Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't have a lot to say about Valentine's Day. But I do have a fill-in-the-blank challenge that I agreed to try. I originally stole it from Rory Bore and she took it from Hillary Grossman at Feeling Beachie. If you like it you are welcomed to give it a try, too.

Feeling Beachie

The statements:
  1. Valentines is            day of the year for ________
  2. Since Valentines is a sign of ______ I_________
  3. ____ with ____ is a great way to _____
  4.  Sometimes I ____ when I ____

And now for my answers:

1. Valentine's is the day of the year for cursing FTD as they always find some excuse to fuck up my flower order which is supposed to arrive at my wife's desk on Valentine's Day, but never does because they always made ridiculous claims like "your flowers are stuck in Dallas due to snow." Why would flowers for bound Memphis EVER be in Dallas in the first place?!

2. Since Valentine's is a sign of a woman's lower body, gleaming red with a flush of blood and thus signaling a desire for reproduction, I am all for it and enthusiastically celebrate this holiday as energetically as possible.

3. Drinking heavily, watching predictable love stories on DVD and snuggling under a blanket with Mrs Memphis is a great way to celebrate a holiday that is all about making single people feel horrible about their lives.

4. Sometimes I distrust FTD so much when I order flowers to be sent to the Mrs that I take off work to go home and decorate the entire house with balloons and hearts and ribbons so that even if the flowers don't arrive I am still covered and the Mrs doesn't feel neglected.

OK, that's my Valentine's contribution. I hope it's entertaining enough to inspire you. Or at the very least not to bore you. 


  1. I want some wings like that--

    Happy Valentine's Day.

    Well, fortunately, I woke up. Hahaha--all those meds last night "make" one very very very sleepy. The weekend is coming so it's ok.

    Today for some reason I have on mostly purple and I'm sparkling.

    Purple top. Purples undies. Purple nails with glitter. And sparkling bling on my ears. And my pearls.

    And because of this all of sudden cold I have that sexy throaty sound. If I could just hold onto the way my voice sounds, I would love it.

    Got to work at Coffeehouse tonight but we've been having fun up there. We left Valentine's Day cards' for our morning crew. And it was like we were in school again. We've got a great crew!!!

    Hope u and the Mrs. do something fun tonight.

    1. Stormy, so you like purple for Valentine's Day? I remember as a kid in middle school I discovered one of my older sister's porn books/trashy sex novels. It described every penis in the book as purple and throbbing, so I'm thinking purple is as much a sex color as red is. Is is inappropriate to wish someone a purple, throbbing Valentine's Day?

  2. Maybe something other than flowers next year? I don't think this holiday is supposed to be all dark and twisty because FTD never gets your order delivered. Or maybe it is all about the suspense... will they or won't they???

    1. Robin, with FTD more often than not is was "won't they" so I dropped them. I still have a stack of FTD $15 off cards they gave me every time they failed to deliver. Oddly enough their own website won't accept those cards so instead of an apology they are another slap in the face.

  3. #2 I think you are a very wise man to throw your Full Attention and Energy into this holiday. I bet more men would get some if they didn't treat it like "Hallmark made me do it" day.
    really? our asses look like hearts when we lay like that? hmmm.... no wonder the Mister gets all excited when I am reading on the bed.
    Happy Heart and Successful Flower Delivery Day! ;)

    1. RoryB, the first time I noticed that women's butts look like upside down hearts was the 6th grade. All the girls were suddenly developing curves and my hormones were boiling over. So basically, Valentines are all about ass, giving it and getting it. :-)

  4. OK. I'll play.

    1) Valentines is the day of the year for stores to have all the Valentine's Day things removed so when you go in to buy last minute things, all they have is St. Patrick's Day and Easter things.

    2) Since Valentines is a sign of stores charging ten times as much for flowers and candy and jewelry in order to exploit and rip off people who will go broke because they just want to make someone they love feel special, I will make them triple bag everything I buy in their store for the rest of the year and make sure they know why.

    3) Following some self-centered looking guy to the check out line (while he is accompanied by his girl, for whom he is buying flowers and trying to impress with what he is spending), whilst you are purchasing an even larger, fancier and more expensive floral arrangement is a great way to assure that she will think that he's cheap and she's not as important and that he ain't gonna be getting anything from her tonight.

    4) Sometimes I forget where I live when I am driving home with the candy and flowers.

    (Lame perhaps. Let me down a few more beers and maybe I can be more creative).

    I recall two of my most favorite "romantic" cards I have ever seen. One had the caption on the front "I'd walk a thousand miles for one of your kisses". Inside the card it said "I'd walk a MILLION miles for that little thing you do with your tongue". Another card had a picture of two lovers walking down the beach at sunset. In a romantic looking script it said "Our love is like the sea". On the inside it said "When I'm on the bottom, I can't breathe".

    Happy Valentine's Day. Here is a romantic video. Enjoy!

    1. P.S. From your one of your recent blogs. Regarding someone to represent "Red". About the reference in my comments on Ellen Page. Figures that right after I mentioned that, I read that she feels the entire world should know she is is gay.

      I'll tell you what. Let Miley Cyrus be "Red". Let the wolf eat her (as in supper, not as in an NFL player or Ellen Page). Let the wolf do that early in the first chapter. You won't even have to write any more chapters. It will still be a best seller.

      Oh, for a sure thing, let the wolf have Justin Beaver for dessert.

    2. Bronx, I like your Valentines cards, especially the one about being on the bottom and not able to breathe. HA HA!

      Yeah, I saw the Ellen Page headline and I just skipped the story altogether. I don't want to know who all is gay and I don't see any legitimate reason for constantly bombarding us with that information. The media is dominated by gays and they are the only ones who care about who is gay and who isn't. They don't care about doing their jobs and just reporting actual news that is news to us all.

  5. Happy Valentine's Day! All the chocolate I've eaten today has sucked away my wittiness, so I'll leave the answers to the big boys today. Thankfully, hubby doesn't get me any flowers for the day, so we don't have to get all pissed off when they don't show. Or if they do show, they always look like shit. Never what you see on the computer, that's for sure. And those jacked up prices for the day are super disturbing for something that is going to die in a week.

    1. TheresaM, the flowers I ordered this year are the best ones yet. She's super excited about them. They arrived unbloomed, or whatever, and then really opened up after we put them in water. We have better luck with non-FTD orders.

  6. Am I to guess FTD isn't your favorite at this moment?

    1. Hilary, I have a stack of FTD $15 gift cards. They give me one every time they fail to deliver and I have tons. Adding to the fun, those cards aren't accepted on the FTD website. I'm not really sure how they're supposed to be helpful. If FTD doesn't accept them, who do they think does? So to answer your question, no, FTD is not my favorite.


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