Sunday, December 21, 2014

Fill In The Blank

I was just over at Time Out For Mom when I encountered her "Follow Friday Four Fill-In" and decided to steal it. I know it isn't Friday and I know this wasn't written for me. But I figure I might as well go with it anyway, just to see what I can do with it.

The Statements:

1. I would never turn down Christmas sex, especially if Jessica Biel or Elizabeth Banks were involved in there somewhere. I don't know if Christmas sex is technically a tradition, or especially a Chistmas tradition, but I'm all for creating new traditions. And if they involve sex and Jessica Biel I think it would be hard for this one to go wrong.

2. Do you always sleep late on Christmas morning? Yes, its a day off from work and I don't have any kids waiting to open the presents that Santa brought them. By the time Christmas arrives I am exhausted. Not to mention, for me Christmas often requires me to travel to my hometown, which is itself pretty tiring. So I sleep as late as I can. And then I give presents to my niece's kids and watch the wrapping paper fly.

3. Christmas is my favorite holiday. It directly precedes New Year's Day and I usually try to save up vacation days and take everything from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day off from work. Some years this is the only vacation I get. I haven't been to the beach in forever.

4. Realizing the communists are successfully destroying Christmas throughout the West makes me feel sorry for future generations who will live in a world of dictatorship and oppression if the communist anti-Christers aren't stopped.  For those whose god is power and control, everything that doesn't somehow give them more power and control over the est of us must be destroyed or outlawed. Christianity is in direct competition with The State in the eyes of someone who worships the power of a totalitarian state as a utopian ideal. They lie and say "there is no war on Christmas" out of one side of their mouths while declaring war on "white European males, capitalism and the Christian Church" in all of their writings and speeches. Personally I'm tired of it. But I can't be the only person to stand against it and expect it to stop. Everyone has to stand united against it and stop tolerating it or else we will continue to lose our culture and our freedom. Once its been lost you won't get it back. Just ask the old people living in Russia. The Soviet Union lasted more than a single lifetime and even now they aren't free there. The only real difference there now is that they have phony elections instead of an open dictatorship. But everyone in Russia knows the election results or a fraud. What a horrible and hopeless feeling that must be.

As I write this I'm watching the Dallas Cowboys doing something I never expected - they are pounding the Colts 42-0. The network just showed a skybox where legendary Dallas quarterback Roger Staubach is slapping politician Chris Christie on the back and laughing while legendary Dallas runningback Emmitt Smith stands in front of them and applauds. The Colts have sent in their backup quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck, and Dallas has responded by sending in their backup quarterback, Brandon Weeden. Weeden just threw a bomb for a big touchdown, which is why they're celebrating in the skybox. I hadn't expected this match-up to be an easy win for Dallas, let alone a big blow-out. I was worried that the powerful Colts offense would put a massive hurt on Dallas and likely even beat them. I had held out hopes that the Colts, not needing to win this game to make the playoffs, wouldn't take it seriously and thus give Dallas a better chance of winning. But I hadn't expected Dallas to win in a big, big way. It was already 28-0 when I turned the game on. I was bracing myself for a Cowboy loss and elimination from playoff contention. I guess that's why I didn't turn the game on right away. I saw when it was starting, but I was watching a movie and wanted to finish it.

So anyway, what are your plans for Christmas? Are you traveling? Are you staying home and watching your kids unwrap presents? Are you currently celebrating Hanukkah and completely surprised that I know how to spell Hanukkah? What's up with you this Christmas?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Loonies On The Path - XLXI - Passive/Aggressive Cunt

This morning as I was driving to work I was looking at our weather, with its up and down temperature fluctuations and drizzly rain, and said "I need to write a Loonies on the Path post today about how days like these always bring out the passive aggressive cunts while everyone else just seems dazed in a stupor." And then I got to work and I forgot about it.

But then this just happened. I'll apologize in advance for the silent video and the fact that you can't read the license plate. I'm new to this, so there's no sound or exciting effects and this camera needs upgrading. Just watch and tell me what you think.

I had a bad feeling when I saw the 2 vehicles driving side-by-side from far off and the one in the passing lane not making any attempt to actually pass. I came up on it slowly, trying to be as patient as I could in the hopes that I might be wrong and the driver perhaps was simply not paying attention. But no, it was no use. They were sitting there the entire time just waiting for a victim. And that victim was me. I've seen this too many times before.

I considered several possibilities while they were fucking me over:

I could ram them. I was in the hoopty and don't care much if I have to repair the front end. I already need to paint it anyway. But afterwards they'd likely call the police and I'd either have to do an accident report, which my insurance wouldn't like since a ramming is no accident. Alternatively, after hitting them we might both pull over to exchange info and then I'd have to hide their bodies somewhere in a ditch because I would beat them to death with their cell phone.

I could just shoot them. We were in the middle of nowhere, more or less. The only witness would be the person in the truck next to them and they seemed pretty oblivious. There are several problems with this, obviously. First, it's an overreaction in the extreme. Second, a hate-criminal is right this minute driving this area targeting white people and shooting them. This has been going on since the Ferguson grand jury verdict and the New York "I can't breathe" crisis. Our news media refuses to give descriptions of the victims or shooters, so we know from past experience with media racism that this likely indicates white victims and black killers. The hate criminals also set a sheriff's daughter on fire alongside the road in Mississippi a few nights ago, killing her. Tonight they shot a FedEx driver and then went north and set a man in a pickup on fire, killing him like they killed the white teenage girl last week. The news media claims they want help catching these criminals, yet despite the fact that the shooter of the FedEx driver got out of his minivan (Tennessee 633-YKY) and stood in front of several drivers in traffic while firing a rifle into the FedEx truck, they are telling us NOTHING about what the shooter looked like. That's the DOJ interfering for racist/political reasons, as always. Thanks Obama!  Whatever the case, shooting someone on this highway while black hate criminals are doing the same thing is a bad idea. If they caught me they'd blame me for all the other shootings and burnings, too. The DOJ would make sure to help crucify me to shift blame to a convenient white man. That's how the Department of 'Justice' rolls under Obama and his boyfriend, Eric Holder.

Thanks Obama!

I could hold down my horn and just blast them with sound. It's a good horn and I know they'd hear it. Of course, with many newer cars the interior is so sealed from sound, because 4 cylinder engines are loud and car companies don't want customers to realize their car sounds like a lawnmower, that they might not really be all that bothered by it. And I know from years spent observing my own mother play these games that a horn that doesn't blow out their windows is often received as a cry of rage from the victim, which signals victory to the bitch blocking the passing lane. Thanks for the valuable lessons, Mom!

Thanks Mom!

None of these options appealed to me anyway. I just wanted to go home without any additional stress. I didn't need this bullshit. So I just sat and waited. But the braking, the very clear message of "fuck you, I'm breaking the law and I'm here to fuck with you on purpose" pissed me off.

Thanks all you fuckers who sell these things!

I hate those illegal blue headlights that you can see several oncoming cars in the video running. But I'm going to go ahead and install a pair of them in my high beam sockets. I have 4 headlights, so I have the option of running asshole blue lights in my high beams without running them for my regular driving lights. I'm going to do it.

And I'm going to install an air horn. I already picked out a few. I just haven't bought them yet. But I'm going to. People like this deserve it. Aggravating random people is what they're all about. Might as well give them hell as their well-deserved reward.

That's my opinion.  Now tell me yours.

Sunday, December 07, 2014


When I first moved to Memphis it was for a job. I hadn't planned to still be here 19 years later. I was in a strange city surrounded by people I didn't know. And I was very much alone. My coworkers were not particularly interested in being my friend. But then I met Casey. Casey was different. She wasn't from Memphis, either. She was from Mississippi, a graduate of Ole Miss, a sorority girl, a cheerleader, a popular blonde whom everyone knew and liked very much. Casey was nice to me from the very first time we met.

I knew nothing about Memphis, so at lunch Casey would drive and take me with her. We did this a lot. She showed me around the city. She warned me of parts that I should avoid. Later, when I mentioned where I lived and that I regularly went jogging in my neighborhood, Casey told me that she lived right around the corner from me and that I should stop jogging that neighborhood because it wasn't safe.

She invited me to come to her house, to meet her hound dogs and her husband, Kevin. Kevin was a Mississippi native, too, an easy-going guy who liked to go hunting. Somehow Casey with her stylish clothes and social awareness seemed an unusual match for Kevin's hunting dogs and passion for deer meat. I wasn't familiar with Mississippi girls yet, so this was new to me. If I ever meet Faith Hill I won't be surprised if I learn that she, too, has a passion for hound dogs and deer meat. Faith is a Mississippi native and former cheerleader, too. And she looks somewhat like Casey.

Casey and Kevin eventually moved, buying a house south of Memphis in a Mississippi suburb. I was recently married and living in an apartment complex closer to Germantown than Mississippi. Casey told me that there was a nice newly built house right next door to hers and she encouraged me to buy it. She even drove me out to her house and showed me around the neighborhood. There were several newly built houses there. She was anxious for me to buy one and move in. Casey valued friends and wasn't one to let one go unless they simply refused to be a friend in return. I liked the idea of living next door to Casey, but the houses were out of my price range at the time. My wife was still in college and mine was the only income, while Casey and Kevin were both graduated and working and could afford more house than we could. I declined her request to buy the house and be her neighbor.

Casey was very friendly to my wife, too, after I got married. She invited her to all sorts of social gatherings at her house. But my wife is much less social than I am. That, combined with the stress of school, resulted in my wife turning down many of Casey's invitations. Eventually the invitations stopped. I tried to protest and encourage my wife to make more effort. Casey was one of our few friends and a very good friend, too. But my wife was focused on school and nothing else.

I was moved to a different building and saw Casey less and less often. We rarely went to lunch together anymore. Eventually I left the company and took a job on the other side of town. I'd email Casey every now and then, but we never saw each other. When social websites became popular, like Facebook and LinkedIn, Casey never seemed to have any interest. I searched on occasion, whenever she crossed my mind, but never found her there.

Eventually I lost her telephone number. Later I forgot her email address. I still sent her the occasional Christmas card, but never heard back.

14 years have passed and I still think of Casey and how I need to reach out to her, to call or something. I still have contacts at the old company. They told me when she had children, 2 beautiful little girls. They told me when she got promoted and became a manager, a goal that had been very important to her.

Two days ago I went looking for Casey again, hoping that perhaps after all this time she had finally gotten onto Facebook and would be up for an email chat. We still use the same dentist that Casey recommended to us, my wife and I. Casey still goes there, too. Or did.  I didn't find her on Facebook. But I found her husband, Kevin. I sent him a friend request. Then I noticed on his page a photo of Casey and him along with their 2 beautiful blonde little girls. Underneath it was a long list of comments from friends and family. They all said things like "I'm so sorry. I just heard" and "I can't believe it's true. We're all praying for you guys." It was all very serious and somber sounding. But not a single comment said what it was that was going on, what specifically was wrong.

I emailed a former coworker at the old company and asked him what was going on. He said he had no idea. I emailed several others. Only one replied that he knew anything at all.

Casey died. She went for a supposedly routine surgery and died of complications. This was in September of 2013.

I was in shock. Casey died over a year ago and I didn't even know. My first and best friend in the city of Memphis died and I had no idea at all. I looked at the photo of her on her husband's Facebook page and couldn't believe it. She still looked the same. I hadn't seen her in 14 years and yet she looked exactly the same as I remembered her, a beautiful woman with all her goals coming true and everything working out the way she had wanted. And suddenly she was gone. 

We have all these new methods for communicating, all this internet and social media. We have cell phones with us at all times. We can reach each other so easily these days. How did I lose touch with a good friend? Why didn't I try harder to maintain our friendship? How is it possible that she died over a year ago and I didn't know until now?

I miss my friend. And I feel like a lousy friend for not even knowing she was gone.

Monday, December 01, 2014

Loonies On The Path - XLX - Memphis Drivers Are Idiots

Apparently I'm not the only one to notice that Memphis drivers are idiots. Allstate Insurance noticed it, too, and said as much. After they published their findings, the media got hold of it and began commenting.

Oh yes we are.

"In Memphis, drivers are not inconsiderate, just inattentive."

Yes, Memphis drivers aren't being rude on purpose, as they do in the lesbian haven of communism that is Massachusetts. No, they are rude totally on accident because they are too stupid to know what they are doing. In other words, Massachusetts drivers are well educated cunts who fuck you over in traffic on purpose. This is also true of my own home town. But Memphis drivers, as I have always said, are simply cunts because they are retarded morons who shouldn't be allowed to possess drivers licenses in the first place.

I believe if the racial makeup of Boston is compared to the racial makeup of Memphis it can be safely said that this man is a racist. He's also correct, but in the communist world of labeling people racist, sexist, homophobe and the like, truth is no defense.

And finally, from Memphis' own News Channel 3:

"People do not pay attention. That's the main reason. People do not pay attention."

No, that's not the main reason. People are fucking selfish idiots, that's the main reason. The fact that they also don't pay attention is a side-effect of being brain-damaged because their mothers were high on crack while pregnant with them. They can't help that their mothers are all whores. That's not their fault. So Memphis has a high level of attention deficit disorder. That's because over 50% of our residents have an IQ several points lower than Forrest Gump. I shit you not.

"Memphis drivers for some reason will cut you off. They don't like to use their signals which are a big problem here in Memphis. They'll just come right over on you. There's just no respect pretty much."

OK, drivers who are mentally retarded will indeed cut you off. You know who else will cut you off? Drivers who are legally blind. Memphis has a LOT of drivers who are blind as a bat and who are too selfish and lazy to go to an eye doctor and get fitted with glasses. Glasses don't look cool and if there's one thing Memphis drivers care more about than anything else, it's looking cool as they crash and burn in a spectacular fireball involving a moron pulling right in front of a big truck and then not accelerating. Sometimes Memphis drivers simply drive right off overpasses for no apparent reason at all. It's really cool to see. For about 3 seconds before they hit the ground and splatter. Its less cool once they hit the ground.

As for Memphis drivers coming right over on you, that's not accidental. That's a ... how can I put this? That's a 'Ferguson rioter' thing. Thats because they think that a white driver will be intimidated by a darker skinned driver simply swerving at them in a blatant threat to hit them. I am not intimidated so easily which is why drivers who "simply come right over on you" don't do it to me twice. I don't move and they don't hit me. They just ALMOST hit me and then scurry back to their own lanes when they realize that I'm going to let them hit me and then possibly shoot them in the face. I generally have a very unfriendly expression on my face when drivers try to play these games with me. You should try having an unfriendly expression on your face when they do it to you. It discourages them from doing it again. Really. Try it.

Finally, the statement that "there's just no respect pretty much." That's dead on. There's no respect for anyone or anything unless it has a $100 paint job and a $3000 set of 26 inch rims and low profile tires that make it ride like a roller coaster car on a cobblestone path. For that they'll have some respect. Not much, but some. For you and your (probably) Toyota Camry with factory wheels and Hello Kitty stuffed animal swinging from the rearview mirror, no, they'll show no respect. You are invisible. Learn to be meaner and hold your ground when they try to run you off the road and you'll find that they're paying more attention than they want you to know. It's a passive/aggressive thing. Trust me.

Also, buy a gun.

As for Washington, DC being the absolute worst and most dangerous city with the most psychopathic drivers, consider who lives there: politicians and other government agents who think that "representative government" and "Bill of Rights" means they are all kings and queens and everyone else is their subject, a slave, a pet they keep simply to pay taxes and entertain them. They are delusional narcissists, and there is no one more dangerous behind the wheel of a car than a delusional narcissist. Anyone driving through Washington DC should mount Gatling guns on both fenders and a third in the back and simply shoot their way through the city.

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