The police department has made the usual statements excusing the officer's actions and indicating that this will happen again in the future. The girl was absolutely bombarded with criminal charges following to the incident. Reading the list of charges filed against her you would think she was wearing a bomb vest and waving a machine gun when she ran up and tackled the unsuspecting policeman. But the video shows nothing of the sort. What it shows is a human being, an American citizen and child, being grabbed from behind, slammed into a car and then shot point blank in the genitals for what appears to be no just cause at all. Clearly the office was not in fear for his life when he drew the weapon, aimed it at her genitals and fired it.

Not only that, but she can clearly be seen raising her hands and surrendering right before the officer shot her in the genitals, in the exact same manner as the wheelchair-bound man in San Francisco earlier this year who was shot twice in the testicles with a shotgun after surrendering, all of which was also caught on video.

But again, you decide and tell me what you think. The beginning part of the video apparently does not show what they were doing beforehand, or so some of the articles say. Perhaps we missed something. Is there anything you can think of the video could possibly have missed that would justify the shooting of a human being in the genitals at point blank range with the world's most popular torture device, a device which is known to have caused permanent and total destruction of the genitalia of numerous victims in addition to having killed over 400 people?

How many unarmed human beings have to be shot in the genitals by American police, or grabbed by the genitals and lifted off the ground screaming, before something is done about this rising tide of sexual violence, absolute indecency, and torture by authorities and pretty much anyone else who enjoys sexually hurting people, without the slightest response from lawmakers and judges?

Now, in an unrelated note, I've noticed something else that is really bugging the shit out of me.

Yes, yes, I just assume you all come here to read about what is bothering me and hear me bitch.

OK, but once you notice it I guarantee its going to piss you off, too. Take a look at this car, the Nissan Juke:

Higher, brighter, larger and in-your-face

Look at the headlights. No, not the giant round driving lights that are now located where the headlights should be. Look up higher, closer to eye-level with the driver of a normal car. Yeah, THAT'S the headlights up there, up where your eyes will be as you're driving towards this monstrosity in your normal car. Those are the retina-searing laser HID headlights that are blinding drivers all over the world. The giant super-bright lights below are just parking lights, or driving lights, although they come on all the time to maximize the asshole-effect of this optical assailant.

This asshole-effect is important. The way these headlight systems work, the higher they are relative to other drivers, the more damage they do to your eyes when directed at you. They are 10 times brighter than normal lights, but the law only regulates the light they throw straight ahead, and even that is too high. They can throw as much light as they want at a slightly downward angle. Thus, the car companies can legally fry your eyes as long as the measured light projected straight ahead is below a level slightly less than the sun (seriously.) Lights mounted higher can emit as much light as possible downward into your face and the law doesn't care. So pickups and SUVs can legally blind us all because their lights can be mounted higher than a car's roof. The poor cars, though, are being left out. So that's why the manufacturers are now mounting the HID headlights up as close to windshield level as they can figure out how to do. They'll be putting them up on the roof soon if they can get away with it.

It isn't just this one Nissan car that has done this, raising the headlights up as high as possible to blind other drivers, while also installing the literally blinding Xenon HID system to make absolutely certain that every other driver on the road is blinded by them. It's nearly all the car manufacturers who are trying to figure ways to do this now. And for those of us who have to do a lot of night driving it is a major problem.

The worst offenders are the SUVs and pickup trucks. The systems I'm encountering in the full-sized pickup trucks are single-bulb on each side and when these trucks flash their brights at other cars there is absolutely no difference between their low and high-beam settings. They are EXACTLY the same literally blinding brightness. This means they are blinding everyone else on the road all the time and can't turn their ridiculous lights down even if they wanted to.

And lawmakers are doing absolutely nothing about it.

I'm gonna fry the eyeballs right out of your head

Wednesday

2011-12-14T23:48:00.005-06:00

This was going to be a Wordless Wednesday post, but I couldn't manage it even though I don't have anything specific I need to say. I've been swamped at work and busy after work, so I haven't been able to write as much as I usually do. I haven't been able to do a lot of things lately. Basically I go to work early, work late, then go home and watch TV while practicing guitar. I still suck at the guitar, by the way, just in case you were on the edge of your seat wondering about that.

I'm under a lot of stress. What else is new? I have several different ideas in my head for what to do with Little Red Riding Hood, but none that just grab me with excitement as being THE idea. I'll write something, though, just as soon as I can. It takes a lot of hours. I just haven't had them available.

Christmas is coming and there is a lot of chaos surrounding that right now. I don't know if I'm staying here and working through it or going to visit family in Georgia or what. I may end up spending Christmas alone. New Year's too. We'll see. I have a lot to think about.

In the news, Herman Cain was run out of the presidential race by a typical sex-accusation attack. Apparently it had started to get to Herman's wife, so he dropped out of the race even though he was winning. Perhaps this helps to explain why America has such a void in the leadership department? Anyone worth having as a leader can always be assassinated with false accusations and lies. Only a true politician of the sort that makes for a poor leader is prepared to handle such things. Sad for us all because it means we will likely only ever see inferior men take the most important positions in the nation. Michelle Bachmann, meanwhile, has been under constant attack of the sort I thought only Muslim terrorists would stoop to. Gay Leftists have been using children to hit Michelle Bachmann with obviously scripted questions about gay marriage that mislead and misdirect as to what the real issue is. Typical. Most likely we are going to end up with yet another party man, a lying sack of shit who promises whatever and delivers only a larger and more overbearing federal government, while solving no problems. We are on a road to disaster.

Meanwhile, in the TV world, TLC has been running an obvious Muslim propaganda piece called "All American Muslim" that comes straight out of Hitler's own playbook. Considering how much of what is shown on television is pure political propaganda, either feminist or gay or black, and always socialist, this really doesn't surprise me at all. I don't watch it anyway. I've been busy. But I do hear that some companies have pulled their ads from TLC over this show. That's a rare display of testicular fortitude from America's corporations. It won't last long, though, if recent history is any guide. They'll all be back, voicing their full support for the show and seeking to placate the Muslim terrorists by burning Christian symbols during Ramadan. Wait and see.

The news media has been trying to make stories out of shit that isn't a story at all. For example, a church in Butthole, Kentucky with maybe 60 members argued over disallowing mixed race couples. No one gives a shit. A fraternity in Vermont made a joke about "who would you like to rape" and got the feminists' grannie panties all in a giant wad. A school teacher removed the word "gay" from a Christmas song when her students wouldn't stop giggling every time they sang it. The Press is all over this shit. They think it matters.

Meanwhile, the NTSB, a Federal Agency with a huge budget and nothing legitimate to do with the money has ordered all the states to outlaw cell phone use while driving. Not just texting, mind you, but any use of a cell phone of any kind. That includes hands-free conversations. As for the Xenon headlights that have apparently burned my retinas and caused me vision problems, not a single fucking word about those from the Nationional Transportation Safety Board. They are fucking blinding drivers coming in the opposite direction at high speeds, but not a single thing has been said or done about them. Nope. And as a result of these blinding lights, more American drivers than ever before are habitually driving with their high beams on because they see everyone else doing it and not getting ticketed for it, so they think it's legal now. I guess if Xenon headlights are legal maybe it is legal to drive around with your high beams on. There is no difference between high and low when those fuckers with the Xenon lights flash their brights at all the drivers flashing to tell them to turn them off except when they have dual headlamp systems where there is actually a separate bulb for the brights, in which case their brights are more blinding than a camera flash, except they don't turn off right away.

So anyway, that's all I've got time for. I have to sleep. Good night!

News that couldn't possibly matter any less

The Winner Is

2011-12-08T22:09:00.004-06:00

The People have spoken and they have chosen Little Red Riding Hood as the next Memphis fairy tale.

The Winner - Red!

So, it's Christmas right now and my time is divided between a large number of things, but I shall endeavor to crank out this twisted version of the ancient children's story just as fast as I can. Maybe if it goes well I'll take whatever fairy tale was number 2 in the poll and rewrite it, too. We'll see.

Thank you for voting, and for even caring whether I wrote anything or not.

This Week in the News

2011-12-01T23:09:00.012-06:00

Presidential candidate Herman Cain is under constant attack by Democrat operatives claiming he sexually harassed them, had a sexual affair with them, raped them, produced Satan's child through them, sacrificed goats with them, pretty much anything the Democrats can pull out of their ass is being thrown at Mr Cain. I thought they were vicious to Michelle Bachmann, the lone female candidate, but that was nothing compared to the raw hatred the Demos are firing at Herman Cain, the only black candidate. (No, I don't count Obama as black. Deal with it.)

Democrats go after Herman Cain with a vengeance

A computer scientist has revealed that virtually all smart phones have software installed on them that track not only our every move, but our every keystroke, as well. And then they report this information back to the company that provides your phone service. I had been cursing the hell out of my Blackberry for the ridiculous amount of time it spends ignoring me because it's too busy talking back and forth to the server. I couldn't figure out what it could possibly be saying that took so damn long. I guess now I know. Bastards!

Can't text now, busy reporting your passwords to Big Brother

Even though the Demos in the Press are virtually stringing up Herman Cain like their ancestors in the Ku Klux Klan used to do, that doesn't mean they aren't still taking cheap shots at Michelle Bachmann. They planted a high school student in one of her audiences and had him hit her with a bullshit question about gay "rights", worded in a way that assumes gay people in America don't have the exact same rights as everyone else, the very definition of 'equal rights'. They fear her because she's smarter than Obama, which doesn't take much, but she will take the hetero female vote away from him. Obama can't win with just the black and gay vote. And with the way they're lynching Herman Cain he may not even have the black vote for much longer.

I'll answer your bullshit question and impress voters as I do it

Apple's new Siri, the (of course) female voice on the new 4S phones that answers questions, gives advice and will tell you where to find businesses near your location if you ask, is under fire. It seems that feminists are drilling her with lots of PC questions and discovered that she has a glitch which they instantly declared a 'conspiracy to keep the woman down!' Siri can't find abortion clinics. If you tell her you want an abortion and need an abortionist, she says "I can't find one." Perhaps that's because in the everything-is-political United States, all abortion clinics are mislabeled 'family planning' clinics, and abortionists are called 'family planning doctors?' So if you ask Siri for a family planning clinic she has no problem answering. But if you ask her for an abortion, the intentionally misnamed and miscategorized clinics don't show up in her database as a valid answer. Don't blame Siri. Blame the American abortion industry that works so hard to hide what it is and what it does.

Feminists attack Siri

Government Motors' much touted and Obama-mandated Chevy Volt is (as expected) a big pile of shit. It catches fire when hit from the side, sometimes showing no indication that it is going to burst into flames for as much as 3 whole days, giving the owner time to get it to a bodyshop and have them pull it inside before it explodes like a terrorist's bomb and burns the whole place to the ground. And now the power chords are melting while recharging the damn cars. Its a good thing no one is buying these things anyway because if they did it could cause some serious problems.

The Chevy Volt - 230 mpg, 451 degrees Fahrenheit

A tiny church with only 40 members located in the middle of Nowhere, Kentucky, voted to ban interracial marriages at their church. The Left-Wing Press, believing that nothing else other than Siri not being able to perform abortions was more important than this story, has been covering it like mad all week long. The fact that a church is a private group of individuals and can vote to do just about anything they want, which has no impact on anyone outside of that group, seems to have escaped the understanding of the Media. Also escaping the perpetually bitchy American Press was that the church vote to do this was in response to a couple that only attended once, with the female of the couple being only barely associated with the church and her boyfriend not being a member at all, and even that vote hasn't been settled. The church members are still fighting over it, with most of them refusing to vote on it at all, and only 15 of them participating in the issue. Yet somehow THIS is the biggest news story of the week in the United States of PMS.

This is CNN

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-30T13:51:00.002-06:00

Madness Meme - part II

2011-11-28T03:06:00.002-06:00

Holy shit, there's more to this meme that I stole from Catch Her in the Wry!

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
I'm naked all the time underneath my clothes.

No shirt, no shoes, no service, eh? I'll show you!
24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'd be whatever type of animal was coded into my DNA going all the way back to me as an embryo. That's just how that shit works.

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
I'm a big fan of carbon dating. Generally nothing requiring carbon dating has any hair left.

Baby, why won't you return my calls?
26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?
What??

27. Do you have any special talents?
I can make balloon animals with my junk.

Go ahead, give it a tug!
28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
The first thing I do is to shut the damn door. We don't live in a barn. I'm not paying to air condition the whole world. We're not running a homeless shelter for mosquitos. Sorry, I was channeling my dad there for a second.

29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Some comedies are more accurately described as a horror. Take Adam Sandler's 2 movies he released this year, for example. Jack and Jill? Was this really meant to be a serious comedic offering to the American public? This guy must think we're all totally retarded or something. Who finances these nightmares he keeps putting out?

Not funny like ha ha funny
30. Are you missing anyone?
One time when I got into an apple throwing fight with my cousin from Texas I missed her with every shot. She, being a fast-pitch Texas softball pitcher, though, never missed me once. That fight didn't last long.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
In a mansion in Hawaii. Alternatively, it might be nice to be just senile enough to think that I'm living in a mansion in Hawaii. Perception is 90 percent of life, right?

Where I live in my head
32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
Myself. Counting on someone else's fingers and toes is a bit rude, not to mention unreliable.

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Jessica Biel past, back before she skinnied up for the role as a stripper that she played and almost no one saw. There's no particular reason for this choice. I just spit it off the top of my head because you asked.

JB
34. What did you dream last night?
I dreamed I was sleeping and then I woke up. And when I woke up I wasn't sure if I was just dreaming that I had been sleeping and woken up or if I really had.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I like to watch politicians beating each other to death with medieval weapons in the gladiator arena. I think every country should adopt this sport. We'd all be better off.

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
36. Are you named after anyone?
I was named after everyone who was born before me and given a name by their parents, which they tell me is quite a lot of people.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Single malt oak peat smoked tequila whiskey wine blend, shaken and then stirred, with a little umbrella, on frozen whiskey rocks, in a snifter pointed due North.

38. Non alcoholic drink?
I never touch the stuff!

39. Have you ever been in love?
I find it ironic that you pose this love question immediately after the questions about alcohol, seeing as so many love relations began with alcohol and ended with even heavier drinking.

40. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but I fart tunefully.

41. Have you ever been arrested?
I was once busted by the Dream Police. They live inside of my head. The Dream Police, they come to me in my bed.

42. What is your favorite holiday?
I'm a bit torn between Doc Holiday, cowboy star, and Billie Holiday, singing star. They're both special in their own way.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
If I were to accidentally stick my face into a meat grinder or have my junk ripped off by a crazed monkey I might be tempted to submit to a little plastic surgery. Or if it would help me at all in my career.

44. Have you ever caught a fish?
I know a guy who goes by the name of Fish. I've never caught him doing anything, per se, but I heard a rumor that he got a lovely 20-year-old girl pregnant and is now a father. Then again, I think he may have married that girl, so I guess you'd say she caught him and I don't really fit into this story at all. What were we talking about again?

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T14:27:00.011-06:00

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. And do you know what I'm going to be doing?

Nothing. Not a damn thing. Not one single damn thing.

We have decided to stay home and just rest for this Thanksgiving.

Granted, there will be cleaning of the house, working in the yard, working on cars and the like. But as far as leaving the house, battling traffic, shuffling around a crowded house trying to talk to family while in-laws try to start arguments about football, crying babies burst our eardrums, children bounce toys off our groins, and other typical family holiday activities, there shall be none for us this year.

We are staying home. Just us. And two cats, one of which is insane. And the neighbors' giant Himalayan monster that keeps coming over trying to kill our kitten and run off our male cat.

So, it's Thanksgiving, a time for giving thanks. Let's see how many things I can come up with that I'm thankful for:

1) My Health - if you look to the left in my blogroll you'll see a blog called "Dundee's Battle". You should click it and read. Seriously, go check it out. She's young, beautiful, Australian, and she has cancer. It's kind of a big deal. They already operated earlier this week. It's in her frontal lobe. That's the brain. Yeah, a big deal. And now she's trying to rehab, which involves the struggle of trying to relearn things and rewire the brain so she can have a normal life. Kind of a big damn deal. I thank God for my health, despite the problems I have. We all have a few problems. But we don't all have cancer.

2) My Job - yes, it frustrates the hell out of me, mostly because I have to work with multiple PCs and at least one of them is a huge piece of junk . You should hear me cursing it when I'm working late in the office alone, mostly because the slow-assed computer makes working so inefficient that I end up working late to make up for it. But at least I have a job. Over 80 percent of the unemployed in this country are males. No, that's no accident by our first lesbian feminist president, but nevertheless, I still have a job. And unlike most of my previous jobs, I'm not working with any crazy evil sociopathic people. Or at least so far I have yet to encounter any. Not a single one. I am grateful for my job. I like my employer and my fellow employees. Even though I'm grossly underpaid.

3) My Family - my father died a few years back, but other than that, everyone is alive and well, more or less, and we are able to get together and hang out if we really want to. Usually we do on major holidays, but after last Christmas when a snowstorm resulted in a certain family member having a house full of food she spent days cooking and no one able to get through the snow to come eat it, she didn't want to do it again this year, so we are all sort of on our own. Still, I know she's alive, and the rest of my family is, too, except Dad. And I'm grateful for that.

4) My House - I may rarely get to see it because of my work situation, but I own a nice house and it sits in a nice yard and we have nice neighbors, so very unlike my previous house and neighbors which I mention in my profile here on this blog. It's a nice change to go from a drug dealer across the street and an alcoholic next door to him and various white trash criminal firemen's kids terrorizing the neighborhood to a nice neighborhood with none of that.

5) My Stuff - I realize it sounds like an odd thing to say I'm grateful for, but just bear with me for a second. I am grateful for all my stuff. I have cars and they don't leave me stranded. Just last night I saw a guy sitting on the side of the road with his feet sticking out the passenger door as he dialed someone while sitting broken down on the side of the highway in the dark and the rain. I sped past, not stopping to offer any help. But as I did so, I was reminded that my car hasn't stranded me like that. It's not a pretty car by any means, but it always gets there as fast as I care to drive and it's comfy. And when I get bored I have a fleet of others I can drive if I wish. I have a bunch of stuff like that, not necessarily pretty, but that gets the job done and without much hassle. And it occurs to me that I'm glad, because I hate hassles, which is why I hate my computer at work. My TV isn't new, but it always works. My cars aren't new, but they always get there. My watch isn't expensive, but ... wait, where the hell did I leave my watch, anyway? Oh well, it wasn't expensive and I can replace it with ease at any time. Which leads to the next point ...

6) My Money - no, I'm not Jewish, and yes, that's a prejudiced thing to say, but I am grateful for the money that I have and the fact that I have it. I'm not rich, but I can afford a house and my old cars and my watch that I lost and the clothes I just bought at Kohl's because I needed new ones for work and my TV and my guitars and the stuff that keeps me occupied and more or less content. I know people who have nothing and have to struggle. I know people who spend every dime and appear rich, but have constant stress of making payments on all their stuff because they can't really afford it and they don't want anyone to know that, so it's all purchased with debt. I don't have a lot of debt. I'd rather have a car that's older and paid off than a new Lexus that costs me a $600 per month car note. It's just the way I am.

7) My Friends - I've written here and there over the years about reevaluating my friendships and realizing that a lot of the people that I called friend really weren't. But during that time I also realized that many people I had overlooked really were. And I made new friends during that time, too. Maybe as I get older and less willing to tolerate bad friends, I am making better decisions in who I am willing to be friends with? Or maybe I'm just lucky and the new friends I've met recently just happened to come along at the right time? I don't know. But life without friends is not worth much, in my opinion. A man without friends is either living in a shitty place where no one is worth much, or else he himself is not worth much because no one wants to be his friend. Whatever the case, I am grateful for my friends. They make life much more worthwhile.

8) My Country - I make no secret of my opinion of President Obama, our first lesbian president, or Vice President Joe Biden, or a whole host of other non-leader politicians who screw us over as often as they can here in America. But I am also aware of how bad it is in many other countries and how unhappy the people in those places seem to be, both with their current situation and their current crop of 'leaders'. We have a real crisis here, and we had better get it straightened out quick or else the country everyone always wanted to move to will be no more. Or rather, it will be called Australia, if it isn't already (carbon tax.) But even so, we still have a lot worth fighting for in this place and we still have it pretty good thanks to the incredible foresight of our Founding Fathers who did all they could to shield us from the very sorts of crooked politicians who currently dominate our national government. It could be a lot worse. We could be Venezuela.

9) My Faith - you might not know it, but I am actually a Christian. I have friends who have various other different beliefs, but the ones I see as the most unlike me, and whose lives are the most unlike what I would ever want, are the ones who believe that there is no God and nothing after this, that this world is all there is and after that, nothing. Their belief that our lives are meaningless, and that all we are and all we do is for nothing in the grand scheme of things, seems to lend itself to a perpetual emptiness that they struggle to fill, but can't. And the older they get, and the more time seems to speed up, the more I hear their thoughts on the meaninglessness of it all. I also take note of the fact that this belief in no God is a requirement for the destructive and misery-creating policies of the socialist Left, who believe that the only Heaven is what we create here on Earth right now, and that we have to hurry and do it right away because tomorrow we die and then it's all over, so no time for deep thought or wisdom, only to act and act NOW. Its one of the reasons why the Hard Left is so religious and fanatical in their dogma, so intolerant of any other viewpoint that differs from their own, so frantic to destroy and remake the entire world in the image of their empty dream without slowing long enough to see their own mistakes, and so willing to kill anyone who gets in the way of that dream. Because it is their handmade god. They believe that everyone else has to create some sort of god because they themselves have done this, or attempted to, but they have failed. I don't have to make my God. He made me.

10) The Internet - during some of the darkest, loneliest of times, when I was living in a hell surrounded by rednecks, white socks and blue ribbon beer, but no real friends, I was able to go out onto the internet and find friends all over the world. That was something brand new to me and it was very exciting. It's been almost 8 years now that I've been writing this stupid blog and I am still friends with a great many people whom I have met because of it. Yes, I realize that friendships involving people you have never met face-to-face is a bit different than daily life friendships, but that doesn't mean that they don't add value to your life. I'm grateful for you.

Monday

2011-11-21T10:01:00.009-06:00

So let's talk about the 'geniuses' who run network television here in the United States of Group-Think. When was the last time you saw an episode of "Cougar Town" on ABC? I've been waiting about as long as I can stand for this show to come back and I've been pissed off about it taking so long, too. Now I read that ABC is reducing the number of episodes it is ordering from 22 to 15. It's not as if we haven't even seen ANY episodes in nearly a year or anything, you assholes. And this weak attempt at recreating "Friends", except with one black guy and one gay guy, to appease the humorless activists on the corporate board of directors, which ABC currently has running in the "Cougar Town" timeslot is such a work of genius, either. "Happy Endings" is lame and barely getting by. And no, it won't ever be a huge hit like "Friends" was. It's just not funny enough.

Speaking of stupid network TV assholes, is a tribe of monkeys running NBC? First they stubbornly refuse to move "Community" out of the same timeslot as the raging hit "Big Bang Theory" because, oh I don't know, it might do extremely well. And now they're just flat canceling it. Seriously? What, you have a better show hiding in your desk drawer somewhere that we have never seen before? If you did I'm sure you'd put it up against some other raging hit, like "House" or something so that we'd never see it, either. Geez, why can't I get a job running a major TV network so I can show them how it should be done? Seriously, I've watched these morons wreck good shows for years and years. I'm pretty sure I could do a lot better.

Boob restraints
So apparently the fashionistas are all up in arms about who wore what at the various awards shows over the past week or so. They are bitching that Katy Perry wore a dress that just barely covered her nipples and would have slipped and popped both boobs out if she so much as sneezed. Well, she didn't sneeze and nothing came out so what's the big deal?

Super Dogma
The Press is up in arms about the failure of the 'Super' Committee to accomplish anything. What kind of moron ever expected this trainwreck to accomplish anything? It was clearly designed to pit ideologues against any suggestions of a solution. It was packed with religious Marxists whose only purpose was to stonewall. I heard someone say that since the cornerstone of President Obama's campaign is that Congress is to blame for the country's problems because it "does nothing" the last thing he wanted was a super committee that actually accomplished something.

Boo!
As if we don't already know that most of the largest corporate entities in this country are being run by a committee of PC bitches and eunuchs, here is further proof: NASCAR invited Michelle Obama and Jill Biden to be the grand marshals of a NASCAR race. They were booed by the fans, over half of whom are Democrats themselves. Inviting these rich-bitch political princesses to officiate at a NASCAR event is about as well thought out as the time professional baseball invited Roseanne Barr to sing the National Anthem at the start of a game. Or the NFL ordering their players to wear pink. Or the existence of the WNBA. Idiots!

Eric Holder
Speaking of PC bitches and eunuchs, the FBI stands accused of ignoring a black Muslim terrorist who attempted to bomb key sites in New York City. New York police arrested him with a bomb in his possession even as Eric Holder's openly black racist FBI continued to insist that police leave the terrorist alone. The excuse the FBI gave for their stance was that they believed the terrorist was simply too stupid to carry out his threats. Is that racial profiling in reverse or what is that? If a white FBI ever said that there would be hell to pay.

History is politically incorrect
In Austin, Texas, the most pro-communist city south of the Mason-Dixon line, an application by the Sons of Confederate Veterans to have personalized license plates with the historic Confederate Flag on them along with "Sons of Confederate Veterans" has been rejected by politically correct Democrats and one Republican candidate for President, Governor Rick Perry. In a typical display of the two-faced double-standards long synonymous with the Democratic Party, Democratic state Sen. Rodney Ellis of Houston said, "The state of Texas should not sanction what's become a symbol of hatred and racism." The irony and hypocrisy is in the fact that until the early 1990s it was Democrats in all Southern states who proudly flew this flag and waved it about, especially while campaigning for office. It wasn't until The South switched from majority Democrat to majority Republican in 1994 that the Democrats and their bitches in the media suddenly decided that the flag was a symbol of hate and racism. Since it was them who flew it, what it reveals about their own prejudices is truly epic. No one objected to this flag prior to 1994, as proven by network TV's embrace of it for "The Dukes of Hazard", a hit show which no one in the black community or Democratic Party ever objected to.

The Madness Meme

2011-11-16T01:20:00.000-06:00

I stole this from Catch Her in the Wry who stole if from Sunday Stealing:

1.Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Why would I do that? I've wiped them on my shirt to get fingerprints and crap off the surface, but licking one is something that I would never do.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated
I was once engaged to a girl who was 6 years younger than me. But she dumped me for a douchebag who worked with her at The Peanut Shack. I was graduating a university with a good degree and a serious career ahead of me and she dumped me for a minimum wage dork who worked in the mall at The Peanut Shack.

Don't leave me!
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
I once launched my father's 1969 Buick Wildcat 6 feet into the air and landed on the front bumper, which technically didn't count as a wreck, but it sure did scare the living shit out of me. It didn't do the car any good either, although it didn't show any signs of damage. They used to build manly cars out of steel back in The Day before government assholes and marketing fags convinced the car companies to make them all out of plastic and market them exclusively to girlie girls. If you did what I did with any modern car the whole front end would fall off, the air bags would break your face, the front wheels would fall off and the engine and transmission would fall out onto the ground. I'm not kidding.

Dad will never notice
4. Were you popular in high school?
That would depend on your definition of 'popular'. I was popular with sororities who made lists of people that their 'mean girls' weren't allowed to speak to or associate with. And by 'popular' I mean that I was on that list.

5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I was sort of hired out as a male prostitute for a senior prom. It was all very "16 Candles" or "Pretty in Pink" or whichever movie had Molly Ringwald going to prom with some guy she didn't care about because Jake didn't take her. I was a last minute stand-in at more than one prom before graduating, which is to say, the guys they really wanted dumped them and I was an unwanted stand-in.

6. Are looks important?
Mine aren't. And by this I simply mean that no one is looking at me, so it doesn't matter what I look like.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
Most of them. I know too much about their past for them to dump me, you see, so they have to keep me around.

8. By what age would you like to be married?
Are you talking about the old definition of marriage or the new, gay definition of marriage? 'Cause I'm not interested in being married to a guy. I don't need a husband.

9. Does the number of people a person has slept with affect your view of them?
No, they usually look the same no matter how many people they've slept with, unless they got AIDS or Hep C from it, in which case they look kind of rough.

10. Have you ever made a mistake?
My entire life is one big mistake. I should correct it by tying a rope around my neck and erasing the whole thing. Knowing me, though, I'd do that wrong too and screw it up somehow.

11. Are you a good tipper?
I once saw a coworker tip a waitress 46% simply because she was pretty. I can't say that I do that, but I generally tip OK unless the person waiting on me treats me like crap.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
How could this possibly interest anyone? I actually don't know the answer, but with my hair, it pretty much does whatever the hell it wants to anyway so expensive haircuts are a bit of a waste for me.

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
When I was in the fifth grade the reigning Miss Alabama was student teaching with our class for several months. She was about 20 years old and smokin' hot. That was the only teacher crush I ever had, and she wasn't technically our teacher.

14. Have you ever peed in public?
I once peed on the house of a guy that my prom date dumped me to go screw. I was very much outside in public, highly intoxicated and I didn't give a damn.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult seems like as good a choice as any. More than likely, though, people will ignore my wishes and go with Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
My father is dead, so I suppose he might turn over in his grave a little. My mother would simply be confused and then tell me the story about a woman she knows who was married to a man who had a heart attack and emerged from the hospital with a totally different personality which included becoming gay. She would assume that I must've had a heart attack, too.

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Something that takes a very long time to cook.

18. Beatles or Stones?
Right now I'm going with the Stones, but my mood changes and with it so do my musical preferences.

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
I would withhold my choice for as long as possible so that everyone would be nice to me for fear that I might choose them. See how that works?

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Yes, please.

21. Do you have any phobias?
I'm dumbassophobic.

22. What are your plans for the future?
None of my past plans for the future have come to pass despite my best efforts so from now on all I can do is live moment to moment.

Veterans Day - 11/11/11

2011-11-11T00:21:00.003-06:00

Thanks to all the veterans for defending our country again and again

Thursday Things

2011-11-10T18:52:00.017-06:00

Joe Paterno was fired today. A gay coach who worked with him, or worked at Penn State, or something, was seen raping a young boy in the locker room by an assistant several years ago. The assistant told Coach Paterno. Coach Paterno told his superiors. Whatever his superiors did with the information, I don't know, but they didn't call the police. Now, all these years later, the story is out and it turns out that the coach raped several boys. So now all the coaches are fired and the news media is reporting that a Penn State football coach sexually assaulted 'children.'

Look, that guy's raping that other guy
No, ladies, he didn't sexually assault 'children'. He specifically raped boys. He rammed his penis into the anal regions of young boys while fondling their very external and totally vulnerable male genitalia. But because we live in a society that protects the reputation of gays at all costs, while simultaneously celebrating, encouraging and laughing at sexual violence and abuse of males, our news media feels that it has to censor the truth of the story and edit it to be about 'children'. Thus they give casual readers the impression that this bad man molested young girls like all the pretend sex offenders we see on CBS every night of the week, which is not what he did.

All that is required for evil to triumph
is for good men to do nothing
Why crucify Joe Paterno while not dragging the actual rapist out into the street and hanging him from a tree for being a vicious sexual predator? Because the victims are all male, that's why. And we don't know what to do with that. And also because the rapist is gay, and we don't punish gay people because we fear being called 'homophobic' more than we fear serial sexual abusers who target boys. And that is just wrong.

I'm gonna eliminate 3 government agencies ... uh ...
The Republican debates were on CNBC last night. Mitt Romney decided to go sans makeup this time, ostensibly to set himself apart from Michelle Bachmann who wears a lot of it. As it turned out, one of the CNBC commentators, who looks like a Kardashian only shorter and less attractive, decided to wear all the makeup that he didn't, plus her own, at the same time. She looked like a psycho clown. Or maybe it was her personality that made her seem that way? Anyway, Rick Perry stated that he would eliminate 3 government agencies if elected president, and then forgot what the third one was. It was a huge mistake, and was all over Twitter as the biggest thing going, right up until ....

Ashton Kutcher tweeted that he thought the whole Penn State scandal was being overblown and he didn't see why Coach Joe Paterno was being fired. He admitted to not knowing all the details of the situation, but having 8 million followers, all of whom apparently knew more about the scandal than he did, the seemingly innocent tweet turned into a blood bath, with 8 million Tweeters building a wooden cross and immediately nailing Mr Kutcher to it while calling him "Kelso" and accusing him of defending a child rapist.

"What the hell just happened?"
Rumor has it Rick Perry called Ashton later that night to thank him for taking the heat off him and his little brain fart earlier in the evening.

You're not out of balls, silly!
Meanwhile, pro golfer John Daly was kicked out of Australia for ..... running out of balls! No, seriously, he ran out of balls. And then he had a fit. And then he walked off the course of a major PGA tournament that he was only able to enter due to a special invitation. And then his wife took a swipe at a TV camera. And then the Australian golf association made it clear he would never be invited back again.

Curly, Moe and Larry
Meanwhile, the stock market has been going up and down like a kid on a trampoline in response to the goings on in Europe, with every single bit of it being pure speculation on the part of investors. They have no idea what the end result is going to be, yet every time European politicians offer a glimmer of hope investors send the market flying upward. Then the hope is dashed and the investors send the market crashing down again. Yay, so much fun!

I can't wait to get out into traffic!
Closer to home, we've had a cold snap plus a full moon. Guess what that means? Yes, totally batshit crazy people in rush hour traffic! YAAAAY! I wasn't sure if I was going to make it home alive tonight without some sort of fist fight on the side of the highway. Oh, and I passed a 5-car collision that nearly caused me to have a wreck, too. More yaaaaay!

Let's see, what else interesting happened just this week? Oh yes, the entire city of Birmingham, Alabama, the largest city in Alabama, has declared bankruptcy after a very, very corrupt mayor and his cronies basically robbed the city blind for years. The media helped him get away with it by covering over his abuses the entire time because, well you know, he's politically correct. And by that I mean, either he's gay, a woman, or black. You choose which one it was. I don't care. I don't live there.

Mayor Larry Langford - robber of Birmingham

Questions Galore Meme - Part 3

2011-11-08T22:01:00.000-06:00

Stolen from Catch Her in the Wry who stole it from Sunday Stealing:

41. What is a quote that you love?
My favorite quote at this moment is, "Mike Tirico is a fucking treasonous cunt who deserves to be castrated and then shot by the men of the US military whom he just shamelessly insulted on Monday Night Football." The quote is from me, but that doesn't stop me from loving it.

42. Do you think of pure hate as something humanity created?
Humanity never created anything. Think about it, every single thing we have ever 'created' was from building blocks already provided. Even children come from sperm and eggs which just appear inside us without our doing anything. To create something is to start from nothing. We consider creativity to be the ability to come up with things from a blank canvas, from nowhere, from nothing, but in truth, every new idea was built on a previous one. Every painting required a canvas and paint. Every song was built from rules and ideas taken from previous songs and theories. Pure hate is something no human being is capable of. I hate Mike Tirico, but I can't claim it is a pure hate. Mostly it's just a desire to see him beaten to a pulp by men in uniform as punishment for being such a pussified asshole.

43. When was the last time you wanted to scream?
Ten minutes ago when I went against my own better judgment and watched part of a Monday Night Football game even though I knew Mike Tirico would be announcing and would inevitably piss me off with his misandric vagina.

44. Do you ever at times see the world in black and white?
Sometimes, if I select that option in Photoshop just to see if a picture would look better that way.

45. Have you ever thought that cell phones are too obtrusive?
It's the people who are obtrusive. You can choose not to answer, such as when you are driving. You choose not to use a blinker while blabbing away on your cell phone just because you are too selfish and lazy to reach down and flick the lever with the hand you chose to hold your cell phone in. It is people who are too obtrusive, and that obtrusiveness comes from selfishness.

46. In your life, where do you think the rainbow will end?
I don't think there is any rainbow. And there aren't any ponies either. And no gay pride parade and no Lucky Charms and no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that doesn't exist. There is just this, whatever you want to call it, that is my life each day until it isn't. And then it won't be. But there haven't been any rainbows and I'm not holding my breath waiting for any.

47. What is something that you never want to do again?
There are just so many things, where would I even begin? If I had my whole life to live over again, I would walk an entirely different road as much as possible.

48.When was the first time you realized the world was small?
It isn't the world that is small, it is some of the narcissists who inhabit it, shitheads with their blinding Xenon laser headlights on the highway, talking on their cellphones in traffic instead of paying attention, or insulting the men of this country on ESPN's Monday Night Football, or slandering men in exchange for fame or money or both, or parking their fat asses in everyone else's way in the aisle of a store just because they can, or setting up cameras everywhere in order to monitor the people and charge them with crimes for every single move they make or breath they take - those people are small little trolls who deserve only our contempt and who surely get it. But they can't make the world small. There is so much to do and so much to see. There are still distant places where you can go and escape those people for a little while. There are places that make you say "holy cow" and realize that the world is gigantic and you are small. And the universe is even bigger still.

49. How do you spend your time contemplating life’s mysteries?
I sit behind the wheel of my car, or in front of the TV, or reading a magazine or newspaper, staring in amazement at some of the worlds stupidest people and think to myself, "how can a person be as stupid as that and still be able to speak and communicate? You would think that animals could talk and write if a human can be as dumb as that person and yet still talk endlessly about mindless crap which they so totally misunderstand." To me, "The View" is a perfect example of one of life's greatest mysteries. How can so many be so utterly stupid and yet no one in their entire studio has any greater understanding than them? It's like watching monkeys throwing their own shit around in the zoo.

50. Ever discuss your political beliefs with people?
I say what I know is true. If anyone chooses to hear, good for them. If they tune me out, fuck'em.

51. Do you care about the environment?
This questions hinges on the definition of 'care'. It is a question usually asked with an agenda behind it involving an attempt to manipulate a person into embracing a radical dogma that is unhealthy and illogical. For that matter, 'the environment' needs to be clarified because I could care only about the room in which I currently sit, and yet this is my environment every bit as much as the land the room sits upon or the state the land is located within, or the nation, or the continent. Maybe I care, but only about my own immediate environment, or maybe I care about clean air, but don't believe in totalitarian governments taxing the air we breath and excusing this violation of our basic human rights to life and liberty by claiming it is necessary 'for the environment.'

52. What's your motto for life?
Don't make me fuck you up.

53. Is progress destroying the beauty of the world?
I could argue all day about the definition of both progress and beauty. But just to avoid argument, imagine Japan after the tsunami. Without progress everything would remain a giant wasteland for generations. People would simply leave the mess and move elsewhere. With progress, even a natural disaster of such epic proportions can eventually be recovered from. They can and will rebuild and get on with their lives. Let me ask you, what is more beautiful, an empty stretch of desert sand, or a beautiful woman like Heidi Klum? Without living beings to witness the beauty of this world, what good is that beauty? What purpose does it serve? It may as well not exist at all without people to live in and enjoy it. Venus with all it's acidic gases would be considered just as beautiful as Earth with its green grass, blue water, and living beings. To curse progress is to romanticize the past, forgetting how hard it was, while taking the ease of modern life for granted. Then again, if your government just passed a carbon tax and called it 'progress' then I can see why you might feel that way.

54. Do you believe there is life somewhere else in the universe?
I believe it is a question of less importance than the current generation assigns it. If we discover bacteria alive on Mars, while that may be very interesting from a scientific perspective, how does it affect you? Will you really even care? Perhaps the more relevant question should be, 'do you believe there is intelligent life capable of interacting and communicating with humans on earth somewhere else in the universe and if so, should we destroy it as soon as we find it?'

55. Would you like to rule a country?
It would depend on what country. I don't need the headaches of ruling a trainwreck. But if you offer me a job as king of a nation with enough steady income and wealth to set me up with a nice life and my own army, I'd take it.

56. Do you believe everything has a purpose?
No, I don't see any purpose in Joe Biden at all.

57. Is war ever for the best?
When dealing with a maniac with an army and weapons which they intend to use to kill you and yours, war is the only option. Whether it is 'best' does not enter into it. Winning that war is for the best. The war itself is simply what must be done. Tolerating that enemy and refusing to prepare for war is the worst thing you can do.

58. Could you kill anyone in defense of self or loved ones?
Yes, and so could you given a threat to the right loved one.

59. How do you react to people (Such as Governor Rick Perry) who don't believe global warming is really our fault?
I admire their refusal to embrace the mindless self-loathing fad of this new Romantic era and instead think for themselves. Remember the Maginot Line and all those Frenchmen who took solace in the knowledge that 'everyone knows' it will keep them safe? Following the latest 'everyone knows' is one of the surest ways to get lost. Think for yourself.

60. Does love conquer all?
No, love has never conquered feminism. Hate is still too strong and, in fact, growing stronger and richer and more politically entrenched every year. Love conquers one heart at a time, but hate sweeps through entire populations like a disease.

61. Is euthanasia morally acceptable?
If the person being euthanized wants it. If they don't, it's murder, even if your intentions are good.

62. Is world peace impossible?
Yes, it is impossible so long as people still exist. There are many vastly differing personality types, and some of the most evil people in the world are also highly intelligent and focused totally on the acquisition of power and the oppression of their fellow man. This may sound foreign to your way of thinking, but these blood-lusting psychos exist in every part of the world and often spend their entire lives seeking ever greater power and authority over others. Sometimes they rise to lead entire nations, and when those nations are strong enough, they use that power to attack other nations. These people will always exist. In fact, if they could, they would wipe out all the rest of us and leave only other people like themselves, in case you were thinking that perhaps one day this personality disorder might be cured. They don't want to be 'cured'. They don't think they have a problem. They think people like me who don't celebrate destruction and murder have the problem and need to be 'cured' by mass murder. And before you philosophize that humans in general are the whole problem with the world, even bands of monkeys wage wars against rival bands of monkeys. Predatory cats murder the babies of other cats. There is nowhere in the world that peace truly exists. Peace is a temporary state of being at best.

63. Is pride a good or a bad thing?
Pride is a group of lions. If they're out in the wild culling weak caribou from the herd then it's a good thing. If they're in your living room culling the weak from your family then it's bad. Its all in your perspective.

64.What do you think is the purpose of your life?
If I knew the purpose of my life I probably wouldn't have spent so much time and energy writing this blog over the years. Then again, maybe this blog is my life's purpose. How sad would that be?

65. Do you believe in karma?
I believe that most evil people get away with the shit they do and never pay the price for it like they deserve. I believe most good people receive few if any reward for not doing evil and simply go through life telling themselves that karma will get those evil people one day, because it would so totally suck if it didn't. But it usually doesn't. Just ask the people who lived and died under Joseph Stalin. Karma didn't do anything to his ugly evil ass.

No Pun Intended

2011-11-04T00:24:00.002-05:00

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...And pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." (NOW IS THAT GREAT, OR WHAT?)

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

* From an email sent to me by Ute

The Questions Galore Meme - part 2

2011-11-01T00:20:00.000-05:00

More stealing from Catch Her in the Wry, who stole it from Sunday Stealing:

21. What was the last song you listened to that wasn’t sung in English?
Oye como va

22. One of our SS players generally leaves a critical comment on our memes. Which is fine. All's fair. Do you let meme authors know when you hate their memes?
Um, you have Nazis doing your memes? I would never have guessed that. Now I'm not sure if I should do this anymore.

23. What TV show would you like to be on?
Modern Family, I guess, just because it's really funny and there are a lot of hot females. I'd like to play the obnoxious neighbor who speeds through the neighborhood in a Camaro and drives Claire insane.

24. What was the last video game you played?
Sometimes I think the battles I have with my computer is some sick video game created by Microsoft and they're tracking how much the frustration makes me curse. They probably get bonus points for every time that I shout "fuck this piece of shit computer!"

25. Have you ever been in a musical? If yes, do tell.
No one would ever be dumb enough to allow me to take part in a musical. One day, if I'm really mad at you, I'll sing for you and make you cry and beg me to stop.

26. Do you follow your own style or everyone else’s?
Is there anything about my blog that makes you think I have any sort of style? Seriously? If I had my own line of fashionable clothing the label would be "Loser" and all my models would be the guys from "Big Bang Theory."

27. What’s the last store you bought from?
Probably Amazon.com or Target. I'm a DVD maniac. While everyone else is subscribing to Netflix, watching movies and sending them back, I'm stockpiling them. One day after Netflix goes bankrupt you'll all have to come crawling to me for copies of your favorite movies and TV shows. BWA HA HA!!!

28. In retrospect, have you ever let a person use you a lot?
Pretty much, yeah. But I'm trying to put a stop to all that. Except the people who pay me for it. But they seriously need to pay me a lot more.

29. What are you doing two days from now?
Probably sitting in my office frantically trying to figure out a problem with a project before someone else interrupts me with some new crisis.

30. Did you ever believe there were monsters in your closet?
No, they were in the next room snoring and if I made any sound that woke them up I'd get a beating.

31. When you graduated high school, did you let random people sign your yearbook or just close friends?
Close friends and people that I thought were way cooler than me. I got the popular girls who I thought were hot to sign if they were willing to do it. Some wouldn't, which sort of refers back to that question about my style and my personal line of clothing with the "Loser" label.

32. Would you consider adopting a child that had a mental illness?
I don't want any of those kids from the Occupy Wall Street mobs in my house, if that's what you mean.

33. Does thinking about death scare you?
Not death so much as the possibility that I'll screw it up and end up still alive, but terribly disabled or disfigured.

34. If you died, do you believe that you go to Heaven or Hell and where would your spirit go?
Well, based on the way your question is worded, I believe I would go into the ground and my spirit would go to Heaven where there is no such thing as Microsoft or the hourglass or computer viruses.

35. Who did you last write a snail mail letter to and why?
Probably someone on my Christmas card list and the note probably said "Merry Christmas, you fuckers."

36. Do you care what people say or think about you?
Apparently not nearly enough. Reputation, reputation, reputation, I have lost my reputation, but I can always look it up again using Google.

37. Have you ever been threatened?
There have been all sorts of women in my life. Of course I've been threatened.

38. Which side of your family do you get most of your qualities from?
The side no one ever talks about.

39. What was the last thing with alcohol that you drank?
Jagermeister, straight up, in a Hello Kitty shotglass. I was sick and it seemed to help. Cut me some slack.

40. Have you ever kept a relationship a secret?
Oh listen, bloggers don't have secrets. We run out of material and then spew all our secrets out of desperation for something to write about. Then we're all insulted when no one really gives a rats ass about our big bad secrets.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T01:06:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween!

Thursday Things I Think About

2011-10-27T23:42:00.001-05:00

1) You can't make someone write a book about their life, no matter how interesting it may be. All you can do is write your own book. Mine would be really boring and have a lot of grammatical errors.

2) You can't make someone interested in modeling no matter how pretty their face. And it's usually creepy to mention it to them anyway, unless you have a camera in your hand and a better-looking model with you at the time. It's funny how girls don't mind being asked to model if you've already got a model with you, but otherwise they look at you like you're a serial rapist or something. And just for the record, I am not a serial rapist. I just can't give that kind of commitment right now.

3) Each time my heart is broken it goes back together differently. And each time I have to put my heart back together again, there are more cracks, more leaks, where the love just slips right through and I feel less and less like I can survive going through it all again.

4) It is possible to love yourself so much that you have no room left in your heart to love anyone else. It is possible, but it is not good.

5) Sometimes I still talk to Spiky.

6) If death is not the end, what is?

7) It has been a hard revelation, but I have come to realize that I simply do not understand the current generation that is in their 20s. They seem to make and break relationships at the drop of a hat, seemingly at random, placing no value whatever on friends. Facebook is real life to them. Drop or Block means you are gone and if I see you on the street I will not say 'hello' to you. And they see nothing wrong with this. It is as casual as I would say "see you later" to a friend of mine as I was leaving their house. The only difference is, I would expect to see my friend again. This generation, they really don't seem to care about that. Show up, don't show up, love me today and leave me tomorrow, disappear forever - it's all the same. I don't know how anyone can live like that. I don't want to.

8) I have never hurt as much as I have lately. And the hurt just keeps on coming.

9) My concept of God has become all turned around. In church they talk like God is right here standing next to you, taking care of you. Then they show you in the Bible where it says he's gone away and we are on our own, living in a world of suffering and death. Then they tell you to follow the example set by Jesus. Then they pray to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, but Jesus only ever prayed to God the Father, not himself or any spirit. They pray for things like healing and help, yet I can't think of one example where Jesus asked God for help and then waited to see if help came. He just said "I wish you wouldn't make me go through this" and then he went through it, pain and suffering and all. God didn't save him and he didn't seem to expect God to. Why do we pray? Does God really do anything or is it just like sending him an email which he never responds to? I don't know anymore.

10) Sometimes I still talk to Steph.

The Making of the 2010 Pirelli Calendar by Terry Richardson from Rafael Rubira fashion4fun.com.br sent to me by Unique Stephen

* Please don't ask me for their contact information. I can't give it out.

The Questions Galore Meme - part 1

2011-10-25T10:45:00.000-05:00

In case you weren't aware, I am almost totally lacking in inspiration for blogging lately. The suckage level of my life has reached a new high, but my desire to talk about it has reached a new low. So I stole this meme instead.

From Catch Her In The Wry who got it from Sunday Stealing:

1. Is there someone in your life you know you’d be better off without?
I'm not sure. I tried to get rid of most of those people. There are still one or two I haven't finished reevaluating yet.

2. Do you get criticized because of your body?
Not out loud, but you know how college girls are. You can see their thoughts in their faces as their mouths are silently forming the word "ewwww."

3. Did you kiss the last person you called?
I can't even recall the last time I made a telephone call. I mostly just text these days. Or email.

4. When was the last time you danced?
No one considers the movements I make to music to actually be dancing. I think they call it "are you alright?"

5. Do you keep in mind other people’s feelings?
Usually, unless they are extraordinarily stupid, in which case I simply try to avoid them altogether and to hell with their feelings.

6. If you have a hang nail, do you pull it or clip it?
I get a hammer, pound it into the wall, and hang a picture from it. That's what 'hang' nails are for, silly.

7. Who do you want to forget?
Myself for a little while. Maybe a long while.

8. Who was the last person to send you a letter?
The Wall Street Journal begging me not to let my subscription expire and also to please send them a ridiculous amount of money. This is a game we play every year where they try to rob me blind and I let my subscription expire before they finally give me a decent price.

9. Who did you last tell to shut up?
Probably someone on the television who couldn't hear me.

10. What’s the last thing that you smelt that smelt bad?
I'm not a smelter myself, but my father used to smelt lead into bullets. My sense of smell is virtually nonexistent. Some say this is why my life is so sad. But earlier today I was dragged into a Yankee Candle store and I believe my lack of strong smelling abilities probably saved my life in there.

11. What’s your favorite cereal?
Lucky Charms, which I haven't eaten in forever.

12. How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you?
You mean how do I feel right now? Hopeless. Angry. Betrayed.

13. Could you live without sunlight?
I don't know, Memphis is pretty damned dark and I've been here far longer than I ever expected to be. Apparently hell is a dark place and I've survived it so far.

14. What’s something you know is bad, but you want to do it anyway?
What isn't? Anything worth doing is usually bad.

15. What was the last thing you lied about?
Is smiling when you actually feel like dying a lie? I suppose I lied about feeling OK when I really don't.

16. Do you regret anything you’ve done in the past week?
Nothing has come my way in the past week worth regretting, so no.

17. What was the last movie you bought?
I bought the PBS special "Prohibition". You might argue that it isn't a movie, but I would then lie and say it is and tell you to "shut up." Then I would have to go back and redo parts of this meme and include you.

18. What is a sport you would like to do?
I've recently had people encouraging me to do a triathlon or two and I'm thinking it over.

19. When was the last time you felt like crying?
Today. Tonight. Tomorrow.

20. Have you ever wanted to kill someone (not that you actually do it)?
Yeah, just haven't done it yet.

Memphis Fairy Tales : Goldilocks and the Three Bears

2011-10-22T02:30:00.003-05:00

The Three Bears

Once upon a time there were three bears - Papa Bear, Mama Bear and wee little Baby Bear.

All three of the Bears were great big and fat, as they lived in America and ate way too much fried food while watching reality shows on TV all day long.

The Bears never exercised and only ever left their house to go to work or WalMart for food or cheap crap from China that they really didn't need, but weren't going to be able to use for very long anyway, because cheap Chinese crap always breaks before too long.

One day, while Mama Bear was heating up a pot pie in the microwave, Papa Bear was watching men dressed in pink tutus play professional football on television, and Baby Bear was glued to his computer playing a computer game, in walked a little blonde girl named Goldilocks.

Goldilocks
Goldilocks was from Bavaria and didn't eat fried food much at all. She rarely watched television, which was just as well because Bavaria doesn't have very many stupid reality shows on their channels anyway. And she had to walk uphill everywhere she went, which kept her slim and pretty and in great physical shape.

But one thing Goldilocks and the rest of the people from Bavaria did a lot of was to drink beer. She drank big old glass mugs filled with beer. And not the cheap, watery American beer that Papa Bear drank, either. She drank good old Bavarian Oktoberfest-style beer, loaded with alcohol, hops and barley, and good for whatever ails ya.

On this fine day, Goldilocks had drank a whole lot of beer before going for a 10 mile walk just for the fun of it. She was a little tipsy and a lot lost.

"Hallo, wo zur Hölle bin ich?" Goldilocks said aloud in a thick Bavarian accent as she stood just inside the Bears house, which means, "Hello, where the hell am I?". But none of the Bears could hear her, because the microwave was humming, the TV was blaring the sounds of football, and the computer speakers blasting laser sound effects and big soundcard enhanced explosions.

So she walked into the living room where Papa Bear and Baby Bear both were and said it again, "wo zur Hölle bin ich?" Still, no one answered because they did not hear her.

Goldilocks was very hungry, having walked far more than 10 miles because she got lost in the woods. So, being a little drunk, and very Germanic, she decided to just go ahead and make herself something to eat. The Bears didn't seem to mind her being in their house, and they sure were very rude, so why not?

Goldilocks walked into the kitchen just as Mama Bear took her freshly microwaved pot pie and walked out the other door at the opposite end. She began searching the refrigerator until she found a box containing some Kentucky Fried Chicken left over from the Bears supper the night before.

"Mmm, huhn schmeckt gut!" she said, which means, "mmm, chicken will taste good!" And she popped the whole box into the microwave and began heating it up.

Food!

Ding! In a few short minutes the chicken was warm and ready to eat, so Goldilocks sat down at the kitchen table and ate it all, stopping only long enough to go the refrigerator and pour herself a glass of milk to go with it.

After eating all the chicken, Goldilocks decided to go into the den where the Bear family was to ask if they might tell her where she was and how to find her way home again.

Where am I?
"Wollen sie bitte sagen Sie mir, wo ich bin?" she said as she walked into the room and stood beside the couch where Papa Bear and Mama Bear were both sitting and staring like zombies at the Pepsi commercial on the TV. The commercial was very loud, and Papa Bear had just paid Best Buy to install a new home theater sound system that could vibrate a Bear right off the couch with the deep digitally-enhanced sound the speakers produced. Papa Bear didn't hear her. Neither did Mama Bear. And Baby Bear had put on his headphones because Mama Bear complained that his computer game was too loud and distracting her from the TV. So he didn't hear Goldilocks either.

Tired and frustrated, and a little bit drunk, Goldilocks sat down in a chair next to the couch. The chair was a cheap Chinese knock-off of an antique Victorian chair and had almost no padding at all.

This chair is too hard!
"Guter Herr, dieser Stuhl ist zu hart!" Goldilocks exclaimed.

So she moved to another chair. But she fell into it like a fat man sitting on a giant marshmallow, sinking in until her feet came up off the floor.

Mein Gott, dieser Stuhl ist zu weich! she said, and stood up again with great effort.

She went and sat in the chair in front of the computer, where Baby Bear had been sitting before he had to get up and go use the bathroom. He had been drinking Cokes all morning long while playing his game and was nearly bursting before he reluctantly left his seat.

This chair is just right
"Schließlich, ein Stuhl, ist bequem." Goldilocks said, relieved.

But just as she was getting comfortable, Baby Bear returned and without even looking at her, nearly sat on top of her before unpausing his game and returning to mindless play. Goldilocks had to jump out of his way to avoid being squashed under the fat little bear.

"Sie bären sind sehr unhöflich!" Goldilocks exclaimed angrily. But Baby Bear had returned his headphones to his head, and Mama and Papa Bear were too caught up in the surround sound enhanced noises of the pink football game to hear her.

Exhausted now, Goldilocks decided to go find a place to lie down. Clearly she wasn't going to be getting home anytime soon if she had to rely on the help of the Bears. So she might as well get some sleep.

Goldilocks went upstairs to sleep
She walked upstairs and found 1 large open room with 3 beds. She thought to herself that it was no surprise The Bears only had 1 child with sleeping arrangements like these.

She threw herself down on the first bed she came to, which was Papa Bear's bed. It was the hardest, most uncomfortable bed she had ever been on.

Ouch, that bed is too hard and it hurts!
"Autsch, ist das bett hart wie ein stein!" Goldilocks shouted, finding the bed so hard that she wondered if she might have injured herself.

Next she tried Mama Bear's bed, a big pink fluffy mountain of decorative pillows, comforters, afghans, and stuffed dolls. She sank into it like Jello, with all the decorative pillows and stuffed dolls falling in on top of her.

This bed is ridiculous. I feel like I'm stuffed inside a burrito!
"Das bett ist lächerlich. Ich fühle mich wie ich in ein burrito gefüllt bin," Goldilocks exclaimed.

With great effort, Goldilocks managed to climb out of the sunken mass of feminine decoration and fluff. In frustration she threw decorative pillows across the room. Then she walked to the last bed, Baby Bear's bed. It was shaped like a racecar and had Speedracer sheets.

She plopped down on the bed and fell right onto a plastic racecar, which jabbed her in the abdomen and made her curse with pain, "gibt verdammt, es ein normales Bett im Plenum dumm?!"

She threw the racecar across the room, hitting the wall and breaking it. Then she got up and began looking around the room. That's when she noticed the old fashioned telephone sitting on the table between Papa Bear and Mama Bear's beds.

A telephone!
"A telefon, Gott sei dank!" she exclaimed as she ran over to the telephone, picked it up and dialed home.

10 minutes later, Goldilocks' father pulled up outside the house. His caller ID had given him the telephone number Goldilocks was calling from, and Googling the number gave him the address. Goldilocks was SO happy to see him.

Dad is here!
Seeing her father's car, Goldilocks ran downstairs and straight out the front door, slamming it behind her.

Don't slam the door!
"Don't slam the door!" Papa Bear grumbled without looking away from the TV.

Who are you talking to?
"Who are you talking to, dear?" Mama Bear asked, seeing Baby Bear still sitting at the computer playing his game.

"Hmm?" Papa Bear asked.

But Mama Bear didn't hear him. She was distracted by a commercial for a new diet Dr. Pepper drink.

Goldilocks jumped happily into her father's car, shut the door, and away for home they went.

Goldilocks goes home
"Diese Amerikaner sind extrem behaarten und fett," she said, smiling at her father who was very relieved to have found her. He just laughed.

And they lived happily ever after.

Rainy Tuesday

2011-10-18T21:12:00.013-05:00

I just watched the Republican presidential debates in Nevada. All I really have to say about tonight's debates is this:

Rick Santorum seems like he's flailing, panicking. He's barely in this race and he's fighting for his life. It shows.

Ron Paul hasn't changed a bit. His message appeals to the same people that it appealed to from the beginning, but it just isn't enough. He's overly simplistic on complex issues and explains very little. Whether you like him or dislike him, agree or disagree, he's not going to make it.

Herman Cain is stronger now than he ever was. When this all started he seemed like a side show to me, but he has grown stronger and more convincing over time. He's likable and believable. He's for real.

Mitt Romney has also grown stronger. He's soothing the concerns of many who disliked or distrusted him at first, and successfully stiff-armed Rick Perry's efforts to tackle him. Rick Santorum is the only other candidate consistently taking shots directly at Romney, but they have been largely ineffective and easy for Romney to brush off without missing a beat.

Rick Perry is still one of the main candidates, clearly, but he's so busy swinging at Romney that he hasn't done as good a job as he needs to make a case for himself and why he should be our next president.

Newt Gingrich, when he gets to speak at all, seems a lot more reasonable and level-headed, especially in contrast to the three-way brawl between Mitt and The Ricks. But he hasn't sparked any excitement for his campaign beyond that which existed when he started. He sounds like a better candidate now than before, but I'll be surprised if he's able to hang in this battle through to November.

Michelle Bachmann didn't do nearly as well tonight as she did last time I heard her. She has apparently been coached to always spend half her time stating what her plan is and why she would make the best president rather than fully answering whatever question was posed to her. I think that's a mistake because it irritates people when a direct question is asked of her and she repeatedly fails to answer it fully. Even worse, she's taken to directing her answers only to women. That alienates all the male voters, me included, and guarantees that she won't win.

Huntsman failed to participate in this debate at all and as far as I'm concerned that's just as well. He's simply not a contender. Hell, he's not even a conservative.

Remember the Delorean, the stainless steel tank from the movie Back to the Future? Well, it's back. Sort of. The company is bringing the car back, but this time as an electric car. They say their electric Delorean makes 260 hp and will reach a maximum speed of 125 mph. Why anyone would want to take a giant stainless steel car and make it all-electric is a mystery to me. One of the biggest drawbacks to the Delorean was also one of its selling points - it is made entirely of stainless steel, which weighs a freakin' ton. My 1971 Monte Carlo was rated at about 260 hp when new. I can personally attest to the fact that it will do 125 mph. But it isn't made of stainless steel and it isn't powered by batteries. I'd be curious to learn more about this electric motor and whether or not it is really all electric or perhaps a combination of gas and electric powered. I think 260 hp is too little power for a car as big and heavy as this, and at a projected cost of $100,000 per car, I don't think there is a market for it.

Wall Street's protesters are still at it, mostly because there aren't any jobs available to distract them with responsibilities. They are now complaining that the New York cops are guilty of using brutality against them. I'm not sure where they've been for the past many years, but over in New Jersey, 2 cops handcuffed a man who wasn't committing any crimes and wasn't being arrested, then while one officer held him against a glass window by his throat, the other officer, a female, punched him in the testicles. THAT is police brutality and THAT has been going on for a very long time without any of those assholes currently shitting on police cars in New York City saying one word of protest against it. So yes, the New York City police are almost certainly using some very dirty and vicious tactics against the protesters. If you think that's wrong, protest it everywhere you see it, not just while you are rioting on Wall Street for a cause you don't even understand.

By the way, I pulled many of the hyperlinks for the stories I wrote about from Yahoo, and Yahoo seems to be totally fucked up today so if the links don't work, I apologize.

WTF Grandpa??

Here's how it's done ...

Monday Morning Revelations - GOP Piles On Tea Party

2011-10-17T15:05:00.000-05:00

Demo and Repub party leaders - they all look alike to me
Apparently there was a bit of a political earthquake last Friday when Republican Party 'leaders' got together with New York Times Magazine reporters and openly shit on their own voters, better known as "The Tea Party".

You may recall a few months ago when Michelle Bachmann soundly trounced all her competition in a straw poll following the Republican debates, I wrote that she would be a much better president than the Party Leader 'blessed' candidate, Mitt Romney, solely because Mitt appears to have sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the Party Leaders blessing and money. I also commented that I felt certain those Nazi cunts would do everything in their power to sabotage her or anyone who didn't sign a blood oath to hand over their soul.

According to the article, Republican Party Leaders feel that the entrance of Rick Perry of Texas has done that job quite effectively, shifting Bachmann's supporters to him and away from her, as they desired. They also feel that even if Perry were to beat Their Golden Boy, Romney, he would still be better than anyone from the Tea Party because he is nothing more than a cynical politician who will gladly betray his constituents in order to please his Republican Overlords who have lived in the Washington DC Bubble for almost their entire lives. In other words, they feel that either Romney or Perry will do simply because both men are treacherous political fucks who won't have a problem making empty promises to the voters, only to turn around and break every single one of those promises as soon as they get into office, if asked to do so by the Party Leaders. Sound familiar?

Senator Palpatine
This is beginning to sound more and more like something out of Star Wars, with an Evil Senator secretly being The Dark Lord and using his position to gain absolute power, betray all his closest allies, and generally screw everyone.

Christie
This is also why they tried so hard to convince New Jersey liberal Chris Christie to enter the race, because they felt that he would further dilute the choices and help them eliminate current Tea Party candidate and front-runner, Herman Cain.

In previous blog posts I commented on conservative voters sending a very clear message to the Republican Party Leaders in the disastrous-for-Republicans elections of both 2006 and 2008 stating that they were sick and tired of being bent over and fucked up the ass in a shameless betrayal every time Republicans gained control with conservative citizen support, and so the conservative citizens were no longer willing to vote for their phony candidates. This and this alone handed the entire US Congress and the White House to the Democratic Party, enabling the new communist party known as the Democrats to totally crash the economy into the ditch. Considering the reputation of Republican leaders as being rich corporate lawyers who make their fortunes from business and the stock market, you might think, if that stereotype is true, that the resulting plunge in the value of their own investments following this citizen uprising might have gotten their attention and made them 'come to Jesus' about their constant treachery.

You might think that, but you'd be wrong.

Instead, these Republican Party Leaders, true to form for a personality disorder, have thrown a gigantic temper tantrum, even meeting openly with Democratic Party Leaders in order to plot together how to stamp out the citizen uprising like a bunch of British redcoats trying to slaughter the unruly Colonist Rebels. It seems that they prefer being perpetually subordinate to the Democratic Party and always in the minority due to lack of voter support. They prefer being the submissive party in Washington over listening to The People and actually doing what the voters they are supposed to represent have clearly stated that they want. A lifetime in a bubble will do that to a person, apparently, and these fucks have been eating caviar and playing golf with rich Democrats in that bubble for a very long time, all while tapping their feet in mens room stalls and engaging in homosexual intercourse with young boys in private.

It's time to burst that bubble and drag all these assholes kicking and screaming out of Washington, returning them forcibly to their private estates and plantations where they can retire from public life and stay the hell out of our business. I don't know that this is ever going to happen unless we fight really fucking hard, mind you, but if it doesn't happen then you can kiss this country goodbye. Take a hard look at Europe's troubles, with the most out-of-touch leaders in the world, as a clear indication of the future that awaits America, if we don't kick these arrogant elitist shits out of Washington. And if Europe is beyond your understanding, take a look at the Dallas Cowboys with their perpetually interfering and micromanaging team owner, Jerry Jones, and you'll see a fine example of what is wrong in Washington. Dallas hasn't won anything of note since coach Jimmy Johnson quit in the mid 1990s after growing sick of dealing with megalomaniac Jones and his gigantic ego.

Really, Really Random Thoughts

2011-10-13T23:57:00.016-05:00

Just Wrong

1) Couldn't God conceivably just cancel the Earth and everything on it, like some bad TV show that people have quit watching? Don't you think He's got some other planet somewhere he's been messing with and finds more interesting? What if Earth is the MySpace of God's world and somewhere He's got a planet Facebook? And more recently, a planet Google+ which He doesn't fully understand yet, but has been messing around with just to see if it's any good?

What if God prefers Google Earth?

2) If I had known how dull and pointless my life was going to be, I probably would have gotten into a lot more trouble when I was younger.

Trouble

3) I'm struggling to give a flying fart about football this season. Men in pink don't exactly inspire me. And when players knee other players in the testicles and aren't even ejected from the game, let alone kicked out of the league entirely, I just lose all respect for the sport. Hell, I might as well be watching soccer with all the unmanly gayness.

Unmanly gayness

4) I have clearly been away from heavy weightlifting for too long. Oh, I know I've been sick, but even so, I went out into the garage to see how many chin-ups I could still do and I almost did one. Yeah, WTF?

Chin up Fail

5) Five seconds ago, Michelle Bachmann was the candidate to beat and all set to unseat Mitt Romney as the GOP presidential candidate. I turn my head for a moment and suddenly it's this guy, Cain, the pizza CEO. What happened?

What happened??

6) I was just over visiting an Aussie blog when I noticed she had done one of those "100 Things About Me" posts. I did one several years ago and began thinking about doing another one. I thought for about 30 seconds and realized there aren't 100 things about me worth talking about, let alone writing down and asking others to slog through. So, of course, I started trying to write it anyway, got way off course, and ended up writing this instead.

7) I was flipping channels earlier when I saw Jay Leno doing jokes about Obama having no hope of getting reelected and Mitt Romney already measuring the White House for new drapes. I was surprised. I thought all of LA was so politically correct that the very thought of Obama not being reelected was taboo to even mention. And then he did some fairly pro Chick-Fil-A bits. The gay power crowd absolutely hates Chick-Fil-A. Once again, I thought no one in LA would dare cross the PC Priestesses like that. What's happened to Jay Leno? Has he started to think twice about the Hollywood mindset or is he just wealthy enough now that he doesn't give a damn?

Leno got money

8) Speaking of President Obama, a lot of Americans are noticing that since the passage of Obamacare into law, without anyone reading it first, suddenly all these government agencies are trying to tell us that we don't need any testing for cancers and vitamins are bad and basically everything that modern societies do to maintain their health should not be done anymore. We should all let our health go and die as soon as possible. Because apparently Obamacare is so damned expensive that unless we implement a "Logan's Run" policy of killing everyone after age 30, we are going to go totally bankrupt in a New York minute. I can't tell you how inspiring it is to have our own government using our tax dollars to encourage us to kill ourselves. I always knew the Hard Left was very pro-death and pro-destruction, but this is ridiculous.

Obamacare

9) All of a sudden, it seems as if everyone is pregnant. All around me, women I know are pregnant. And when I turn on the TV, all the women on TV are pregnant, too. Emily Deschanel, of the show "Bones", is pregnant this season. Christina Applegate had a baby unexpectedly last year, made a TV series about it, and now has a hit show about trying to work and take care of her new baby at the same time. Jennifer Aniston, the woman who promised to have kids with Brad Pitt, then reneged, and ended up divorced because of it, is now said to be pregnant. Someone put nude photos of a very pregnant Jessica Alba out on the internet just last month. And I look pregnant after missing 3 weeks of gym time. What's up with that?

Alba

10) The guy who hacked Scarlett Johansson's cell phone and released 2 nude photos of her has finally been caught. He says he's relieved because he couldn't stop himself once he started. The FBI says he's a criminal and may be sentenced to as much as 121 years once all the criminal counts against him are put together. That's 121 years longer than Mary Winkler served for murdering her husband in cold blood, by the way. The FBI said he's bad. Everyone else says he's a hero. We've wanted to see Scarlett's boobies for a long, long time.

Blessed Scarlett Johansson

Monday

2011-10-11T00:00:00.008-05:00

It's still Monday here, although technically it's around midnight so I'm pushing it.

I don't know what to say at this point. The blog is either in a dramatic decline, or else the whole world is on vacation. My last post generated a grand total of 0 comments and I can't say I feel terribly motivated to put hours into another post after that. I guess all I really want to know is, is anyone still reading or can I retire this bitch and go to bed?

Hey, Steve Jobs died. I can't say it was totally unexpected, but it was much sooner than I expected. He only just stepped down from Apple due to his health. I thought he had a lot longer than he did. Where are all the cool Apple toys going to come from now?

The kids running around naked on Wall Street and calling it a protest have finally made their way to Washington DC. Thank God! I thought they'd never get there. If you're going to go apeshit and bring a city to a stand still, the best city to bring to a dead stop is DC. Honestly, the less that gets done in DC, the better.

This past weekend I went to hear my neighbors' band play. The following is basically my entire thought process from throughout the night:

"I'm exhausted. I don't know if I'm going to make it. Well, once I get there, I know I'll have fun. I just have to get to the bar and sit my tired butt down. Ah, $5 cover charge. Lovely. Good thing I still have some cash on me because normally I have none. Where is everyone? Ah, there they are. It feels so good to sit down. I wish these chairs were La-Z-Boys so I could prop my feet up. Hey, that's a new song. I haven't heard them play that before. Is that a new guitar? I haven't seen him play a Telecaster before. Where's the Strat? Gloss black with nice humbuckers. That's some money, right there. Is that a new bass, too? I honestly can't remember what bass he used to have if that is new. It seems new to me, though. Holy crap, are the drums new, too? Is anyone playing the same instrument? How long has it been since I last saw them play?! Well, that's the same Gibson. That's one hell of a guitar. Hey, transmitter! No more guitar cord. That's cool! Where is my beer? I really need something to drink, even if it's just water, hurry the hell up, please. Ah, finally. I really don't think she wants to dance, but I'll ask. You can't imagine how tired we both are. You've been sick? So have I. Man, whatever is going around has been kicking my ass. You don't look sick. You look great, like always. When I'm sick, boy can you tell it. I look like hell. Then again, look at me and then look at you. I feel like I'm doing a scene from "Superbad" here when the fat guy tried to ask out the redhead girl, Jules. Wow, there is a lot fewer people in here than there used to be. If you want to check the state of the economy, just take a look around the bars. People can't even afford to go out for a beer anymore."

Look at you. Then look at me.

So I was sick Sunday and into Monday. I still made it into work, but I only worked half a day because of it. I really don't know what this is, but it's killing me.

I went to a bookstore this weekend and somehow managed to walk out with $140 worth of magazines and a board game. Anyone besides me remember the game Stratego? Well anyway, I bought it. That was about $40 of my $140 bill, but even so, that's a buttload of magazines and a book or two. Mostly I bought guitar magazines and a few about writing, although I'm not sure why. Somehow I walked in expecting to be there for about 5 minutes and ended up spending 2 hours looking around and spending way too much money, apparently.

What else? Oh, the Denver Broncos benched quarterback Kyle Orton and put in Tim Tebow. I didn't see the game, but last time I checked out Kyle Orton he was a great QB. I wonder what happened?

Anyway, that's it. I'm going to bed.

Bustice - E3 2012 - Comedy

More News and Commentary

2011-10-06T17:08:00.001-05:00

I go to WalMart Hospital

Study: Worst hospitals treat larger share of poor

Yes, this is how it works. This is why you don't want to be poor. When you're poor, you get the worst medical care because you don't pay anything for it. You get the worst drug dealers because you can't afford the buy good drugs. You get the worst restaurants and businesses in your neighborhood because you can't afford to buy good stuff and also they keep getting robbed. This is why you want to be rich, so you can afford better things. Otherwise, why would anyone strive to better themselves? Why make the effort if you live just as well as the rich without doing a thing?

Whoops!

Mass. official who performed bra trick resigns

A school board office who does magic tricks at the start of ever meeting was forced to resign after raving feminists flew into a religious hissy fit over a trick he did that created the illusion that he had removed the bra of a female board member. No one was fooled by the trick, but you know how it is with dogmatic radicals, they have absolutely no sense of humor at all. And Massachusetts is just about the worst state in the US for this kind of religious feminist hysteria.

Are you ready for some socialism?!

Williams apologizes for Hitler-Obama analogy

ESPN has yanked Hank Williams Jr's "Monday Night Football" song after he compared Obama to Hitler on another network. His comments had absolutely nothing to do with football, and a great many football fans agree with what he said or at least think it was funny, but ESPN is owned by the pedophiles of Disney, and they love Obama as if he were their very own momma. They don't practice tolerance on any level. They're like France in that regard, totally fascist. They fired Williams the next day.

Protesting the company that makes Mace

‘It’s a dream-sharing’: Can Occupy Wall Street spark a broad-based movement?

A broad based movement representing what exactly? None of the people running naked up and down Wall Street even understand what it is that they're protesting, let alone what the actual problems are. Unless just randomly protesting anything and everything that those specific individuals don't understand qualifies as a 'movement' this is nothing more than a shameless stunt where a bunch of narcissists draw attention to themselves and pretend it has some meaning. It's like when Sean Penn went to New Orleans and helped absolutely not one single person while floating around in an boat with a camera crew.

Harry Reid supporting the Obama 'jobs' bill

Reid: ‘Even the tea party’ supports 5 percent tax increase on millionaires

The problem here is that Senator Reid thinks the "Tea Party" is a bunch of billionaire's wives who meet at a country club in Washington DC and discuss ways to help Harry Reid get re-elected. He has no idea what the fuck he's talking about, as usual.

Harry Reid opposing the Obama 'jobs' bill

Reid Blocks Obama Jobs Bill Vote

And then he goes and does this. The very bill Harry Reid claims the Tea Party supports, the bill earlier today he said Republicans oppose because they want people to suffer and be poor, he himself killed. This is a man suffering from schizophrenia.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-05T23:43:00.001-05:00

Monday Morons

2011-10-03T13:12:00.008-05:00

That your followers not have a clue?
As I write this, thousands of left-wing kids, mostly in their 20s and mostly still depending on their parents for food and a place to live, are having a giant party in New York City disguised as some sort of '60s era communist hippy protest.

Hippies converge on Wall Street
They aren't entirely sure what they're protesting. They say they're protesting Wall Street greed, but the things they are complaining about, especially the state of our economy at this precise moment, is the fault of massive greed and corruption in Washington, DC, which was then shoved and cajoled onto Wall Street by the Federal Government. Anyone who has been paying attention knows this.

All the cool kids are doing it
But if you just graduated from college with a liberal arts degree, all you know is what your Marxist polyamorous anti-Christ professors told you, and every bit of that was bullshit.

True believers
The real story of this protest is where it came from in the first place. Billionaires with a team of programmers spammed Twitter in order to create this fake 'spontaneous' event. They monitored tweets to identify left-wing users of Twitter, then spammed the shit out of them and anyone else who would listen, to go to New York for a party. Not surprisingly, they recruited plenty of Hollywood's least intellectual members to help.

Not the brightest light on the politically correct 'holiday' tree
Wall Street went off course when the Department of Justice, the Clinton White House and the US Congress directed them to. They were threatened with arrest and prosecution if they didn't, and then assured that the free houses they were forced at gunpoint to give to Democrat voters on welfare would all be covered by the Federal Government.

A true fat cat who has profited well from capitalism
When the bills came due and the economy began to collapse under the hefty weight of the largest ever theft in American history, the very criminals in Washington DC who orchestrated this theft, including Barney Frank and former Senator Barack Obama, immediately began indicting bankers, making speeches and blaming "corporate greed" when in reality it was their own greed that created the nightmare Americans are currently experiencing.

Ask your president why you don't have a job
Worse still, even as our economy burns, Barney Frank and the now Obama White House and DOJ are simultaneously indicting the bankers for the loans, AND ordering them to issue MORE of them.

Barney Frank continues to profit from the scam
And I guarantee you, not one single protester on Wall Street today has any idea that this went on and is still going on.

We don't have a clue
Because they are fucking morons.

No, it's your stupidity, stupid
The Muslim terrorists attacked Wall Street first because they considered it the most important target. They believed that by destroying the World Trade Center they could do fatal harm to the economy of the entire Western World. Many experts believe they weren't entirely wrong. Following this attack, billionaire communist George Soros began working to profit from an American decline. He has thus far succeeded in making himself much richer as the economy slides into depression. He himself chose Barack Obama to be the Democratic candidate for President in 2008 and largely financed his campaign, as well as the attacks on opponent Hillary Clinton. The current wave of attacks on Wall Street weren't orchestrated by Muslim terrorists, but Marxist idiots. The end result is similar, though. The Hard Left has always attacked those who criticise the Muslim terrorists, even going so far as to accuse former Vice President Dick Cheney of being a terrorist himself for encouraging former President Bush to go after the terrorists. The Marxist Hard Left has never stood against the Muslim terrorists and instead tried to spread the rumor that Bush himself was behind the attacks, while simultaneously arguing that if the Muslims really did attack America, it was America's fault. We "asked for it" they said.

Now the terrorists are the Hard Leftists themselves. They don't have the guts to crash planes into anything yet and so far haven't been able to sucker any gullible political science majors into doing it for them. So for now, they just sucker the faithful into going to major financial centers, like Wall Street, and fighting with the police.

There is always a profit to be made from chaos for those who anticipate it. You can bet that the billionaires behind these protests are raking in as much cash as they can while their gullible believers are busy taking mace to the face and kicks to the groin from New York's rather violent police department in the name of Allah, er, Marx.

Who's your daddy?

Friday Brain Farts

2011-09-30T11:19:00.004-05:00

Last night I was wasting my mental energies on Twitter instead of writing a novel or practicing guitar (it was 2 feet from me) or working on trying to create a worthwhile blog post. At the same time, I was watching one of my all-time favorite TV shows, "30 Rock." It was a rerun, I believe, where Cerie is talking to Liz Lemon about having babies. Cerie says she's already been thinking up names. If it's a girl she's going to name her child Hat, or Bookcase.

So, Cerie is played by actress Katrina Bowden, whom I follow on Twitter. While I was watching, some guy tweeted to her that her kids would be named Hat Bowden or Bookcase Bowden. So, because I follow her I saw this. I responded, both to him and Katrina Bowden, that I didn't think Cerie's kids would have Katrina Bowden's last name since technically they are not her kids. I said that they'd have Cerie's last name, whatever that is.

And then I forgot about the whole thing.

The following day, while I was eating breakfast, my cell phone buzzed. Someone had responded to me on Twitter. I looked at the message.

KatrinaBowden @nudememphis xerox

Katrina Bowden had tweeted me! How totally unexpected. So I, being half asleep and confused, responded:

@KatrinaBowden Cerie's last name is Xerox?

Another shock, she responded again:

KatrinaBowden @nudemphis Yes!

I don't know what prompted her to respond to the odd conversation that I had been having with some other fan of hers, but the fact that she did started my whole day off on a high note. She must have a zillion followers, all constantly sending her obscene notes about how hot she is and crap like that. Whatever brought my tweets to her attention, I'm grateful for it. It's rare that a popular celebrity responds to any tweets, let alone a tweet that isn't specifically directed at them and merely copies them in. It's even more rare that they will respond not once, but twice.

I hope the rest of this week goes as well as that. I could use a few up days for a change. Usually my days go more like this:

I like the way this guy never takes his right hand off the passenger seat, even when he clearly needs it to save his ass from possible death. Hey, what's more important, looking cool or not dying? Clearly this guy has his priorities straight. Cool to the very end.

Random Mental Flatulence

2011-09-29T10:15:00.012-05:00

I know a girl who is stunningly beautiful in a magazine cover, perfect features sort of way. As usual, I had the urge to tell her that I strongly feel she should consider modeling. As an amateur photographer I have developed a real eye for the right 'look' and she has most definitely got 'it'.

Also as usual, I resisted the urge to tell her this because it just always sounds so creepy no matter how you say it. So I just think it to myself, but unless I'm asking the girl to model for me specifically, which I have not done in a long time, I keep it to myself.

Well, I am very glad that I did, because as it turns out, this girl is already a model and doing quite well. Boy, would I have been embarrassed if I had said "you should be a model" and she said, "well duh, I am already, you creepy fucker."

You should be a model

I hate trying to work with people who don't communicate well. And by that I mean, they don't listen to everything I've said before responding. I keep having conversations with this one person that go like this:

Me: I need to know what color your car is. What color is your car?

Him: I can't get my drawer open. Why won't this drawer open?

Me: I don't know, but if you want my help I need to know the color of your car. What color is your car?

Him: The sky sure was blue this morning. Did you see that? Do you think my drawer won't open because of the sky being blue?

Me: Doubtful, but if you'll just tell me what color your car is I might be able to do what you asked me to do. Otherwise, I can't help you at all.

Him: Why is coffee brown? It looks nasty.

And on and on it goes like this until I am ready to scream and just go home and go back to bed.

Lately I've been having a mysterious wrist pain. I'm fine when I go to bed, but when I wake up, my wrist hurts like hell. And the pain lasts all day long. Am I boxing in my sleep? WTF?

So apparently the spell check option isn't working today? What's up, Blogger?

Anyway, here's a lovely video of a little girl and a fluffy sheep:

No Doubt

2011-09-27T18:12:00.001-05:00

If you have any doubts as to whether I'm swamped in my professional life and slipping in my personal life, you need only look at the dates of my blog posts over the past several months to see that I am posting less frequently than ever before. I also missed the Toronto International Film Festival, which I had actually been thinking about flying up for. Toronto is a cool place, sort of like Hollywood, but without quite as much of the ego and crazy and just as much of the WoW factor.

Toronto International Film Festival
My workouts have become somewhat random, as I seem to be either sick or hurt about half the time. Yay me, I'm working myself right into the hospital at the rate I'm going. But I don't seem to be getting stronger or faster or gaining in endurance, so clearly I'm doing it wrong.

Fitness Fail
A friend of mine ran a race recently and I saw the photos from it on her Facebook page. She looked like a woman from Runner's World magazine, a professional fitness model. So I ran that same race and even paid for the photos the race organizers took and sold to us. Sadly, I don't look anything like a person that you'd see in Runner's World. Or Muscle and Fitness. Or Men's Health. Or pretty much any magazine where the people are good-looking and exciting. Clearly I need to stay behind the camera and stick to photographing models from now on. I always knew there was a reason I am so picky in choosing models with all the right features and all that. A good model can make even the worst photographer look like a genius, and a slob like me can make the best photographer look like a loser.

Good Models
So, what else is going on?

Anything exciting in the news lately?
The stock market has been in perpetual free-fall. Apparently the combination of toxic 'triangulation' politics, '60s era Marxism, European socialism, George Soros' anti-dollar gold speculation, Muslim terrorist attacks and global warming gay pride HPV lame television for girls has converged to create a powerful gravitational pull on the world's economies. In other words, the shit is hitting the fan and it just keeps on getting shittier and shittier.

The news media is reporting that Big Money (New York City Jewish persons) has shifted away from supporting current US President Barack Obama to presumed future US President Mitt Romney. Apparently their ideals went out the window when the financial pain came home to them and made enough of a hurt for even billionaires to cry a little.

"Marxism schmarxism, I want my money back!"
Rhode Island just approved in-state tuition for illegal aliens. Meanwhile, legal Americans have to pay more than twice as much to attend lousy Rhode Island schools. Well, until they sue, because there is a federal law which says that any state which offers in-state tuition to illegal aliens must offer the same tuition to all legal American citizens, so Rhode Island is in danger of eating a big old shit sandwich once the lawyers get started on the case. So is Rick Perry's state of Texas.

Rhode Island college students
The US House of Representatives, led by Republicans, has asked Planned Parenthood to submit to the exact same level of financial scrutiny as all other American institutions receiving federal tax dollars. Feminists, quite predictably, are throwing a giant hissy fit over it. How dare anyone hold the feminist high altar to the same standards as everyone else! Why, they have never documented a single thing since 1969 and they don't plan to start now. We're just supposed to trust them.

Trust me, you bastards!!!

Don't Hate
A white woman living in a mostly black South Carolina neighborhood has been the victim of a few hate crimes since she began flying the Confederate flag on her front porch. Not surprisingly, not a single thing has been done about those crimes, or a single arrest made by the US Department of Justice, because hate crimes against white people, males, heterosexuals and Christians don't count in Washington, DC. To the honky woman flying the flag, it simply symbolizes her heritage and the heritage of her family. To politicians, it symbolizes an excuse to throw rocks at her and stir up hatred prior to every election.

Not registered as a sex offender
An old man in Massachusetts, where feminist women sued for the right to go topless, went nude while washing his car. Predictably, a woman complained and he was arrested. He was sentenced to one year probation and ordered to register as a sex offender. Excuse me, but does anyone remember what sex offender registries are actually for? Exactly how does going nude qualify a person as a sex offender, while cutting off a man's dick or grabbing and crushing his balls because you are mad and want to hurt and humiliate him sexually does not? Who is being protected by this lifetime sex offender registration requirement for this man? I don't see Lorena Bobbitt's name on any registry. And if she isn't a sex offender, no one is.

Also not registered as a sex offender

Anyway, that's all I have to say at this point.

Monday Mental Meandering

2011-09-19T23:09:00.008-05:00

Stormy
Wow, it's Monday and I haven't got much to talk about. We've had rain, thank God, after a long drought that had officials warning about fires and the possibility of fires, but last night it stormed. It stormed so hard it knocked down all my solar lights along the sidewalk. As a result, I learned that some of my solar lights, when they end up knocked down and laying in a puddle, will just sit and flash on and off, endlessly, and I have no idea how to make them stop doing it.

And as usual, with the rain came a total mental breakdown among all the drivers in traffic. I don't know why this happens, because it rains here a lot, but whenever it does all the drivers suddenly seem to forget that they can still drive pretty much normally, with just a little more caution, even when there is water falling from the sky and the road is shiny. I had a guy seemingly begging me to hit his new car. And I was very tempted to take him up on it.

"Turn left at the next intersection"
My mother had a home alarm system installed in her house a few months ago. Every other week or so, she has to ask me how to work it. I try to explain it to her as best as I can, but within a short time she's forgotten again and is back asking. One thing which I cannot explain, though, is why the voice on the alarm sounds like Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

It's an undeniable trend here in the Feminist States of America that every single electronic gadget that talks to you is automatically programmed with a female voice. Most do not even allow you the option of changing the voice to something you prefer. My father was almost totally deaf to most female voices and couldn't have heard Dr. Quinn telling him the alarm was on, just as he couldn't have heard the woman in the GPS unit in people's cars telling them when to turn or change lanes, etc. Luckily, Dad came from a generation that knew how to read maps, so he never paid any attention to the women in the GPS units that he couldn't hear anyway.

Robber Barons
President Obama made a speech in which he insisted that the solution to the massive economic crisis that he and his party nearly singlehandedly created in 3 short years was to raise taxes and then spend that money. I believe a previous US President named Reagan referred to this failed policy as "tax and spend" and did the opposite in order to save us from the economic disaster that Jimmy Carter created. I find it not at all ironic that people call Obama "Jimmy Carter part 2".

Come to think of it, former US President Kennedy did the opposite of Obama, too. But then Johnson came after him and did exactly what Obama is doing. It seems to be set in stone here in this country that for every good President we have, right after them comes a total shithead. And if not right after, then shortly thereafter.

Snotty
My allergies have been kicking my ass. I feel terrible even as I'm writing this, with snot running down the back of my throat and my nose raw from blowing it. I'm sure you were just dying to know that, so I made sure to tell you. You're welcome.

"No, I don't need a bra. They stay up by themselves."
I just did an internet photo search for the word "allergies" and every single photo returned was of a woman. That doesn't surprise me since every internet search engine I have access to is in the US, a fully vaginafied nation. But one thing I found entertaining is that when you do a search of the internet for "hot girl on 30 Rock" every single returned link is of Katrina Bowden. There isn't any confusion at all as to who this search is referring. And yes, I was watching "30 Rock" when I did this. It was a rerun of the episode from season one where Tina Fey's character tries to make Katrina Bowden's character stop dressing so sexy, wear a bra and look more professional. So of course the entire show long Katrina is shown wearing lots of skimpy clothes and no underwear and even bounces her breasts around to show that she doesn't think she needs a bra.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-14T18:40:00.000-05:00

Nude Memphis Movie Review: Our Idiot Brother

2011-09-12T00:55:00.002-05:00

Our Idiot Brother
I went to see this movie on a whim. I thought that the story sounded pretty "iffy" at best, but the actors and actresses in it were all people I liked. So I gave it a shot.

Paul Rudd plays Ned, a happy-go-lucky pot smoking hippie who believes that if you give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust them, then they will want to live up to your expectations and not disappoint you. While this works well enough most of the time, when it backfires it backfires badly.

Ned is selling organic produce when a uniformed cop comes along and tells Ned how stressed out he is. Then he asks if Ned can tell him where he could buy some pot. At first Ned thinks he's joking, but the cop insists and then acts all hurt that Ned doesn't think that even cops need to unwind and smoke a Jay every now and then. So Ned feels bad for the cop and sells him some vegetables, along with a free bag of pot. And of course, the cop arrests him for the pot.

When Ned gets out of jail, he finds that his girlfriend has shacked up with another hippie guy, won't let him come home to live, and won't even give him back his dog. She immediately shows herself to be a controlling, manipulative bitch. But Ned is a nice guy and she walks all over him.

Now Ned needs a place to live, so he has to go home to his family. His mother takes him in, but he's not comfortable with that, so he tries living with one of his three sisters.

Liz, played by Emily Mortimer, takes him in first. Liz is married to an English documentary film maker who doesn't like Ned and fights her tooth and nail not to let Ned come live with them. Once Ned moves in, he begins working with Dylan to help with his documentary film making. Basically he does all the driving and carries Dylan's junk. Along the way, Ned stumbles in on Dylan alone with the ballerina who is the main focus of his current film, and both of them are completely naked. Dylan explains that it is essential for his film that she be naked, and that he must also be naked in order to put her at ease. Immediately after this odd discovery, Dylan insists to Liz that Ned move out right away. So Ned is forced to find another sister to live with.

He moves in with Miranda, a reporter with a sort of on-again, off-again relationship with her neighbor. Basically, she only has a relationship with him when it is convenient for her, but because he likes her so much he drops everything and comes running whenever she wants. She controls him and everyone else around her and that's they way she likes it. She absolutely doesn't want Ned living with her, but she is more or less roped into it. So Ned sleeps on her couch and drives her to interviews when her normal driver fails to show up. In a very important interview with a very wealthy woman, Lady Arabella, played by Janet Montgomery, Miranda is annoyed when Lady Arabella seems to prefer talking with Ned over talking with her, and the interview is almost impossible to get because of this. Basically, Lady Arabella has some scandal in her life that every reporter wants to get the scoop on, but Lady Arabella won't talk about it. But when she becomes friendly with Ned, she tells him all about it, trusting that he won't betray her confidence because he is just such a nice guy.

Ned and Lady Arabella
Ned, while staying with Miranda, spends a significant amount of time with her boyfriend/neighbor Jeremy, played by Adam Scott. Jeremy confides in Ned how he feels about Miranda, both good and bad. And Miranda from time to time confides in Ned how she feels about Jeremy. At one point, Ned accidentally lets slip how much Jeremy dislikes how controlling Miranda is. Miranda immediately pounces on Ned and begins ripping into him. But then Ned tries to fix the problem he's apparently caused by pointing out something Miranda said about Jeremy. This causes Jeremy to rip into Miranda. The more Ned talks, trying to fix this fight he seems to have caused, the more he reveals what they've been saying about each other behind their backs, which makes everything worse. Meanwhile, Miranda really needs to know what Lady Arabella told Ned. Her job is on the line over it. But Ned won't let her publish it and embarrasses her in front of her boss when he won't betray Lady Arabella to his sister.

Ned making things worse between Miranda and Jeremy
So Ned has to find another place to live. He ends up with his third sister, Natalie, played by Zoey Deschanel. Natalie is somewhat lost in the world, living with her lesbian girlfriend Cindy, played by Rashida Jones, but at the same time not really sure that she actually is a lesbian. She just hooks up with anyone who will show her something resembling love. Unfortunately, this leads to complications between her and Cindy, which Ned accidentally gets himself into the middle of, and he winds up back at home with his mother.

Now Ned has broken up the relationships of 2 of his 3 sisters, and before he moves back home to live with his mother, he mentions to Miranda and Natalie how odd he thinks it is that Dylan films his ballerina while both of them are nude. He assumes there is nothing to it and thus there is no harm in telling them about it. Naturally his two sisters immediately realize that Dylan is having an affair. And while the whole family is at their mother's house, they get Liz alone and try to tell her what they've discovered. A big fight results and all three sisters tear into each other, and all are aware that Ned is at the center of all of their break-ups.

Ned says your husband is having an affair ...

I'm not going to reveal how the movie ends. I think you should go see it, and do it quick because it's been out for awhile and is going to be out of the theaters soon.

I liked this movie more than I expected to. First, the story wasn't so bad. Second, no one got hit in the balls. Third, anything with Elizabeth Banks in it is a winner for me. Fourth, I love Zooey Deschanel. She's awesome. In fact, I like her so much that she's in my blogroll over there to the left of this post. Check her out.

So, one star for no one getting hurt in their genitals. One star because Elizabeth Banks is fucking awesome. One star because Zooey Deschanel is, too. There's three stars just for those things alone. And one more star because the movie was funny enough to be worth watching. It was even funny enough to be worth paying the small fortune that it costs to go to the movies these days. I liked it.

So I give Our Idiot Brother four stars out of five. Go see it.

The Falling Man

2011-09-11T00:51:00.001-05:00

Because you did this we will never stop coming for you. There is nowhere you can go that we won't follow. There is nowhere you can hide that we won't drag you out and shoot you or simply blow you up with a smart bomb. You may very well burn in hell one day, but not before we send you there. By the time we finish with you, those of you who helped make this happen, you will wish you had died along with the other terrorists on that day.

Friday Farting Around

2011-09-09T00:13:00.001-05:00

What brings you here, big boy?

I haven't posted anything here in a week. That's how swamped I've been lately. I'm drowning in stress and responsibilities and eye strain from working long hours. By the time I get home my brain is so fried that the thought of turning on a computer and looking into the sick green glow of a monitor is more than I can handle.

So I've been absent. As if to punish me, 2 people stopped following my blog. Or, could look at it another way and theorize that maybe 10 people followed me and then 12 unfollowed me while I was away, leaving me returning to a net loss of 2 people. I don't know who it was or why they felt that I was no longer good enough to follow, but they're gone just the same. And with that in mind, let's talk about the things I've written here over the years that people seem to like, because when I checked my stats and saw what it was that is really popular here I honestly had to say, "WTF?"

Most Popular Nude Memphis Posts

#1 - Dear Penis
How many of you even remember this post? I had totally forgotten it. But apparently a lot of people like it because it has received 97,000 views, mostly from places like India and China and places that I honestly don't even have a clue as to why they are so fascinated by this one. I was in a lousy mood. I didn't know what to say. I was actually sort of depressed. So I wrote a letter breaking up with my penis. Who knew this was the work of epic genius that might one day propel me into a writing career? If I ever do write a book I know what I'm going to write it about - my penis.

#2 - How Pumpkin Pie is Made
OK, really? Once again I am at a loss. It's just a cartoon of a poop gag about where pumpkin pie comes from. It received nearly 75,000 fewer page views than the post about my penis. And yet it is still in the #2 spot. Most of the hits are coming from Denmark and Germany and Sweden. I love the beautiful women in those places. They are some seriously hot babes. Do you suppose if I ever visit their countries I could impress them with gags about how pumpkin pie is made from pooping pumpkins? Could it really be that easy?

#3 - Flightless Bird
Seriously?? THIS post is the number three most popular post I've ever written? Ever? It's a rambling post about nothing. I mean, it's truly about nothing. I was upset, and then I was distracted by what was on TV, and then I went off on a tangent about giving up on our political leaders and then I went to bed. Seriously, that's it. Click the link if you want to, but after you read it you'll say, "I'll be damned. He already summed it up in one sentence."

#4 - Hillbilly Saviors
It's just a joke about hillbillies. I probably got it in an email. I mean, it's funny and all ... To me, the best thing about this post is in the comments. Some of the people who commented on this post haven't been around to read my blog in years, but they were some funny bloggers.

#5 - Memphipedia: Hobophobe
OK, I have to be honest, I'm proud of this one. I thought this was funny as shit. I think there may have been alcohol involved, but one night I came up with 'hobophobe' and 'fagabond' at the same time, so I wrote two Memphipedia posts about them. Apparently 'fagabond' is too politically incorrect to make the top ten list, but people seem to like 'hobophobe.' Whatever.

#6 - Thursday's Thoughts - American Women's Soccer
I don't know why this post is popular. I was just intending to post a quick mental fart about what I think would help women's professional soccer get the fans it needs to be financially self-sustaining. Seriously, it isn't rocket science. Most of the girls playing soccer are hot. But who can tell that they even are girls when they're out there wearing men's uniforms?

#7 - Bridget Moynahan Nude
Ah yeah, I posted this long ago just to see what it would do for my hits. It's been 4 years now and it is still churning out the hits for me. Thank you, Bridget Moynahan, you are one highly lusted-after babe to bring me this much traffic with so little effort on my part!

Bridget Moynahan strips for hits

#8 - Cars That I Have Owned
Wow, this is neck-and-neck with Bridget Moynahan Nude, only 4 hits behind, which is truly a surprise to me. I stole the idea for this post from XL. It took me hours to write because I have owned so many damn cars over the years. But it was a lot of fun. I guess remembering our old cars is a fairly universal thing. We can measure the periods of our lives by the car we were driving at the time oftentimes.

#9 - Happy St Patrick's Day
A truly Irish post this one is! Lots of sexy girls, some nudity, and a few Irish jokes.

#10 - Memphis Movie review: Gone Baby Gone
I have to laugh at this post being in the top 10. Granted, it's a review of a good movie, but I know the real reason this post is so popular. It's because I was being a smart-ass while I wrote it (imagine that) and I commented on how people confuse the names of the star, Michelle Monaghan, with another famous actress, Bridget Moynahan. And then I commented on how popular my post about 'Bridget Moynahan Nude' has been and how I think 'Michelle Monaghan Nude' should bring in just as many hits because she's hot, too. And look at what that statement did for me - a top 10 post.

Michelle Monaghan sexes up my blog

So anyway, I didn't start out to write a post about my top 10 blog posts of all time. President Obama supposedly made a speech the other night. I probably should have watched it and wrote about that. And the Republican debate was on last night, too. I briefly considered writing about that. But I just didn't want to. No one listens to Obama anymore. Too many empty words, too many destructive policies, too much change coupled with less and less hope have rendered him nothing more than a tinkling cymbal, as the saying goes, no one listens to him anymore. And as for the Republican debate, it's still a long way away from election day, and I've seen too many times how the totally out-of-touch Republican Party leadership will hand pick the worst possible candidate while shoving aside any real leaders, or potential leaders, in order to hand the election to the Democrats. I just didn't feel like wasting blog space on a debate that isn't going to matter much. Take a look up on the stage, pick out the biggest douchebag who is the most out-of-step with conservative middle class voters, and there is the guy the party leaders are going to go with. They do it every single time.

Bridget Moynahan, Piper Perabo, Izabella Miko, etc, not nude

Loonies On the Path - LIV - Ass in a Shitpile

2011-09-02T22:06:00.003-05:00

So you are obviously in a pissy mood. Any time someone gets on the parkway and goes as slow as you, piling up cars behind them, it means trouble. But when one of the cars stuck behind you moves to pass, and you get angry and speed up to prevent them from getting by, that's a big red flag. You are a shit.

When that car passing you is me, I don't give a damn if you suddenly sped up just to block anyone from passing. I'm passing you anyway. You already demonstrated that you are going to be a problem. Speeding up merely to prevent a pass only reinforces my impression of you as an asshole looking for a fight with random strangers.

And once I have passed you, if you glue yourself to my ass like a new bumpersticker, as you did, so that when I speed up to well over 20 mph faster than you were going before, this cements it for me that you are just a cunt looking to create trouble for everyone else and then laugh at how upset the rest of the world is as a result of you being in it. I have no respect for people like that. And I believe I proved that to you.

Just for the record, and to make sure that you don't console yourself in being defeated by me in your own passive/aggressive traffic game, excessive slow speed is illegal. So is speeding up to prevent a pass. And so is tailgating so closely that you couldn't even read my license plate because you were so close that our cars were nearly joined together.

And when I suddenly slowed for the turn at the off-ramp, you very nearly did join our cars together. You also tried to pass me on the shoulder, which didn't go well for you, apparently.

And just think, as angry as you no doubt are right this moment, it was all your own doing. This was your game. You insisted on playing it with whomever came along. It was just your misfortune that the person who came along was me. I grew up in a house with a mother who played those stupid games in traffic every single day. I learned all the tricks just from listening to her talking to herself as she battled every male driver on the road out of some feminist rage. When I turned 16 and got my own license, I learned through trial-by-fire when all my mother's feminist friends played those same deadly games with me. I nearly died as a result of one of them, and it would have taken her and her children with me. She didn't care. But then that's how passive/aggressive cunts are. They don't care if they kill innocent random people in their quest for vengence against the world as they rage along in traffic. All they care about is making the world a much worse place for everyone.

I would like to point out, at no time did I exceed the speed limit while dealing with you. And also, at no point did I fall below the speed limit by more than 5-10 mph, except while stuck behind you, at which point we were barely moving at all. And yet you were all in a tizzy trying to force me to play your game and potentially get myself killed for your perverse pleasure. You went from 20 mph below the speed limit to exceeding it by a good bit when you moved to pass me in the interstate. I didn't stop you from passing me. But I didn't let you get in front of me, either. 5 lanes you had to choose from, but when you saw that you were not going to be able to get directly in front of me without making more than the slightest effort, you threw a fit and got right back on my ass. 70 mph and you were no more than 6 inches from my rear bumper. I could have easily hit my brakes and killed you if I'd wanted to. You would have been sandwiched between my car and the truck behind you.

You are a stupid ass. If the police saw what you were doing they might have pulled you over and given you a ticket for driving too close. I forget how many points that is on your license, but its a lot more than a speeding ticket. Do you know why? Because it's more dangerous than speeding. So is driving too slow and blocking people. In fact, driving too slow and blocking people is one of the top causes of fatal accidents in the US. So you are pretty much a cunt every way you look at it, aren't you?

Yes, yes indeed you are.

Who Are the Good Guys?

2011-09-01T22:43:00.006-05:00

In The Bible, in Deuteronomy 25:11-12 it says that if two men are fighting, and the wife of one of the men grabs the other man by the testicles, show her no mercy. Cut off her hand.

In Genesis 19, it tells of the city of Sodom, where 2 angels came to find Lot and tell him to leave the city because it was so evil that God intended to destroy it. As if to demonstrate how evil it was, the Bible says "every man of the city" came and surrounded Lot's house and demanded that the 2 men be sent out to be raped. It doesn't say why the men wanted to rape them, only that they did.

Here in the United States, in what is claimed to be the most Christian nation on earth, we routinely teach our kids and women to do exactly what is so harshly condemned in Deuteronomy 25. We try to excuse it by saying it is to make them safe, even though the evidence we have seen over the last 30 years and more shows that this isn't what it has done at all. And now we teach Krav Maga and encourage everyone, men, women, children and especially our police to do what the Bible so harshly and clearly condemns - to go for the balls in situations that are absolutely not fear-for-life self-defense at all, but in any dispute with a male where we want to win.

Meanwhile, in our prisons, we have known that men are acting exactly like what is described in Genesis 19 and we have laughed about it and even celebrated it for as long as I can remember. And this includes the Christian Church, which has done virtually nothing about this problem, except for one man, Chuck Colson, who himself went to prison and saw firsthand how bad it was. He is the only Christian minister I know of trying to do anything about the rape of men in prison. Prior to his efforts, most states in the US didn't even have laws acknowledging that rape of a male could happen at all, let alone declaring it to be a crime. If not for his Washington connections, it would still be that way to this day.

Here in the United States, since the 1960s we have become so hostile towards the male sex, so filled with hatred of males of all ages, that we sit and watch TV shows in which our police, both in fictional dramas and in reality programs like COPS, use sexual violence against males in circumstances that don't even begin to approach fear-for-life self-defense. In the most recent example, a cop was simply angry at a man who was resisting being handcuffed, so he reached around and grabbed the man's balls and squeezed them hard.

In Mesa County, Colorado, Deputy Hassan Hassan caught an elbow in the mouth from 22-year-old Samuel Fazio and got so angry that he sexually assaulted him by grabbing Fazio's balls and squeezing for all he was worth. The Sheriff's office defended the deputy's sexual assault of the kid by saying that the sexual assault, while unorthodox, was not a violation of any rules or laws. Since laws governing sexual assault have almost never been applied equally to male victims as female victims, despite the clear declaration that any contact with the genitals that is unwanted by the victim, even through clothing, is illegal sexual assault, the police across the nation have abused it more and more often, and in circumstances that are less and less excusable. Apparently when it comes to the police or your genitals, you can throw the Bill of Rights out the window if you are male because you have no rights at all.

Interestingly, at the exact same time that Deputy Hassan was squeezing the testicles of an unarmed 22-year-old male, a 19-year-old female prostitute was on trial for murder in Bihar, India, after she said a 15-year-old male client "outraged her sense of modesty", and so she grabbed his testicles exactly as Deputy Hassan did, and squeezed them hard. The male victim died. In fact, this method of murdering males is common in India. But unlike the United States, their system of laws actually punishes people who do this sort of thing.

As despicable as Deputy Hassan Hassan's actions are, and as outrageous as the Sheriff's excuses for why he won't punish the deputy for sexually assaulting an unarmed man who did not touch the deputy's weapons or threaten the deputy's life in any way, what is worse is the reaction of law enforcement officers across the United States, as recorded on police forums on the internet.

Here is a conversation among US law enforcement officers about Deputy Hassan's sexual violation of a male suspect:

VON1: "Well there is an old saying,'Grab a man by his short hairs and his heart and brain will follow" I believe that is true, as a matter of fact, I was in a DT training class in Nassau County NY back in the day, they had an instructor in the class who prided himself in not being able to be hand cuffed by two or more trainees. So while 2 of my colleagues were trying to get him under control, I reached in for the tactical testicle hold, and instant cuffs and compliance. I was the first to get his attention and respect. LMAO!"

GPPDSWAT: "You know,, when the fights on, there are no off limits locations. They pay us to win!!!!!"

'They pay us to win', not to serve and protect, not to obey the law, not to respect basic human rights or much of anything else.

JCNORMAN: "VON1 and GP, I have had to use the tactical testicle hold in a fight and the fight did not last very long."

HYRKY: "'It's a reasonable tactic in this situation.' Enough said. I love it when the brass talk this way."

CQSOSHERIFF26: "'The technique would not be effective with a female'. Ya think?"

WHITECOLLARCRIME: "Benjamin says the same standard would apply to a woman resisting arrest, although she noted, "The technique would not be effective with a female." HUH?!?! Is Officer Benjamin advocated grabbing a women's breast when one is noncompliant or is she pointing out that women don't have testicles?"

If you can legally grab a man's testicles in this situation why could you not grab a woman's breasts? Yet he knows it would be treated completely differently.

GABOY: "The Tactical Testicle Hold.... I love it! Like they say "Go for what you know!" I just hope you don't know it too well! I bet he gets "ribbed" about this for a while. Deputy Dick Hans.... I can see it now.... I could go on but I will quit!"

VON1: "I coined the phrase along time ago, "The Tactical Testicle Hold" because it works , even a drunk knows when the "TWINS" are being squeezed."

BLONDIE26: "Hey, whatever works... I'll have to try this technique out on the street!"

Soldiers have found forcible rape to be effective in subduing females for thousands of years. Japan even included it in military training in WWII. Hey, whatever works, right?

CQSO - "Next time you get in a struggle with a female, grab her by the hooters and let us know how it works out :)

Words of wisdom VON... "

NUNKOTA: "Speaking of pod holds, one of the women officers had a guy by the sack, and she later said she could feel her fingernails touching through the pants. The cranker looks down and said, "Leggo my balls, bitch!" Maybe she was going for a vascectomy hold. So, the coppers went to plan B.
Would this fall under "shot placement"?
Von, ol' son, you may have coined a phrase for the Training Dictionary! "

When the feminists were demanding more female cops and reduced physical fitness standards back in the 1970s, this kind of sexual violence wasn't common and a cop caught doing it could end up in serious trouble. But since then it has become steadily more and more common to the point that it is apparently now a standard practice.

MIKEB0721: "Tactical Testical Hold: a name that will live throughout history!
EXCELLENT, V1!"

BHESS: "That this was a big issue is troubling. GJ (good job) for the officer."

Troubling because sexual assault of an unarmed male is routine? Sexual violence is a very big issue to society.

WMCCARTY: "Yes, the dreaded and most feared TTH (tactical testicle hold) is guaranteed to be a ball buster of a situation for the bad guy. Instant compliance.
VON, you rock man!! :) Stay safe."

Instant compliance through any means necessary, even if it causes the public to despise the police as a result. Why not just shoot the man?

405WSP: "Funny there is even a question on this one. I understand reviewing every use of force but to be news worthy?"

Yes, sexual assault is newsworthy, especially when done by those whom the public is told to respect, obey and trust with our lives.

VON1: "Hey,listen up, all you street pounders. I also have an ACRONYM for all who may forget, here it goes. For proper application remember "SGT Balls"
S=Slap gets their attention
G= grab,eyes pop open, breathing gets shallow and you have command
T= Twist, to their knees you have control. The rest of the ACRONYM
Self explanatory.I love you guys and gals..Funny shit, may save your arse's..LOL"

It's important to note how this officer views sexual assault and torture to be all about getting the victim's attention, about control and command, and not about any sort of self-defense at all. And he so clearly considers it his right as a police officer. Violent rapists think exactly the same way.

DDURKOF: "When I was first in Law Enforcement there was a BIG, guy who prided himself on fighting the police. That was until another BIG guy who was an officer grabbed the "jewels" and lifted up until the guy was walking on his tip toes over to the car. He couldn't get the handcuffs on fast enough. He never again fought the police."

All that training and all those weapons and this is what he did?

DEPUTYKEITH: "The only thing the deputy did wrong was not ripping his nuts off. It would have prevented that dogg ass from contaminating the earth with more dogg asses!"

A flailing unarmed man deserves castration? How did you get past the psyche exam?

COMPTON5150: "The deputy has some balls! I guess the suspect ain't got no nuts."

SMEARED1: "'The technique would not be effective with a female.' LMAO, Stupid."

BPDNARC: "A one-handed Rear Naked Choke if you will...... "

FIELDMOUSE: "Knew an old time copper in Marin who called it the Testicular Take Down."

PAINT: "Reminds me of that ol' question.... How ya' hangin' ?"

K9HANLR: "We are paid to win not come in second place, everything is on the table when a suspect resists. We fight on until the fight is over and if (I have heard this somewhere)you have to use the "The Tactical Testicle Hold" (courtesy of VON 1), then so be it, don't fight with the Police and you won't start talking in a squeaky voice."

Paid to win - not obey the law or care about citizens or decency or respect for law enforcement. Just win by whatever means necessary.

1416OPS: "I can assure you that if an officer, male or female, grabbed a woman by any of her private parts to gain compliance, there would be a huge sexual assault case. Charges against the female perp would be dropped for charter reasons (I'm Canadian, it's the same as a constitution violation) and the officer's name would be dragged through the mud. Google "Stacey Bonds, Ottawa" to see what kind of hell can be brought down on a department when a female resists and it's caught on video."

A Canadian cop is the only one who sees a potential problem with this line of thinking. And he correctly identifies the assault as sexual assault. He is the only one.

BADGER1135: "There are a few cases that I've been forced to use this technique. If your fighting a DV suspect on a old wood porch in the rain and you can't get footing because the deck is like ice. The suspect was resisting and endangering other officers risking fall injuries. Useing this technique was the only was to get the suspect to comply. Arrest was made and no one was injured."

One of the officers might fall down so vicious sexual assault was justified?

HEMINUT392: "I too have used the 'Tactical Testicle Hold' with great results. Our defense tactics instructor at the academy back in 1980 actually touched on it briefly. He said 'If you have the perp down on the ground and he's still fighting, grab his balls and squeeze. Then toss him the handcuffs and tell him to put them on.'"

JRHTPD: "I swear I thought that was the testcort position."

KERRY: "I wonder if grabbing them is okay, why would the Sgt. object to my kicking them to make him let go of my pistol in my holster. Didn't work that well but did distract him enough for me to pin him to a grille and choke him with an arm to the throat from the front. But yet another Sgt. broke up the fun before I could make him do the funky chicken in the parking lot."

Because the public can see the kick very easily, whereas sexual asssault with a hand is harder for witnesses to see or the victim to prove even in cases where the testicles have been ruptured (the police argued that the victim ruptured his testicles himself - no, seriously - and they got away with it.) When you're doing something wrong you have to hide it. I guess you didn't know?

FRERT: "That's awesome! KICK EM IN THE JIMMY!!! ha ha ha"

And law enforcement officials complain that they aren't respected like they used to be.

ARMYMP76544: "We had a similarly named hold back when I was back in high school wrestling but we called it "5 on 2" it worked then as well aas it works now, however I do think the Tactical Testicular Hold is a little bit more PC making it more defendable."

Sexual assault of males is very PC. The feminists love it like cake. But it is still despicable, as are those who use it for anything short of fear-for-life self-defense.

KE48: "When you have them by the balls, there hearts and minds will follow. This was on a friends hat 15 years ago."

Actually, their hearts will not follow. They will hate you and never stop wanting you dead. They may even make it happen.

This forum helped me to better understand why so many in poor crime-ridden communities have more respect for gang bangers than they do for the police. You may fear someone who sexually assaults, tortures and mutilates, but you will never respect them. You will only hate them. Especially when they do it so casually and with total legal immunity. We already know this from Roman times.

Now just imagine that you are a rookie cop, a decent person who just wants to fight for justice and uphold the laws for the good of society, and you are surrounded every day by other cops who think like the cops in this forum do. How disillusioning that must be. Did you notice the overwhelming "us vs them" mentality that most expressed? They didn't see themselves as servants of the people, but controllers and commanders of the people. "Do what I tell you or I'll rape and castrate you, dirtbag!" They were even shocked that a sexual assault of an unarmed man even made the news. And they didn't understand why it was a big deal to anyone.

I've noticed more and more articles from highly intelligent writers who are alarmed about the increasing militarization of the police, with a resulting attitude among cops that they are an army occupying an enemy territory, authorized to micromanage our every move and abuse us in any way they wish. The laws apply less and less to them, but more and more to us, with more laws passed criminalizing our every move each year. And the definition of 'resisting' has expanded to the point that simply standing still and not speaking, or saying "what?" constitutes grounds for shooting you in the testicles with a Taser or kicking you in the testicles with an army boot or grabbing your testicles and dragging you around while your heart spasms in your chest and your lungs are collapsed by your diaphram so that you will die if they don't let go. And then, if you live, you are charged with a felony.

We have a serious problem here in the United States. We don't seem to have any concept of 'good guys' anymore. Our 'good guys' do evil things that our 'bad guys' wouldn't stoop low enough to do. And ever since God was removed from Washington, no one seems to recall where the concept of civil rights came from or what it even means. We're slowly turning into Rome, with all the corruption and abuses that goes with that.

Roadkill Update: Hey Mikey, he likes her!

2011-08-31T15:33:00.005-05:00

Holly Pooper

I still haven't come up with a name for her, but right now she's in danger of being named Miss Holly Pooper because she keeps climbing into a large pot containing cuttings from our holly tree that I am trying to root and taking a giant dump in the middle of them. Then she digs them all up as she claws around trying to bury her smelly turds.

Stinky has surprisingly taken her under his wing far sooner than we expected. He has even been escorting her to HIS food dish and watching her eat (absolutely unheard of for him!) Then he opens the laundry room door for her so she can get back out again because she's too little to do it. He is playing footsie with her, too, hanging his paws out the slats of the dining room chair and batting at her while she leaps up and attacks him. It is amazing. He likes her!

Eh, she's OK

Adopt-A-RoadKill

2011-08-28T23:42:00.006-05:00

I see you
I saw you there, lying in the road like a lump of dead meat. I almost ran over you myself. I might have, if not for what I saw at the very last second, as you disappeared out of my line of sight beneath my car. A twitch, an ear turning to listen to me, a sign of life!

I stopped and looked back.

You raised your head and looked at me.

I backed up and looked at you more closely.

You stood up and looked at me nervously.

I got out.

You started to run into the woods.

I called, "here kitty kitty" and you stopped and looked back. You meowed at me and began to move towards me. You were so pitiful. I thought you were wild, but you were desperate for someone to come and pay you some attention. And that seemed odd for an animal so young, left there in the middle of nowhere to lie in the road alone.

I petted you for a little while, but then I needed to go on my way. You purred and meowed and jumped up to meet my hand with your head as if to help me pet you some more. When I tried to leave you chased me to my car, hurling yourself into my feet and tripping me. You even tried to get into my car with me. It was a pitiful sight.

You chased my car, crying for all you were worth as I drove away. You cried after me as if I were your only hope.

I spent an hour and $110 at the store, buying stupid things that I probably could have done without. Then again, why would I have gone in the first place if I didn't need some of those things? Still, I didn't need $110 worth. I swear, I'm turning into Michael Jackson, buying things just to keep the lonely away. Or maybe I just have an addiction to old movies? Probably its the second one. I don't really have much in common with Michael Jackson. And when I saw the name Hedy Lamarr on the box I just had to have it.

On the way home, I had 2 choices as to how I could go. I thought of you and decided to go back the way I had come. The odds of a kitten so small still being where I last saw it an hour before, in the middle of nowhere, sleeping in the street, were extremely small. At least, that's been my experience with cats and kittens. They don't tend to sit still for long. If you were still where I last saw you, I was going to stop and take another look at you.

5 miles down the road, there you were, back in your dead cat pose laying on the asphalt in the shade of the elm trees looking dejected. And then you heard the sound of my car. I'll be damned if you didn't recognize it. You hadn't moved when I came by the first time, but this time you knew the sound of my engine, just like my previous cats learned to do, and you actually jumped up from where you were laying and began to run straight at my car meowing your fuzzy little head off.

Truly this was a desperate animal.

So I stopped my car and opened the door to come take another look at you. No need, you were at my door before I could even get out. "Come'on kitty," I said to you. And you jumped into my car.

When I got you to my house, you seemed about as calm as any kitten I have ever seen upon arriving at a new place. You didn't explore. You just stuck close by my feet and followed me. I took you inside and put out a dish with cat food and water for you. And you inhaled the food.

Hmm, clearly you have not eaten in quite awhile. As small as you are, and I'd guess you're no more than 10 weeks old, you ate as much food in one sitting as my full grown Maine Coon, Spongebob Stinkypants. And he's a food vacuum.

Stinky the food vacuum
Speaking of Stinky, when he gets home he's gonna be pissed to see a new cat in the house. Oh, and that reminds me, until we know if you're negative for feline leukemia, I'm locking up his food and keeping you away from all his toys. Your food and water goes in the hall bathroom and his is going to be locked in the laundry room. After what happened with the last cat, which Stinky himself rescued only to see him put down due to advanced feline leukemia, we can't take any chances.

So I've apparently adopted another cat. After spending 2 days with it, I've come to the conclusion that it is a female and a Maine Coon, which is the same breed as Stinky. I've also come to the conclusion that this cat either has balls of steel or else she has no idea how easily Stinky could swallow her in one bite. He's a giant compared to her. And he was indeed NOT happy to see another cat in the house once he came home, although he has taken it much better than expected. He hisses at her when she comes too close, but other than that, he seems to just ignore her. Even when she's playing with his tail which he left hanging out from the chair he was sitting in and was swishing around angrily. Then again, what kitten can resist a toy like that?

That tail ... swaying seductively... must attack ...
So anyway, if this kitten is negative for feline leukemia, and if no one claims her, then apparently we are once again a 2 cat household. And then, I suppose, we'll have to name her.

Kittens are damned hard to get a good photo of. They never sit still.

Decepticons Revisited and Randomness

2011-08-24T23:06:00.006-05:00

Since I had written in the past about the exposure of Spiky as an impersonator of Storm Large and gotten a large part of the story wrong, I thought I should straighten out as much as I can. After all, everyone deserves a fair shake, and I think most of us liked Spiky.

I had been under the impression that Spiky Zora Jones and Huni, the blogger who faked her own death from cancer on the blog, were the same person. Thus, I concluded that this person was especially cold and deceptive since they had done this twice already. My whole reason for writing about the situation at all was because of this belief.

But I was wrong.

There is no connection between Spiky and Huni that anyone knows of and as far as we know, Spiky's blog was the only blog she ever had. Also, I seem to recall that her progression into totally embracing Storm Large's career and achievements as her own was a gradual thing. It wasn't as if Spiky just decided one day to start up a blog and pretend to be some celebrity just to see who all was gullible enough to fall for it. At least, that's not how it appeared to me. I seem to recall the photos of Storm Large becoming gradually more and more frequent, and the claims of having done things that were actually done by Storm Large didn't come until the last year or two.

I had considered correcting this mistake in my original post, but at the time I thought it was enough that it had all been straightened out in the comments. Looking back on that post now, though, I no longer feel that way. I liked Spiky. I don't want people looking at my blog as a place where someone went and slammed on her with false accusations, even if I didn't mean to. So I just want to set the record straight.

So anyway, enough about that.

Loonies On the Path

During the beginning of this week, I couldn't help but notice that drivers in traffic were acting really strangely. They were hyper aggressive and edgy for no apparent reason. I myself felt on edge, but I didn't know why.

And then a big earthquake hit Virginia.

And today everyone seems closer to normal. To be fair, last night I still felt edgy and had a lot of trouble going to sleep. I don't know why. I asked others about this and found that a lot of people around this area also felt edgy and had trouble sleeping last night. And they also don't know why.

I started writing "Loonies On the Path" mostly just to document a connection which I believe exists between natural phenomenon or events and the way people act, especially in traffic. Cold front - people get bitchy. Heat wave - people get bitchy. Thunderstorm - people drive like lunatics or suddenly act as if they never learned how to drive at all. Earthquake - people are batshit crazy for a few days prior to the quake and then seem to become normal again afterwards.

Except in this case the quake has already occurred and still people around here are uneasy. Is there going to be another quake or aftershock? Is it because a hurricane is approaching the East Coast around the same location that the earthquake occurred? I don't know.

I do know that a bad virus has been going around. I had it myself last week, as did a few of my coworkers. Some people have it this week, while I'm still trying to fully recover from it. I know someone close to me seems to be battling it right now and may be coming down with it. Perhaps this is the cause? I don't know and I have no way of proving or testing one way or the other. So I'm just making a note of it here. Maybe future events will make this all clearer for me.

So what do you think? Do you believe that full moons and earthquakes and large weather changes affect people's moods and behavior? Have you experienced this yourself?

Nude Memphis Movie Review: Cowboys and Aliens

2011-08-21T16:54:00.009-05:00

Cowboys and Aliens sounds like a movie with an impossible premise - aliens attack a western town and cowboys have to battle it out against flying space ships and alien laser guns. Surprisingly, the story worked out in a relatively believable fashion, more or less. But I still disliked the movie for a few very specific reasons.

Jake Lonergan, played by Daniel Craig, wakes up in the middle of the desert with no boots and only his underwear. He is also wearing a strange metal bracelet on his arm which he doesn't seem to recognize. He has no idea how he got there or who he is. Three men ride up and attack him. He defeats and kills them with surprising skill. Then he takes their clothes, guns, boots and horses and rides away to the nearest town.

Once in town, he encounters a young bully, Percy Dolarhyde, who declares that his father is the most important man in town and nobody had better get in his way or his 'pa' will be angry. Everyone cooperates with the bully except Jake Lonergan. Jake sexually assaults the bully in a decidedly cowardly and unmanly way, which was despicable instead of heroic. He could easily have punched the young idiot in the throat or headbutted him like a real man, but he didn't. He sexually assaulted him like a girl or a pervert or a perverted girl. It was at this point that I knew I wasn't going to admire or even care about this anti-hero who was the main focus of this movie.

A little further into the film it is revealed that Jake Lonergan is a wanted criminal, a dirtbag who not only robs and kills people, but who robbed his own gang for a woman whom we are told is a prostitute. What a great guy Jake Lonergan is turning out to be. As despicable as the town bully was, Jake is no better. He's actually worse.

Percy the town bully, meanwhile, accidentally shoots a deputy in the shoulder and is arrested. He immediately protests that his father, being the most important man in town, is going to be angry and fire the sheriff for the outrage of his arrest. The sheriff, played reasonably well by Keith Carradine, says he doesn't care because he is sending the boy off with federal marshals to deal with. Meanwhile, an Indian man who was with Percy Dolarhyde, yells to Percy that he's going to go tell his dad and get help. And then he rides off.

Jake Lonergan, meanwhile, goes into a bar and proceeds to drink as fast as he can. A woman who wears a dress equipped with a holster and revolver, walks in and tries to talk to Jake. She identifies herself as Ella Swenson, played by Olivia Wilde. Jake tells her to fuck off. About this time, the sheriff discovers that Jake's face is on a wanted poster in his office and that he is quite an accomplished criminal and first class dirtbag. The sheriff and his deputies proceed to arrest Jake. Jake resists, defeating them all with the same ease that he defeated the three men in the beginning of the film. And then, out of nowhere, Ella Swenson clubs Jake on the back of the head and knocks him cold.

Jake wakes up in a prison cell, adjacent to Percy Dolarhyde who is spitting on him through the bars and taunting him about the cowardly way Jake sexually assaulted him earlier that same day. Percy, being a young fool, presses up against the bars as he taunts, and Jake grabs him and jerks him backwards and then forward again, slamming his face into the bars and knocking him out. The sheriff comes in and takes both men and puts them into a prison wagon to be taken to the federal marshals. But as he does so, Percy's father, Woodrow Dolarhyde, played by Harrison Ford, rides up with a gang of armed men demanding that his son be let go.

Percy, meanwhile, is inside the wagon chained directly to Jake, and whining about it, before he starts shouting like a little girl to his father to get him out. Woodrow Dolarhyde sees Jake and immediately recognizes him as a piece of shit thug who robbed him of a great deal of gold. Woodrow quickly shows himself to be an unpleasant and dislikeable man who is obviously accustomed to bailing his son out of trouble and getting his way. He is the very reason that his son is the type of person that he is. Woodrow threatens the sheriff, but the sheriff won't back down and let his son go.

And then suddenly aliens ships fly up and start blowing everyone to shit. The cowboys all shoot their guns at the aliens, but it seems to have no effect. Meanwhile, the alien ships whip out long cords and grab up various people, including Percy Dolarhyde and Ella Swenson. About this point, the metal bracelet on Jake's wrist springs to life and begins shooting the alien ships, bringing one crashing down to the ground. This weapon on his wrist, whatever it is and wherever it came from, is the only thing that has any effect on the aliens.

Now Jake is upset because the hot girl, Ella, has been taken by aliens. Woodrow Dolarhyde is upset because his son has been taken. And the most important man in town, the bartender, is upset because his wife was also taken. Everyone of any importance now has reason to put aside their differences and go after the aliens. So one way or another, they do.

While riding off together after the aliens, the whole gang runs into a group of robbers who ambush them in the desert. The robbers immediately recognize Jake and declare that he is their boss. Jake has no memory of any of them or anything they're saying about him, so he tries to wing it and tells them to take him back to their camp. Back at camp, the gang of robbers has a new leader and he is not at all happy to see Jake. He pulls a gun on Jake and declares that Jake stole all their gold and gave it to some whore. So Jake kills the new boss. Then Jake, once again showing what kind of scum he is, sexually assaults the new boss' right-hand man in his now typical cowardly fashion when he could easily have flattened the man in any number of manly and admirable ways.

It was at this point that I began to wonder if the director of the film, or perhaps the writers, were all gay. Before watching "Cowboys and Aliens" I had just watched as much as I could stomach of the movie "Made of Honor", a film in which Patrick Dempsey is asked by Michelle Monaghan to be her maid of honor and he oddly agrees to do it. While watching this terrible movie, I couldn't ignore how effeminate and totally unmanly every single male character in that movie was, and how they had clearly been written by someone who doesn't know what real men are like at all, or who doesn't like men. All the scenes of man-on-man sexual violence in "Cowboys and Aliens" gave me that same feeling of something being terribly wrong with whomever was responsible for creating those scenes. They were either a woman or else they were gay, whether openly or closeted, and have serious issues.

So Jake escapes the gang and they all ride on looking for the aliens. Blah blah, the film rolls along, and as it does so it tries to transform the anti-heroes of the movie, both Jake the gay sex offender and Woodrow the former colonel and current town overlord, into sympathetic and more heroic figures whose pain we are supposed to sympathize with and thus forgive them for being total dicks all the time.

Aliens attack. Ella is hurt badly. Jake is forced to carry her, bleeding, back to camp. When he reaches camp, Ella dies. Indians attack. They throw Ella into the fire and she rises from the dead, naked. We see a brief glimpse of her bare back. This is the "nudity" the movie warns about, even as it gives no warnings about the 2 scenes of sexual violence against men we saw earlier. You can't see anything that can't be shown in television at any hour and there is no reason to warn about it. Ella then says something about not having been sure if she could repair "this body" and not being from this place. She tells the Indians she comes from a place above the stars. Then she tells Jake she believes him to be the only one who can kill the aliens. She goes on to tell the story of how the aliens came to her planet in search of gold and killed everyone there except her. She says they will do the same to the people of Earth unless Jake and his posse kill this group of aliens who are apparently just a scouting ship. She says if they kill this group of scouts, the aliens won't return.

So they go find the alien ship and there is a big scene of fighting and the aliens are slaughtering them, but suddenly they aliens seem to almost disappear and the cowboys and Indians together win and Ella heroically blows up the alien ship. And thats pretty much it. Whoopie.

Honestly, the story wasn't so terrible. It was far more believable as a movie than I had expected. But with every hero being an anti-hero and more of a villain than anything else, and the main anti-hero being such a perverted and unmanly dirtbag, I can't like this movie.

Katharine Hepburn wrote in her autobiography about the rise of the anti-hero in the 1960s and how she despised them and their low, cowardly, and decidedly unmanly tactics, even as the drug-addicted baby boomers in the film industry seemed unable to get enough of them. I agree with everything that she said. There is nothing to admire about these anti-heroes who sexually assault men and act like homeless heroin addicts from the sewers of LA. I like Daniel Craig, but I disliked almost every so-called hero in this film.

So, for the 2 totally unnecessary groin shots, I take away 1 star apiece. For both main heroes being despicable anti-heroes I take away another star. For making a seemingly impossible idea, cowboys versus aliens, seem to work, I give back a half star. In the end, all I can give this movie is 2 1/2 stars.

Versatile Blogger

2011-08-15T14:37:00.009-05:00

I've won an award! I'm a Versatile Blogger. Kristine of Kristine's Place has awarded this to me and I appreciate it muchly.

The rules after accepting the Versatile Blogger Award are:
1. Thank the person who gave the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs.

Thank you, Kristine!

7 Things About Me…

1. I'm a cunt. But you probably already knew that.

2. I have zero tolerance for slow-assed computers and other tech devices, like cell phones. They seem to sense this and actually slow down for me just to piss me off. One day, when cars are totally computer controlled, they will be as annoying and shitty as our modern digital devices and yet we will be told how superior they are simply because they are new. Did you know that those old analog telephones were 10 times better than the new digital ones? It's true. And vinyl records actually contain higher quality sound that the average CD and much higher quality than iTunes songs. Think of it, your grandparents had better phones, better cars and better quality music than you have. What?

3. I'm getting older, but my writing is not getting any better. And I don't seem to be getting any funnier. But I am getting fatter. I thought fat old people were supposed to be funny and jolly. WTF happened?

4. I started this blog after a famous and very talented writer, Patricia Pearson, encouraged me to write. No one wanted to publish any of my writing, so out of a sheer need to be able to speak and potentially be heard somewhere I began blogging. Now, after 7 long years of writing, everyone can see why no one wanted to publish my writing. It's chaotic and foul shit that sometimes makes you think and sometimes makes you laugh and sometimes makes you say "what the hell??"

5. I am dramatically underpaid and increasingly demotivated to continue in my field as a result. It's ironic that Memphis claims to have such a shortage of qualified talent in my field, yet they so consistently pay me shit for the work that I do and then refuse to raise it up to the proper level once they see what I can really do. Ah, but it isn't just Memphis that is doing that, apparently.

6. I used to be so fed up with the massive evil and corruption in America that I became apathetic about all the shit going on in this country. I would make jokes about it, but never believed that I could do anything. And then I decided to try to make a difference. I decided to try as hard as I could to make the changes, any changes, that need to be made happen. And so I threw myself up against the system, "the establishment" as the hippies called it, and found that there truly is nothing I can do, no difference that I can make, no good that won't be blocked by the system. The system is set up to funnel our tax dollars and our properties to evil crooks and no one else. It is not designed to give justice or solve problems. It is simply there for the benefit of the criminals in Nashville, in Washington, DC, in whatever capital there happens to be, and the friends, family members and business associates of those criminals. If you want to make a change for the better, you truly do need a revolution to do it. Those with our money and the power to confiscate it won't give any of it up without a bloody fight to the death. This is why our police departments have been increasingly militarized over the past many years, until we now have many police departments where the cops are virtually indistinguishable from special ops soldiers, snipers and assassins. The militarized cops' enemy, though, is us. And the more crooked and ineffectual our leaders become, the more cops there are and the more heavily armed and vicious.

7. I used to think I was the only person who was so angry and dissatisfied with our governments and all the corruption. I even wrote about it a few years back, about political parties sending me letters asking why I was no longer supporting them, and the angry responses I sent. And then a group of angry conservatives rose up and formed the Tea Party. Even though they were attacking the very politicians that our leftist media claims to hate, that same leftist media defended those politicians and attacked the Tea Party, giving even greater credibility to that Tea Party as genuine and truly a citizens revolt. Otherwise, why would the communists in our media hate it so much? As this was happening, I began hearing from people in the UK how dissatisfied they are, too, and how overbearing, controlling and corrupt their governments. Then Australia, with Julia's disastrous carbon tax. And now Canada, with people describing the very same situation that I described on my blog years ago, where political parties call or write to harass them for support. And they don't give their support anymore because they see how unresponsive and out-of-touch those party leaders are, and how little they actually do to help the very people who put them in power. And I wonder, is anyone happy right now, anyone who isn't gleefully ignorant and mentally retarded?

And now 15 blogs? Holy shit, I don't know if I have 15 blogs to point to, let alone 15 new blogs. I'll give it my best shot, but don't get upset if there aren't 15.

OK, I can't do 15 new blogs, but here are some good ones who all win this Versatile Blogger award from me:

Ute - Ute gives a unique perspective on Australia. And she loves the Australian ute.

Wandering Aimlessly - for some reason I can't leave comments on this blog, but it is brand new to me and worth checking out. Go have a look!

Gucci Mama - she will make you laugh with a snark that I admire. Snark is good. Snark keeps us all from going insane and shooting randomly into crowds while quoting lines from our favorite TV show.

ADW - she's not new, per se, but she was gone away for a long time and now she's come back. Talk about snark, she's the queen of snark. She's the Ex-Hooters Girl and she's a great read.

Ubermouth - there is Andy Dick crazy and then there is the kind of crazy where you don't know when they're joking and when they're not. I think Don Rickles was the king of this. Uber does Don Rickles in blog form. You really should check it out.

Miss Stormy Marples - she's brand spanking new and gives a new perspective on the world. Check it out.

AlleyCat - OK, this isn't a new blog, and it isn't new to me, but it's a good blog and she's a good blogger and you should go read and comment and say 'hello' from me. Cat is good people.

Cap'n John - He's an Australian man living in LA. go, visit, go.

JLee - sometimes it's private. Sometimes it's not. But it's always good. And she's the nicest person you'll talk to this year. Go say 'hi' and tell her she's a hottie.

Electro Kevin - Do you read Electro? Why not? He's living in the UK and enduring the aftermath of the policies of Tony Blair. Sometimes he'll tell you about what that's like and why it isn't fun. He once warned us here in America that we had just elected a black Tony Blair and that we'd regret it.

LX or XL - whichever one it is, he's a Texas man sharing a uniquely quiet Texan view of the world. He's very popular and for good reason. Go visit him and you'll see why everyone likes him.

Storm in a Teacup - Jen in Australia, oh so nice and a long time blogger. You can roll back through the years of her life in her blog posts. Go and visit Jen. You'll like her. Wish her g'day.

Chapter Two - a wife and mother begins a new phase in her life. Read along and begin it with her.

Fifi Dangerfield - most of the Aussie blogs I list in my blogroll are somewhere in the eastern half of the continent. Fifi lives in Perth, the Aussie version of California, but without the crazy, the botox, the illegal alien swarms, or the '60s hippies running the place into the ground. She's a beautiful lady. Go pay her a visit. You may never leave again once you've gone. We all go to Australia when we die, you know, unless we're bad, in which case we go to Detroit.

Kristine's Place - how can I post a list without including the lovely woman who gave me this award in the first place? Visit Kristine's Place. It's Canada in blog form. It's lovely and nice, just like Canada.

So I believe I have 15, some old, some new, all good and all for you.

Weekly News and Headlines

2011-08-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

Memphis principal murdered; Student arrested
You guys think I'm joking when I talk about how rough it is in Memphis? This school principal was murdered at a Seventh Day Adventist private school, not your usual gang-infested Memphis public school. Seventh Day Adventist is a black religion and everyone involved is likely heavily influenced by the economy murdering policies and politics of Barack Obama, but even so, a murder in a religious school in the Bible Belt is rarer than a heterosexual white male at a Ricky Martin concert.

John McCain calls Tea Party members "Hobbits"
For those who don't understand yet why a Tea Party has arisen amongst conservative and libertarian voters who otherwise would seem to be obvious Republicans, perhaps this attack on the Tea Party by former Republican presidential nominee and practical joke, John McCain, can serve to help clear things up a bit? There is a vast divide, a chasm larger than the width of the continental United States, between the average conservative citizen and the leaders of the Republican Party. The leaders of the party deny this, while tapping their feet in the stalls of the men's bathroom and seeking gay sexual trysts with teenaged boys, which they assume everyone does routinely because it's so common in DC. But the voters know differently and have been making substantial waves, shaking up things a bit in Washington, DC, a city filled with professional politicians who don't like any sort of controversy of any kind unless it hurts their opponents. Thus, you might think that a goofball like John McCain, a professional Senator from Arizona whom the Republican leadership thought highly enough of to run for president, might be smart enough to realize that insulting the entire Tea Party is to insult roughly 90 percent of his own voter base. But you would be wrong, because the top men in the Republican Party haven't got a clue who or what they are supposed to represent. And that's really all you need to know to understand what's happening with this story.

Newsweek attack on Bachmann so blatant John Stewart calls them out
In a shocking display of media objectivity, pretend journalist and real comedien John Stewart took a few shots at Newsweek and its "you-go-girl" feminist editor, Tina Brown, on his television fake news program for their blatant attack on Michelle Bachmann on the cover of their magazine. While Newsweek shamelessly denies that the ridiculous photo and "rage" headline beneath it was an obvious smear of the only female candidate currently in the running for President of the United States, and virtually every left-leaning news outlet rallies to their defense, to be called out on it by left-wing pretend journalist John Stewart is truly a blow to the already vanishing credibility of a once-great magazine that no one reads anymore.

President Obama throws Ramadan celebration while America melts down
President Obama is celebrating the end of the Ramadan fast by throwing a White House Ramadan party for all his closest Muslim brothers, even as the American financial situation, already dire, takes a turn for the worse. During the ceremony, Obama actually tried to include the Muslim terrorists as being among the victims, as if no one at all was flying the jets that attacked and murdered 4,000 Americas. He further declared the Islam has been a major American religion since the very beginning of America. While denying any Muslim faith of his own, Obama has had some difficulty in explaining why he requires Christian symbols either removed or covered when he visits Christian institutions such as Duke or Notre Dame. Some Muslims theorize that he is a dogmatic Marxist who merely feels kinship with those who similiarly hate America and wish all Christians dead, ie Muslims.

A Congressional Super Committee is to meet to discuss US debt
A US Congressional 'super committee' is scheduled to meet and discuss the crushing US debt created by "hope and change" president Obama and his Democrat supermajority which he enjoyed for his first 2 years in office, and which has resulted in S&P downgrading the US debt from AAA to AA+. It is expected that this 'super committee' will accomplish virtually nothing useful, as committees usually don't, and then will put off the truly hard cuts for a future date. This, in turn, will cause Moody's to also downgrade the US debt and markets to fall even further than they already have. Gold will rise, as will fear and panic. And then America will have its regularly scheduled nationwide elections at which time a lot of politicians are going to get fired. But the career crooks, as we saw with Harry Reid's odd and unbelievable electoral victory when he was clearly defeated, will somehow manage to find votes from the oddest of places (dead people, etc) and magically win despite no living and legal voter having cast a vote for them. After this, it will be business as usual in Washington DC and the stealing and looting of America's future will continue.

Eat it, bitches!

Monday Crash

2011-08-08T14:22:00.002-05:00

So it's Monday and the S&P had downgraded the American debt from our lofty lifetime AAA rating. Our very left-wing media is in a flutter about it, partly because it is a huge blow to their favorite deity, Barack Obama, and party because it puts a giant hurting on the economy of the city of New York, where most of our largest media corporations are headquartered. It's rare for the billionaires who manipulate our nation to suffer any real pain themselves, so the possibility that their blessed holy city might lose some of its luster really alarms them.

How is it that these people didn't see this coming? We were warned that it would happen if our politicians didn't work out some significant spending cuts, and after a long, drawn out meeting with lots of political grand-standing they didn't work out any spending cuts. They only worked out cuts to the increases in spending, which is simply saying, "we have agreed to spend less than we were going to above and beyond what we earn, but we are still going to keep spending more than we earn." They knew when they made that agreement that it would result in us losing our AAA credit rating. They already knew!

So it's 1987 again and our stock market is in free fall. It hasn't fallen as far as it did on a single day in 1987 simply because it had already begun falling immediately after our Congress and our President announced what they had agreed to. Everyone already knew what that agreement meant - disaster.

So here I sit watching my retirement investments going straight to hell and I'm alternately kicking myself for not bailing out of the market as soon as I heard what Congress agreed to and wondering if this is a good buying opportunity. Then again, considering that our current dominant political party has absolutely no intention of cutting its spending habits by one red cent I should probably be considering bailing anyway and just taking the losses I have currently rather than watching them get much, much worse.

Elections have consequences and I won - Obama said this to Republicans when they tried to stop him from spending us into oblivion. America's predominantly left-wing news media quoted him saying this because they were proud of him for telling off the 'right wing.' I wonder how proud they are now?

Elections have consequences and I won