Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Thursday Things I Think About

1) You can't make someone write a book about their life, no matter how interesting it may be. All you can do is write your own book. Mine would be really boring and have a lot of grammatical errors.



2) You can't make someone interested in modeling no matter how pretty their face. And it's usually creepy to mention it to them anyway, unless you have a camera in your hand and a better-looking model with you at the time. It's funny how girls don't mind being asked to model if you've already got a model with you, but otherwise they look at you like you're a serial rapist or something. And just for the record, I am not a serial rapist. I just can't give that kind of commitment right now.



3) Each time my heart is broken it goes back together differently. And each time I have to put my heart back together again, there are more cracks, more leaks, where the love just slips right through and I feel less and less like I can survive going through it all again.

4) It is possible to love yourself so much that you have no room left in your heart to love anyone else. It is possible, but it is not good.

5) Sometimes I still talk to Spiky.

6) If death is not the end, what is?

7) It has been a hard revelation, but I have come to realize that I simply do not understand the current generation that is in their 20s. They seem to make and break relationships at the drop of a hat, seemingly at random, placing no value whatever on friends. Facebook is real life to them. Drop or Block means you are gone and if I see you on the street I will not say 'hello' to you. And they see nothing wrong with this. It is as casual as I would say "see you later" to a friend of mine as I was leaving their house. The only difference is, I would expect to see my friend again. This generation, they really don't seem to care about that. Show up, don't show up, love me today and leave me tomorrow, disappear forever - it's all the same. I don't know how anyone can live like that. I don't want to.

8) I have never hurt as much as I have lately. And the hurt just keeps on coming.

9) My concept of God has become all turned around. In church they talk like God is right here standing next to you, taking care of you. Then they show you in the Bible where it says he's gone away and we are on our own, living in a world of suffering and death. Then they tell you to follow the example set by Jesus. Then they pray to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, but Jesus only ever prayed to God the Father, not himself or any spirit. They pray for things like healing and help, yet I can't think of one example where Jesus asked God for help and then waited to see if help came. He just said "I wish you wouldn't make me go through this" and then he went through it, pain and suffering and all. God didn't save him and he didn't seem to expect God to. Why do we pray? Does God really do anything or is it just like sending him an email which he never responds to? I don't know anymore.

10) Sometimes I still talk to Steph.

The Making of the 2010 Pirelli Calendar by Terry Richardson from Rafael Rubira fashion4fun.com.br sent to me by Unique Stephen

* Please don't ask me for their contact information. I can't give it out.

The Questions Galore Meme - part 1

In case you weren't aware, I am almost totally lacking in inspiration for blogging lately. The suckage level of my life has reached a new high, but my desire to talk about it has reached a new low. So I stole this meme instead.

From Catch Her In The Wry who got it from Sunday Stealing:

1. Is there someone in your life you know you’d be better off without?
I'm not sure. I tried to get rid of most of those people. There are still one or two I haven't finished reevaluating yet.

2. Do you get criticized because of your body?
Not out loud, but you know how college girls are. You can see their thoughts in their faces as their mouths are silently forming the word "ewwww."



3. Did you kiss the last person you called?
I can't even recall the last time I made a telephone call. I mostly just text these days. Or email.

4. When was the last time you danced?
No one considers the movements I make to music to actually be dancing. I think they call it "are you alright?"



5. Do you keep in mind other people’s feelings?
Usually, unless they are extraordinarily stupid, in which case I simply try to avoid them altogether and to hell with their feelings.

6. If you have a hang nail, do you pull it or clip it?
I get a hammer, pound it into the wall, and hang a picture from it. That's what 'hang' nails are for, silly.

7. Who do you want to forget?
Myself for a little while. Maybe a long while.

8. Who was the last person to send you a letter?
The Wall Street Journal begging me not to let my subscription expire and also to please send them a ridiculous amount of money. This is a game we play every year where they try to rob me blind and I let my subscription expire before they finally give me a decent price.



9. Who did you last tell to shut up?
Probably someone on the television who couldn't hear me.



10. What’s the last thing that you smelt that smelt bad?
I'm not a smelter myself, but my father used to smelt lead into bullets. My sense of smell is virtually nonexistent. Some say this is why my life is so sad. But earlier today I was dragged into a Yankee Candle store and I believe my lack of strong smelling abilities probably saved my life in there.

11. What’s your favorite cereal?
Lucky Charms, which I haven't eaten in forever.

12. How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you?
You mean how do I feel right now? Hopeless. Angry. Betrayed.



13. Could you live without sunlight?
I don't know, Memphis is pretty damned dark and I've been here far longer than I ever expected to be. Apparently hell is a dark place and I've survived it so far.

14. What’s something you know is bad, but you want to do it anyway?
What isn't? Anything worth doing is usually bad.

15. What was the last thing you lied about?
Is smiling when you actually feel like dying a lie? I suppose I lied about feeling OK when I really don't.



16. Do you regret anything you’ve done in the past week?
Nothing has come my way in the past week worth regretting, so no.

17. What was the last movie you bought?
I bought the PBS special "Prohibition". You might argue that it isn't a movie, but I would then lie and say it is and tell you to "shut up." Then I would have to go back and redo parts of this meme and include you.

18. What is a sport you would like to do?
I've recently had people encouraging me to do a triathlon or two and I'm thinking it over.

19. When was the last time you felt like crying?
Today. Tonight. Tomorrow.

20. Have you ever wanted to kill someone (not that you actually do it)?
Yeah, just haven't done it yet.

Memphis Fairy Tales : Goldilocks and the Three Bears

The Three Bears

Once upon a time there were three bears - Papa Bear, Mama Bear and wee little Baby Bear.

All three of the Bears were great big and fat, as they lived in America and ate way too much fried food while watching reality shows on TV all day long.

The Bears never exercised and only ever left their house to go to work or WalMart for food or cheap crap from China that they really didn't need, but weren't going to be able to use for very long anyway, because cheap Chinese crap always breaks before too long.

One day, while Mama Bear was heating up a pot pie in the microwave, Papa Bear was watching men dressed in pink tutus play professional football on television, and Baby Bear was glued to his computer playing a computer game, in walked a little blonde girl named Goldilocks.


Goldilocks
Goldilocks was from Bavaria and didn't eat fried food much at all. She rarely watched television, which was just as well because Bavaria doesn't have very many stupid reality shows on their channels anyway. And she had to walk uphill everywhere she went, which kept her slim and pretty and in great physical shape.

But one thing Goldilocks and the rest of the people from Bavaria did a lot of was to drink beer. She drank big old glass mugs filled with beer. And not the cheap, watery American beer that Papa Bear drank, either. She drank good old Bavarian Oktoberfest-style beer, loaded with alcohol, hops and barley, and good for whatever ails ya.

On this fine day, Goldilocks had drank a whole lot of beer before going for a 10 mile walk just for the fun of it. She was a little tipsy and a lot lost.

"Hallo, wo zur Hölle bin ich?" Goldilocks said aloud in a thick Bavarian accent as she stood just inside the Bears house, which means, "Hello, where the hell am I?". But none of the Bears could hear her, because the microwave was humming, the TV was blaring the sounds of football, and the computer speakers blasting laser sound effects and big soundcard enhanced explosions.



So she walked into the living room where Papa Bear and Baby Bear both were and said it again, "wo zur Hölle bin ich?" Still, no one answered because they did not hear her.

Goldilocks was very hungry, having walked far more than 10 miles because she got lost in the woods. So, being a little drunk, and very Germanic, she decided to just go ahead and make herself something to eat. The Bears didn't seem to mind her being in their house, and they sure were very rude, so why not?



Goldilocks walked into the kitchen just as Mama Bear took her freshly microwaved pot pie and walked out the other door at the opposite end. She began searching the refrigerator until she found a box containing some Kentucky Fried Chicken left over from the Bears supper the night before.

"Mmm, huhn schmeckt gut!" she said, which means, "mmm, chicken will taste good!" And she popped the whole box into the microwave and began heating it up.


Food!

Ding! In a few short minutes the chicken was warm and ready to eat, so Goldilocks sat down at the kitchen table and ate it all, stopping only long enough to go the refrigerator and pour herself a glass of milk to go with it.

After eating all the chicken, Goldilocks decided to go into the den where the Bear family was to ask if they might tell her where she was and how to find her way home again.


Where am I?
"Wollen sie bitte sagen Sie mir, wo ich bin?" she said as she walked into the room and stood beside the couch where Papa Bear and Mama Bear were both sitting and staring like zombies at the Pepsi commercial on the TV. The commercial was very loud, and Papa Bear had just paid Best Buy to install a new home theater sound system that could vibrate a Bear right off the couch with the deep digitally-enhanced sound the speakers produced. Papa Bear didn't hear her. Neither did Mama Bear. And Baby Bear had put on his headphones because Mama Bear complained that his computer game was too loud and distracting her from the TV. So he didn't hear Goldilocks either.

Tired and frustrated, and a little bit drunk, Goldilocks sat down in a chair next to the couch. The chair was a cheap Chinese knock-off of an antique Victorian chair and had almost no padding at all.


This chair is too hard!
"Guter Herr, dieser Stuhl ist zu hart!" Goldilocks exclaimed.

So she moved to another chair. But she fell into it like a fat man sitting on a giant marshmallow, sinking in until her feet came up off the floor.

Mein Gott, dieser Stuhl ist zu weich! she said, and stood up again with great effort.

She went and sat in the chair in front of the computer, where Baby Bear had been sitting before he had to get up and go use the bathroom. He had been drinking Cokes all morning long while playing his game and was nearly bursting before he reluctantly left his seat.


This chair is just right
"Schließlich, ein Stuhl, ist bequem." Goldilocks said, relieved.

But just as she was getting comfortable, Baby Bear returned and without even looking at her, nearly sat on top of her before unpausing his game and returning to mindless play. Goldilocks had to jump out of his way to avoid being squashed under the fat little bear.

"Sie bären sind sehr unhöflich!" Goldilocks exclaimed angrily. But Baby Bear had returned his headphones to his head, and Mama and Papa Bear were too caught up in the surround sound enhanced noises of the pink football game to hear her.

Exhausted now, Goldilocks decided to go find a place to lie down. Clearly she wasn't going to be getting home anytime soon if she had to rely on the help of the Bears. So she might as well get some sleep.


Goldilocks went upstairs to sleep
She walked upstairs and found 1 large open room with 3 beds. She thought to herself that it was no surprise The Bears only had 1 child with sleeping arrangements like these.

She threw herself down on the first bed she came to, which was Papa Bear's bed. It was the hardest, most uncomfortable bed she had ever been on.


Ouch, that bed is too hard and it hurts!
"Autsch, ist das bett hart wie ein stein!" Goldilocks shouted, finding the bed so hard that she wondered if she might have injured herself.

Next she tried Mama Bear's bed, a big pink fluffy mountain of decorative pillows, comforters, afghans, and stuffed dolls. She sank into it like Jello, with all the decorative pillows and stuffed dolls falling in on top of her.


This bed is ridiculous. I feel like I'm stuffed inside a burrito!
"Das bett ist lächerlich. Ich fühle mich wie ich in ein burrito gefüllt bin," Goldilocks exclaimed.

With great effort, Goldilocks managed to climb out of the sunken mass of feminine decoration and fluff. In frustration she threw decorative pillows across the room. Then she walked to the last bed, Baby Bear's bed. It was shaped like a racecar and had Speedracer sheets.

She plopped down on the bed and fell right onto a plastic racecar, which jabbed her in the abdomen and made her curse with pain, "gibt verdammt, es ein normales Bett im Plenum dumm?!"

She threw the racecar across the room, hitting the wall and breaking it. Then she got up and began looking around the room. That's when she noticed the old fashioned telephone sitting on the table between Papa Bear and Mama Bear's beds.


A telephone!
"A telefon, Gott sei dank!" she exclaimed as she ran over to the telephone, picked it up and dialed home.

10 minutes later, Goldilocks' father pulled up outside the house. His caller ID had given him the telephone number Goldilocks was calling from, and Googling the number gave him the address. Goldilocks was SO happy to see him.


Dad is here!
Seeing her father's car, Goldilocks ran downstairs and straight out the front door, slamming it behind her.


Don't slam the door!
"Don't slam the door!" Papa Bear grumbled without looking away from the TV.


Who are you talking to?
"Who are you talking to, dear?" Mama Bear asked, seeing Baby Bear still sitting at the computer playing his game.

"Hmm?" Papa Bear asked.

But Mama Bear didn't hear him. She was distracted by a commercial for a new diet Dr. Pepper drink.

Goldilocks jumped happily into her father's car, shut the door, and away for home they went.


Goldilocks goes home
"Diese Amerikaner sind extrem behaarten und fett," she said, smiling at her father who was very relieved to have found her. He just laughed.

And they lived happily ever after.

Rainy Tuesday

I just watched the Republican presidential debates in Nevada. All I really have to say about tonight's debates is this:

Rick Santorum seems like he's flailing, panicking. He's barely in this race and he's fighting for his life. It shows.

Ron Paul hasn't changed a bit. His message appeals to the same people that it appealed to from the beginning, but it just isn't enough. He's overly simplistic on complex issues and explains very little. Whether you like him or dislike him, agree or disagree, he's not going to make it.

Herman Cain is stronger now than he ever was. When this all started he seemed like a side show to me, but he has grown stronger and more convincing over time. He's likable and believable. He's for real.

Mitt Romney has also grown stronger. He's soothing the concerns of many who disliked or distrusted him at first, and successfully stiff-armed Rick Perry's efforts to tackle him. Rick Santorum is the only other candidate consistently taking shots directly at Romney, but they have been largely ineffective and easy for Romney to brush off without missing a beat.

Rick Perry is still one of the main candidates, clearly, but he's so busy swinging at Romney that he hasn't done as good a job as he needs to make a case for himself and why he should be our next president.

Newt Gingrich, when he gets to speak at all, seems a lot more reasonable and level-headed, especially in contrast to the three-way brawl between Mitt and The Ricks. But he hasn't sparked any excitement for his campaign beyond that which existed when he started. He sounds like a better candidate now than before, but I'll be surprised if he's able to hang in this battle through to November.

Michelle Bachmann didn't do nearly as well tonight as she did last time I heard her. She has apparently been coached to always spend half her time stating what her plan is and why she would make the best president rather than fully answering whatever question was posed to her. I think that's a mistake because it irritates people when a direct question is asked of her and she repeatedly fails to answer it fully. Even worse, she's taken to directing her answers only to women. That alienates all the male voters, me included, and guarantees that she won't win.

Huntsman failed to participate in this debate at all and as far as I'm concerned that's just as well. He's simply not a contender. Hell, he's not even a conservative.

---

Remember the Delorean, the stainless steel tank from the movie Back to the Future? Well, it's back. Sort of. The company is bringing the car back, but this time as an electric car. They say their electric Delorean makes 260 hp and will reach a maximum speed of 125 mph. Why anyone would want to take a giant stainless steel car and make it all-electric is a mystery to me. One of the biggest drawbacks to the Delorean was also one of its selling points - it is made entirely of stainless steel, which weighs a freakin' ton. My 1971 Monte Carlo was rated at about 260 hp when new. I can personally attest to the fact that it will do 125 mph. But it isn't made of stainless steel and it isn't powered by batteries. I'd be curious to learn more about this electric motor and whether or not it is really all electric or perhaps a combination of gas and electric powered. I think 260 hp is too little power for a car as big and heavy as this, and at a projected cost of $100,000 per car, I don't think there is a market for it.

---

Wall Street's protesters are still at it, mostly because there aren't any jobs available to distract them with responsibilities. They are now complaining that the New York cops are guilty of using brutality against them. I'm not sure where they've been for the past many years, but over in New Jersey, 2 cops handcuffed a man who wasn't committing any crimes and wasn't being arrested, then while one officer held him against a glass window by his throat, the other officer, a female, punched him in the testicles. THAT is police brutality and THAT has been going on for a very long time without any of those assholes currently shitting on police cars in New York City saying one word of protest against it. So yes, the New York City police are almost certainly using some very dirty and vicious tactics against the protesters. If you think that's wrong, protest it everywhere you see it, not just while you are rioting on Wall Street for a cause you don't even understand.

---

By the way, I pulled many of the hyperlinks for the stories I wrote about from Yahoo, and Yahoo seems to be totally fucked up today so if the links don't work, I apologize.


WTF Grandpa??

Here's how it's done ...

Monday Morning Revelations - GOP Piles On Tea Party

Demo and Repub party leaders - they all look alike to me
Apparently there was a bit of a political earthquake last Friday when Republican Party 'leaders' got together with New York Times Magazine reporters and openly shit on their own voters, better known as "The Tea Party".

You may recall a few months ago when Michelle Bachmann soundly trounced all her competition in a straw poll following the Republican debates, I wrote that she would be a much better president than the Party Leader 'blessed' candidate, Mitt Romney, solely because Mitt appears to have sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the Party Leaders blessing and money. I also commented that I felt certain those Nazi cunts would do everything in their power to sabotage her or anyone who didn't sign a blood oath to hand over their soul.

According to the article, Republican Party Leaders feel that the entrance of Rick Perry of Texas has done that job quite effectively, shifting Bachmann's supporters to him and away from her, as they desired. They also feel that even if Perry were to beat Their Golden Boy, Romney, he would still be better than anyone from the Tea Party because he is nothing more than a cynical politician who will gladly betray his constituents in order to please his Republican Overlords who have lived in the Washington DC Bubble for almost their entire lives. In other words, they feel that either Romney or Perry will do simply because both men are treacherous political fucks who won't have a problem making empty promises to the voters, only to turn around and break every single one of those promises as soon as they get into office, if asked to do so by the Party Leaders. Sound familiar?


Senator Palpatine
This is beginning to sound more and more like something out of Star Wars, with an Evil Senator secretly being The Dark Lord and using his position to gain absolute power, betray all his closest allies, and generally screw everyone.


Christie
This is also why they tried so hard to convince New Jersey liberal Chris Christie to enter the race, because they felt that he would further dilute the choices and help them eliminate current Tea Party candidate and front-runner, Herman Cain.

In previous blog posts I commented on conservative voters sending a very clear message to the Republican Party Leaders in the disastrous-for-Republicans elections of both 2006 and 2008 stating that they were sick and tired of being bent over and fucked up the ass in a shameless betrayal every time Republicans gained control with conservative citizen support, and so the conservative citizens were no longer willing to vote for their phony candidates. This and this alone handed the entire US Congress and the White House to the Democratic Party, enabling the new communist party known as the Democrats to totally crash the economy into the ditch. Considering the reputation of Republican leaders as being rich corporate lawyers who make their fortunes from business and the stock market, you might think, if that stereotype is true, that the resulting plunge in the value of their own investments following this citizen uprising might have gotten their attention and made them 'come to Jesus' about their constant treachery.

You might think that, but you'd be wrong.

Instead, these Republican Party Leaders, true to form for a personality disorder, have thrown a gigantic temper tantrum, even meeting openly with Democratic Party Leaders in order to plot together how to stamp out the citizen uprising like a bunch of British redcoats trying to slaughter the unruly Colonist Rebels. It seems that they prefer being perpetually subordinate to the Democratic Party and always in the minority due to lack of voter support. They prefer being the submissive party in Washington over listening to The People and actually doing what the voters they are supposed to represent have clearly stated that they want. A lifetime in a bubble will do that to a person, apparently, and these fucks have been eating caviar and playing golf with rich Democrats in that bubble for a very long time, all while tapping their feet in mens room stalls and engaging in homosexual intercourse with young boys in private.

It's time to burst that bubble and drag all these assholes kicking and screaming out of Washington, returning them forcibly to their private estates and plantations where they can retire from public life and stay the hell out of our business. I don't know that this is ever going to happen unless we fight really fucking hard, mind you, but if it doesn't happen then you can kiss this country goodbye. Take a hard look at Europe's troubles, with the most out-of-touch leaders in the world, as a clear indication of the future that awaits America, if we don't kick these arrogant elitist shits out of Washington. And if Europe is beyond your understanding, take a look at the Dallas Cowboys with their perpetually interfering and micromanaging team owner, Jerry Jones, and you'll see a fine example of what is wrong in Washington. Dallas hasn't won anything of note since coach Jimmy Johnson quit in the mid 1990s after growing sick of dealing with megalomaniac Jones and his gigantic ego.

Really, Really Random Thoughts

Just Wrong

1) Couldn't God conceivably just cancel the Earth and everything on it, like some bad TV show that people have quit watching? Don't you think He's got some other planet somewhere he's been messing with and finds more interesting? What if Earth is the MySpace of God's world and somewhere He's got a planet Facebook? And more recently, a planet Google+ which He doesn't fully understand yet, but has been messing around with just to see if it's any good?


What if God prefers Google Earth?

2) If I had known how dull and pointless my life was going to be, I probably would have gotten into a lot more trouble when I was younger.


Trouble

3) I'm struggling to give a flying fart about football this season. Men in pink don't exactly inspire me. And when players knee other players in the testicles and aren't even ejected from the game, let alone kicked out of the league entirely, I just lose all respect for the sport. Hell, I might as well be watching soccer with all the unmanly gayness.


Unmanly gayness

4) I have clearly been away from heavy weightlifting for too long. Oh, I know I've been sick, but even so, I went out into the garage to see how many chin-ups I could still do and I almost did one. Yeah, WTF?


Chin up Fail

5) Five seconds ago, Michelle Bachmann was the candidate to beat and all set to unseat Mitt Romney as the GOP presidential candidate. I turn my head for a moment and suddenly it's this guy, Cain, the pizza CEO. What happened?


What happened??

6) I was just over visiting an Aussie blog when I noticed she had done one of those "100 Things About Me" posts. I did one several years ago and began thinking about doing another one. I thought for about 30 seconds and realized there aren't 100 things about me worth talking about, let alone writing down and asking others to slog through. So, of course, I started trying to write it anyway, got way off course, and ended up writing this instead.



7) I was flipping channels earlier when I saw Jay Leno doing jokes about Obama having no hope of getting reelected and Mitt Romney already measuring the White House for new drapes. I was surprised. I thought all of LA was so politically correct that the very thought of Obama not being reelected was taboo to even mention. And then he did some fairly pro Chick-Fil-A bits. The gay power crowd absolutely hates Chick-Fil-A. Once again, I thought no one in LA would dare cross the PC Priestesses like that. What's happened to Jay Leno? Has he started to think twice about the Hollywood mindset or is he just wealthy enough now that he doesn't give a damn?


Leno got money

8) Speaking of President Obama, a lot of Americans are noticing that since the passage of Obamacare into law, without anyone reading it first, suddenly all these government agencies are trying to tell us that we don't need any testing for cancers and vitamins are bad and basically everything that modern societies do to maintain their health should not be done anymore. We should all let our health go and die as soon as possible. Because apparently Obamacare is so damned expensive that unless we implement a "Logan's Run" policy of killing everyone after age 30, we are going to go totally bankrupt in a New York minute. I can't tell you how inspiring it is to have our own government using our tax dollars to encourage us to kill ourselves. I always knew the Hard Left was very pro-death and pro-destruction, but this is ridiculous.


Obamacare

9) All of a sudden, it seems as if everyone is pregnant. All around me, women I know are pregnant. And when I turn on the TV, all the women on TV are pregnant, too. Emily Deschanel, of the show "Bones", is pregnant this season. Christina Applegate had a baby unexpectedly last year, made a TV series about it, and now has a hit show about trying to work and take care of her new baby at the same time. Jennifer Aniston, the woman who promised to have kids with Brad Pitt, then reneged, and ended up divorced because of it, is now said to be pregnant. Someone put nude photos of a very pregnant Jessica Alba out on the internet just last month. And I look pregnant after missing 3 weeks of gym time. What's up with that?


Alba

10) The guy who hacked Scarlett Johansson's cell phone and released 2 nude photos of her has finally been caught. He says he's relieved because he couldn't stop himself once he started. The FBI says he's a criminal and may be sentenced to as much as 121 years once all the criminal counts against him are put together. That's 121 years longer than Mary Winkler served for murdering her husband in cold blood, by the way. The FBI said he's bad. Everyone else says he's a hero. We've wanted to see Scarlett's boobies for a long, long time.


Blessed Scarlett Johansson

Monday

It's still Monday here, although technically it's around midnight so I'm pushing it.

I don't know what to say at this point. The blog is either in a dramatic decline, or else the whole world is on vacation. My last post generated a grand total of 0 comments and I can't say I feel terribly motivated to put hours into another post after that. I guess all I really want to know is, is anyone still reading or can I retire this bitch and go to bed?


Hey, Steve Jobs died. I can't say it was totally unexpected, but it was much sooner than I expected. He only just stepped down from Apple due to his health. I thought he had a lot longer than he did. Where are all the cool Apple toys going to come from now?


The kids running around naked on Wall Street and calling it a protest have finally made their way to Washington DC. Thank God! I thought they'd never get there. If you're going to go apeshit and bring a city to a stand still, the best city to bring to a dead stop is DC. Honestly, the less that gets done in DC, the better.


This past weekend I went to hear my neighbors' band play. The following is basically my entire thought process from throughout the night:

"I'm exhausted. I don't know if I'm going to make it. Well, once I get there, I know I'll have fun. I just have to get to the bar and sit my tired butt down. Ah, $5 cover charge. Lovely. Good thing I still have some cash on me because normally I have none. Where is everyone? Ah, there they are. It feels so good to sit down. I wish these chairs were La-Z-Boys so I could prop my feet up. Hey, that's a new song. I haven't heard them play that before. Is that a new guitar? I haven't seen him play a Telecaster before. Where's the Strat? Gloss black with nice humbuckers. That's some money, right there. Is that a new bass, too? I honestly can't remember what bass he used to have if that is new. It seems new to me, though. Holy crap, are the drums new, too? Is anyone playing the same instrument? How long has it been since I last saw them play?! Well, that's the same Gibson. That's one hell of a guitar. Hey, transmitter! No more guitar cord. That's cool! Where is my beer? I really need something to drink, even if it's just water, hurry the hell up, please. Ah, finally. I really don't think she wants to dance, but I'll ask. You can't imagine how tired we both are. You've been sick? So have I. Man, whatever is going around has been kicking my ass. You don't look sick. You look great, like always. When I'm sick, boy can you tell it. I look like hell. Then again, look at me and then look at you. I feel like I'm doing a scene from "Superbad" here when the fat guy tried to ask out the redhead girl, Jules. Wow, there is a lot fewer people in here than there used to be. If you want to check the state of the economy, just take a look around the bars. People can't even afford to go out for a beer anymore."


Look at you. Then look at me.

So I was sick Sunday and into Monday. I still made it into work, but I only worked half a day because of it. I really don't know what this is, but it's killing me.


I went to a bookstore this weekend and somehow managed to walk out with $140 worth of magazines and a board game. Anyone besides me remember the game Stratego? Well anyway, I bought it. That was about $40 of my $140 bill, but even so, that's a buttload of magazines and a book or two. Mostly I bought guitar magazines and a few about writing, although I'm not sure why. Somehow I walked in expecting to be there for about 5 minutes and ended up spending 2 hours looking around and spending way too much money, apparently.


What else? Oh, the Denver Broncos benched quarterback Kyle Orton and put in Tim Tebow. I didn't see the game, but last time I checked out Kyle Orton he was a great QB. I wonder what happened?

Anyway, that's it. I'm going to bed.

Bustice - E3 2012 - Comedy

More News and Commentary

I go to WalMart Hospital

Study: Worst hospitals treat larger share of poor

Yes, this is how it works. This is why you don't want to be poor. When you're poor, you get the worst medical care because you don't pay anything for it. You get the worst drug dealers because you can't afford the buy good drugs. You get the worst restaurants and businesses in your neighborhood because you can't afford to buy good stuff and also they keep getting robbed. This is why you want to be rich, so you can afford better things. Otherwise, why would anyone strive to better themselves? Why make the effort if you live just as well as the rich without doing a thing?


Whoops!

Mass. official who performed bra trick resigns

A school board office who does magic tricks at the start of ever meeting was forced to resign after raving feminists flew into a religious hissy fit over a trick he did that created the illusion that he had removed the bra of a female board member. No one was fooled by the trick, but you know how it is with dogmatic radicals, they have absolutely no sense of humor at all. And Massachusetts is just about the worst state in the US for this kind of religious feminist hysteria.


Are you ready for some socialism?!

Williams apologizes for Hitler-Obama analogy

ESPN has yanked Hank Williams Jr's "Monday Night Football" song after he compared Obama to Hitler on another network. His comments had absolutely nothing to do with football, and a great many football fans agree with what he said or at least think it was funny, but ESPN is owned by the pedophiles of Disney, and they love Obama as if he were their very own momma. They don't practice tolerance on any level. They're like France in that regard, totally fascist. They fired Williams the next day.


Protesting the company that makes Mace

‘It’s a dream-sharing’: Can Occupy Wall Street spark a broad-based movement?

A broad based movement representing what exactly? None of the people running naked up and down Wall Street even understand what it is that they're protesting, let alone what the actual problems are. Unless just randomly protesting anything and everything that those specific individuals don't understand qualifies as a 'movement' this is nothing more than a shameless stunt where a bunch of narcissists draw attention to themselves and pretend it has some meaning. It's like when Sean Penn went to New Orleans and helped absolutely not one single person while floating around in an boat with a camera crew.


Harry Reid supporting the Obama 'jobs' bill

Reid: ‘Even the tea party’ supports 5 percent tax increase on millionaires

The problem here is that Senator Reid thinks the "Tea Party" is a bunch of billionaire's wives who meet at a country club in Washington DC and discuss ways to help Harry Reid get re-elected. He has no idea what the fuck he's talking about, as usual.


Harry Reid opposing the Obama 'jobs' bill

Reid Blocks Obama Jobs Bill Vote

And then he goes and does this. The very bill Harry Reid claims the Tea Party supports, the bill earlier today he said Republicans oppose because they want people to suffer and be poor, he himself killed. This is a man suffering from schizophrenia.