I Keel Yew

Over the course of history, people have used the names of various deities, leaders and/or celebrities as an excuse for doing evil shit that they already wanted to do anyway. The following is a list of the top 5 names people have given as an excuse for their evil deeds:

1) Karl Marx - you wouldn't think that the world would be so heavily rocked with mass murder and general oppression done in the name of a dude named "Karl", but the fact is, this is indeed what has happened. Over the past 100 plus years more people have been murdered, raped, tortured, beaten, robbed and generally enslaved in the name of the beliefs of Karl Marx than any other being. This is partly due to population increases which have made mass killings far worse in recent history than was even possible in the past. I'd list the details and math explaining this, but I don't feel like it, so go look it up yourself, you lazy bastards.

2) Allah - his name sounds like Alan Alda, but it is, in fact, not the same guy. Allah is the god of the Muslim world. A man said to be a prophet of Allah, named Mohamed, declared that it is the obligation of all good Muslims to kill anyone who does not believe in Allah and follow Islam. Thus, over 1000 years ago a mass killing began in which the religion of Islam spread throughout the East through conquest and mass murder. This mass killings in the name of Islam continued for over 1000 years. Europe itself was nearly conquered and all of Christianity nearly wiped out by the murdering crusades of the Muslims.

3) God/Jehovah - self-loathing and xenophobic Western atheists like to claim that more people have been killed in the name of God than any other, but that is incorrect. God only comes in third, and then only barely so. Aside from the Crusades, very few wars have had much of anything to do with Jehovah God (or Jesus) and most of those were very limited in scope and population of people involved. Even when you add in Jewish killings listed in the Old Testament of the Bible it doesn't add up to much. There simply weren't that many people around to kill back then. Today, Western governments don't kill in the name of God. They kill in the name of the investments and interests of various rich people behind the scenes whom we never see and rarely hear about except in conspiracy theories mumbled in bars.

4) Oprah - Mary Winkler, Aileen Wurnos, Andrea Yates, Amy Bishop, Bambi Bembenek, the list of female killers goes on and on. Other than being female, all of the most infamous female killers of the late 20th century and early 21st century had one thing in common: they loved Oprah. They may not have shouted "Oprah be praised" as they committed their atrocities, but it was the madness she drove them to with her insanely stupid show that is believed to be behind their transformation into spotlight-seeking, bloodthirsty monsters.

5) The ShamWow Guy - hour after hour, day in and day out, this sinister figure appears on TV screen after TV screen, shouting and screaming about the ShamWow and his nuts. On the surface, he seems harmless, if not extremely annoying. But psychologists say there is a deeply hidden hostility in his voice that resonates with other damaged people, setting them off like time bombs, leading them to buy the indestructible ShamWow and use it as a garrote for strangling people to death. The ShamWow murder spree is not openly discussed in the media, but police and the Justice Department have been working feverishly to get these ads off the air and track down every single person who has ever purchased a ShamWow. Many of them have been found at mass murder scenes in Mexico, leading the Mexican government to demand that the US government do more to prevent the flow of ShamWows across the border into Mexico where it may fall into the hands of drug gangs.


And now, something to make you want to tear your own eyes and ears out, the latest mass murder inspiration, Luke of New Zealand and his Disasteradio: